posted by dave on Sunday, January 15, 2006 at 6:37 PM in category daily

I've mentioned before that my neighbor across the street has a dumb dog named Dino.

Another neighbor has a younger, more annoying Black Lab named Molson.

I don't have any dogs myself. These two, plus a three-legged dog named Ice (Get it, Molson Ice) are the next best thing. I can't set foot outside my house without one or more of them running up to play fetch or something. Plus, Molson always brings me free dog shit.

So tonight, about twenty minutes ago, my doorbell rang.

I can see out my door from the couch where I was sitting. I looked out and saw a young brunette wearing glasses.

After I finished having my heart attack, I took a closer look.

Not her. Just some other brunette wearing glasses. An imposter.

Probably a Jehovah's Witness or something, I figure, so I grudgingly get up.

It's more of a girl than a woman, really. She's crying. She asked me if I had a dog.

I told her that I didn't, but that I knew most of the dogs in the area.

She told me that she'd just ran over a Black Lab.

Mother fucking shit!

As I walked with the girl over to the other side of the road, she tried to describe the dog, but all Black Labs look alike. Especially at night when you don't know them.

I asked her if the dog was dead, and she said she thought it was, because it had stopped screaming.

Her boyfriend had taken off to canvas some other houses.

I went to see the dog. To see which of my friends it was. To see if my friend was dead.

My first thought, upon getting close to the dog, was that I didn't know it. None of the Black Labs I know have white paws. I will admit to breathing a sigh of relief at that point.

I checked its neck for any sign of a pulse, and I put my hand on its chest and felt for a heartbeat. There was nothing. It was dead.

This dog obviously belonged to somebody - it was very well-fed. But it didn't have a collar. A neighbor lady that was driving by said that she'd never seen the dog before either.

So it's a mystery I guess. One that probably won't be solved until somebody puts up a flyer at Gas N Stuff about their missing dog. Then somebody will have to call the number that's written on it and break the news.

Breaking that news will suck, but not as much as it will suck for the person on the other end of the phone.

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