Got to Rich O's early last night - a little before 7:00.

I'd had this crazy idea that maybe it wouldn't be so crowded that early, that maybe I'd be able to grab some spots in the living room area for when my friends arrived.

Yeah, right. Dream on, Dave.

I ordered myself an Upland Chocolate Stout (110) and sat at the end of the loveseat. There were three guys in the area who all knew each other, but they were all strangers to me.

I should have known that this was a bad sign.

A new guy would show up. Another stranger, and therefore probably another idiot. The guys sitting around me would all cheer and greet the new guy like he was an old friend. Because that's what he was to them. Then the new guy would sit down in the living room area, and the noise level would increase.

This happened five more times over the next thirty minutes. I shit you not.

When I gave up my seat, it was to the ninth member of that group.

I was forced to stand around like a dork for a few minutes, but then I saw that one of the PBDs was leaving his seat at the bar so I grabbed it and spent some time talking with TallLady.

When HatGirl and LuckyFucker arrived, TallLady was nice enough to move down to the other end of the bar.

The theory was that, since my friends and I had three seats right next to each other, we'd be able to talk.

Yeah right. Dream on, Dave.

I've seen it more crowded at Rich O's. I've seen nights where people have been forced to stand for the entire night it was so crowded. But last night was easily the LOUDEST that I've ever seen it. Those fuckers in the living room area were just incredibly obnoxious. I could barely hear HatGirl sitting right next to me, and LuckyFucker may as well have been on the Moon. We were forced to attempt lip-reading with each other.

If I'd never sat foot in Rich O's before, and I'd gone in last night for the first time, I'd have turned around and never returned. Good beer and the occasional hot girl be damned.

So I drank a couple more Uplands (130,150) while HatGirl and LuckyFucker calculated how quickly they could leave without hurting my feelings. I don't blame them a bit. At one point I turned around toward the living room area and said in a fairly loud voice, "Every one of you that can remain silent for one minute, I'll buy you a beer."

All nine of the shitheads became ineligible before ten seconds had passed. Oh well, it was worth a try I suppose.

Once my friends gave up and left, I had myself a half-glass of Upland (160) then a couple glasses of Diet Coke.

DooRagGirl came in and I talked with her for a few minutes, mainly about her boyfriend's "hairstyle."

At the very end of the night I talked with WomanRepellant and EuchreDude about women and romance and stuff. We're all such experts. That's why we were by ourselves.

The nice thing, and the only nice thing, about nights like last night, is that it will never get any worse than that. Last night was as bad as it gets. It's all downhill from there. Or uphill. Whichever one is easier. And quieter.