I was reading something today about identities. How we perceive ourselves. How we present ourselves. One of the points made was that too many people will look to what they do for a living when searching for their identity.
If you're a rock star or a movie star or something like that, well that's not too bad. People like rock stars and movie stars. Girls want to screw them. Guys want to be them.
I'm a computer systems engineer. That's not quite as interesting.
See, I just did it, right there. I said, I'm a computer systems engineer. That's how I identified myself. I may as well have said, I'm a boring nerd. Someday, before I die, I hope to touch a woman's breast.
Okay, so I take what I do for a living, and I throw it away. It no longer factors into my identity.
Let's try, I'm a writer. I made that absurd statement in October.
That's a little better. It implies creativity, and thoughtfulness. Maybe some intelligence.
But the problem with identifying myself as a writer is - get this - that I have to write. And a fucking blog doesn't count to 99% of the world. So I have to be a real writer and, not only that, I have to write well.
Otherwise, I'm a failure. And that's even worse than a boring nerd hoping to get to second base.
So that identity is out too.
Is there anything else? Who the fuck am I?
How about, I'm a pool player.
Yeah, that's what people want to hear. I poke balls with a stick. I hang out in seedy bars with criminals and I hustle money from people. Sometimes I hit them over the head with pool cues, just for the fuck of it.
Obviously, not the identity I want to present.
And let's not forget beer snob, but I don't think I have to list what's wrong with that identity.
I was going somewhere with this. I really was. But now it's late, and I have to sleep.
I'm a sleeper.
Maybe I'll use that for a while.