I'm supposed to be writing something now.
At least that's the excuse I gave the PBDs when I left their little group and moved up here to the island. I've got my notebook open, my pen in hand. Just in case they look, I need to appear to be writing something so they're not offended because I left.
Truth is, though, that I've got nothing.
My mind is so full of shit tonight that it seems to have seized up. Like the proverbial wrench in the works, a certain thought has entered my head and totally jammed everything.
All of my emotions are pitted against each other.
It's a stalemate, so far.
I am so sad that I could sing and dance. I am so happy that I could slit my wrists. I am overflowing with nothingness. I am upside-down, inside-out.
I am Opposite Man.
I curse my blessings while I relish my failings. The silence deafens me and the darkness blinds me. I am dizzy from the stillness. I am calmed by the chaos.
This gray place has erupted in colors, and I am repulsed by the beauty that suddenly surrounds me.
The die has been cast, and its flight is my world. When it lands, when it stops, then so do I.
It will be horribly wonderful.
I will love it.
And I will hate that I love it.
Anyway, tonight Rich O's was only about half-full. This was fantastic, especially after last night. I sat on the loveseat and enjoyed my Piraat (175) and talked with some dude that claimed to know me although I didn't have the foggiest idea who he might be. It sucks getting old.
After a bit, the stranger in the throne left so I moved there. A bunch of PBDs joined me and we spent the next couple of hours talking about nothing much.
My second beer was an NABC Community Dark (220). I had to pace myself, see, after the 10.5% Piraat.
I talked to the PBDs, and I talked to SassyGirl on the phone for a bit. It was a nice and calm and relaxing night.
I hated it.
My third beer was supposed to be a Hoegaarden, but they were out, so I had a yummy Weihenstephaner (1451) instead.
They closed up early. Before 11:00 even. So I went to White Castle and then came home.