posted by dave on Wednesday, April 27, 2005 at 8:03 PM in category general

My horoscope for this week from Free Will Astrology:

After rejecting proposals from many directors, Bob Dylan has finally authorized Oscar-nominated Todd Haynes to make a film about his life. Seven different actors will portray Dylan, including a black woman. "I am setting out to explode the idea that anybody can be depicted in a single self," Haynes told The Sunday Times. You already explode that idea every week of your life, Pisces, and you will be exploding it with even greater force and style in the coming days. I encourage you to be proud of your own riotous multiplicity. It's something to be celebrated, not to be shy about. Why not fantasize about the seven actors and actresses you'd choose to play you in the movie about your life?
Yeah, I know, the guy rambles on and on.

But I thought that it might actually be fun to pick seven people to play me when I become so famous that they make a movie about my life. Here are my picks:

Keifer Sutherland
Waaaaay too cool for the majority of my life, but Keifer could play me during some of the highlights and lowlights. He's a fantastic actor, and those talents would be needed to accurately portray the more dramatic events of my life.

John Cusack
Another guy that's too cool to play me, but the difference isn't quite so extreme as it would be with Keifer.

Jason Alexander
Everybody has some George Costanza in them, and I've certainly got my share. Jason could play the everyday me and he'd probably nail the performance.

Kevin Smith
Who the hell is Kevin Smith, you ask. He's the guy that plays Silent Bob, most notably in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Any movie about me simply must have a quiet character.

Hume Cronin
Hume was just a very cool old man, and I hope that by the time my movie is made they'll have figured out a way to bring him back to life.

Julia Roberts
The horoscope suggested that I pick actors and actresses and Julia is the first actress that came to mind. I like the way she plays the fish out of water characters and I've certainly felt that way several times in my life.

Richard Gere
Hey! What's so damn funny? I put him on the list because he often portrays the romantic types, and that's what I've turned into.

Portraying other characters in my movie, and I only list the performers here so as not to insult or swell the egos of those in my life, would be:

Clint Eastwood, Marilyn Monroe, Lucy Liu, Patricia Arquette, Rosie O'Donnell, Julia Roberts (again), Britany Spears (sorry), Betty White, Dean Martin, Wilford Brimley, and Marissa Tomei in a blonde wig.

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