I need times like this.

Because the cold hard fact is that, no matter how much I protest, I am getting better.

These days, these days I have to force myself to be sad. I have to invent elaborate lies. Lies which I then allow myself to believe because I know that when those lies evaporate my mood will plummet.

I do this because I need proof. Proof that it was all real. Proof that it's still real because I know that as soon as I stop believing in it - it will cease to exist.

Fuck that, I say.

Because as soon as this stops being real, that's when I'll know that I've truly wasted so much of my time, so much of myself, for nothing.

It was not nothing.

It is not nothing.

Read my words. Look into my eyes.

All the proof you need is there.