Found this incomplete document when purging some old files from my computer today.

AGENT CODENAME: KOKO
MISSION: INDUCEMENT TO ACTION VIA PSYCH. HARASSMENT (STANDARD)
MISSION STATUS: FAILED

CHRONOLOGY

15 JUN 2004: Initial assessment of subject vulnerabilities indicates that an adjustment of projected timeline would be feasible. Adjusting estimated mission completion to 1 AUG 2004.

19 JUN 2004: Subject proving to be more amenable to suggestion than previously calculated. Adjusting estimated mission completion to 15 JUL 2004. Requesting additional agents to eliminate secondary target.

20 JUN 2004; Secondary target eliminated. Subject and primary target may be beginning to suspect my presence. Primary objective attainable but subject did not repeat did not achieve.

26 JUN 2004: Mission has suffered a setback. Subject has definitely noticed my presence, and is beginning to actively fight my influence. A frontal assault may no longer be possible. Adjusting estmated mission completion to 15 AUG 2004.

12 JUL 2004: Subject is attempting to veer from defined mission objectives. Will attempt to correct. Requesting additional agents to eliminate secondary target.

24 JUL 2004: Secondary target eliminated. Adjusting estimated mission completion to 1 SEP 2004.

8 AUG 2004: Requesting additional agents to stabilize primary target.

8 AUG 2004: Primary target stabilized. Final objective in sight, but subject continues to fight my influence, and does not approach target. Adusting estimated mission completion to 15 SEP 2004.

I think this wins the prize for the stupidest thing I've ever started to write. Had I actually completed it, it would have been hundreds of lines long.

According to the date on the file, I started writing this just after my gorilla friend left.