posted by dave on Sunday, May 7, 2006 at 11:33 PM in category ramblings

It's not so much that we lie to ourselves - it's that sometimes it works.

How is that even possible?

Mind vs. spirit. Instinct vs. intellect. Brain vs. heart.

No matter what words you use to describe it, we all find ourselves at war with ourselves at some point. Not a physical war, usually. Though sometimes it can escalate and bring disastrous consequences.

More of a war of words.

Our heart wants something it cannot have, and our brain just keeps buying time. Making excuses. Putting it off. Anything but simply telling the truth. Because to just blurt out the truth, to just come right out and say no, you cannot have that so stop asking - that's just too much for the heart to bear.

So we lie.

Kids in the back seat of a car will keep asking, "Are we there yet?" And the parents will lie. "Almost," they'll say. "Just a few more minutes." They'll say it even though they're not even close to where they're going. They'll say it because it will shut the kids up for a little while.

It's the same thing.

It's amazing to me that we can lie to ourselves and get away with it.

It's more amazing to me that we ever feel the need to do it in the first place.

I mean, who the fuck do we think we're fooling anyway?

Our feelings are hurt, so we tell ourselves that it'll be okay? That we'll get over it. Even when we know damn well that it won't be okay, not for a very long time. That we might get over it, but we'll never be the same again.

We lie to ourselves, and sometimes it makes us feel better. This is beyond ludicrous to me. If I told myself that I had a zillion dollars in the bank, I wouldn't be fooled at all. I'd go on no extravagant shopping spree. I'd quit no job. I'd hire no hit-men.

But when I tell myself that - scratch that - when I told myself that there was hope for the two of us, that I just needed to be a little more patient, that bullshit I believed.

What a load of crap it was. But I fell for it each and every time. I believed it each and every time. And the only reason that I don't believe it any more is because of this stupid wall that some asshole put in front of me. This stupid wall that even my heart can't ignore.

So, we can successfully lie to ourselves, but only about the most important things? That's pretty fucked-up.

And there are people who claim we're designed this way?

Intelligent design, my asshole.

Why is it easier to be honest with another person than to tell the truth to ourselves? Why are our emotions and our logic so often at odds with each other?

Why can't we all just get along with ourselves?

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