The place isn't too crowded tonight. Little pockets of humanity are scattered about. I'm sitting at the bar. Alone, for now, though I doubt that good fortune will last.

Koningshoeven Tripel Trappist Ale

(bottle) Hazy dark gold, smallish head, some lacing. A nice clean aroma. The flavor is not too bad. A little musty for some reason. Given a choice between this and the quad, you should always take the quad. Always.

It's good for now though. I have no desire for company. Not that kind anyway. Not the real kind. The kind where you have to smile and talk and laugh at the proper times. Fuck that.

I'm in a strange mood.

This morning I realized that it was November 17th. This date is of no significance, but Tuesday, Tuesday sure should have been. Used to be. This year, I didn't even notice, and now it's too late.

But that's not why I'm in a strange mood.

I caught myself this afternoon hoping against something. Wishing that it wouldn't happen. But at the same time I knew, if it didn't happen, I knew that I'd be incredibly disappointed.

This struck me as weird, to not want something yet know I'd be bothered if I didn't get it. Like I said, weird, and that was something new for me. For the longest time, I'd say or feel or write crazy things, and they'd seem perfectly acceptable to me. I suppose that, at some level, with whatever tiny vestige of logical thought I still possessed, I knew that I was insane. But I didn't care, back then. Because, back then, I had no choice. So I saw my behavior as completely normal. Normal for me, anyway.

Then today, I caught myself thinking something crazy. And I realized that it was crazy. This just might be a sign of actual progress.

But that's not why I'm in a strange mood.

Anyway, at about this time WomanRepellant came in and joined me at the bar. I talked to him for a couple of hours. I had myself a yummy Koningshoeven Quadrupel Trappist Ale (71) and then a Guinness (1291). I texted NotHideousGirl a couple of times, to no avail. I sent an email to RockGirl. Then I came home.

I'm still in a strange mood.