Well I've managed to be in a good mood for several days in a row now.
This doesn't really make any sense to me, but I'm not going to argue with it too much. Because although my mood has proven itself to be remarkably resilient in the past, it has also proven itself to be incredibly, astoundingly, fickle.
A week ago I was very sad. Now I'm not sad at all. What's happened in the meantime? Not a damn thing. Sure, they say time heals all wounds, but a fucking week, after six months of torment? In six months I showed zero real progress and now suddenly I feel fine? Doesn't make much sense to me, but I'll take it.
Maybe I'm just bottling things up inside me. But I don't feel like I am. Perhaps my heart has finally, mercifully, given up. But that doesn't feel right either. Let's face it, if I knew how to turn my frown upside-down I'd have done it a long time ago.
What I'd like to do is maintain this mood at least until I get back from Las Vegas. It's a pretty tall order, especially considering my current situation, but I feel fairly confident that with the proper amounts of alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine I can manage to keep the proper chemical balance in my head to actually enjoy my trip.