Didn't do much of anything today. Went grocery shopping. Watched some movies. Shot some pool. Did a couple loads of laundry.
Spent about an hour trading text messages back and forth with a couple of girls. Nice enough girls. Pretty enough too. One that wants too much from me, and another that wants too little. Doesn't matter though, 'cause I don't think I have enough left in me for either of them.
They always initiate these conversations. For whatever reasons, they're bored, or lonely, or whatever. Today they both happened to be bored or lonely or whatever at the same time. So I spent, like I said, an hour juggling two different conversations, neither of which I really gave a shit about.
Because you see, the person I really want to hear from - I told that person to leave me alone. Told her that she was hurting me. Told her in a text message, because to have told her in person would have required more willpower, and more bravery, than I could muster.
Today I watched this movie Hitch which is just completely full of all these cheesy lines about love and happiness and heartbreak. Incredibly sappy stuff, but there was one line that struck a bit of a chord in me:
I waited my entire life to feel this miserable.
There was a time, not too long ago, when this was just the kind of thing I might have said. Even if I never said it, I certainly felt it.
But not now.
Now there's just this numbness that I kind of wish would go away.