Some of the shit that pops into my head late at night - it's no wonder I have chronic insomnia.

Back in 1992, before I got out of the Air Force completely but after my security clearance had been pulled, I spent some time filling in at our unit's administrative office.

One of my tasks, given to me as the new guy in the office, was to measure the men who were in what was affectionately known as the fat boy program.

These people, who were at or near their maximum weight, would have to come in once a month or so to get measured.

After getting their height and weight, I'd run a tape measure around their neck and stomach, then look up the results in a body-fat chart.

There seemed to be a fairly constant stream of these people coming in to be weighed and measured. I must have measured the stomach size (touched the stomachs) of several dozen men. I didn't measure the women, the new girl in the office had that task.

So my most optimistic estimate is that I've touched the bare bellies of men more often than those of women by about a five to one margin.

C'mon, ladies! Help me out here!