I have a tiny confession to make now. One that will come as zero surprise to anyone who's been reading my drivel for any length of time.
I don't know what I'm fucking talking about. Or writing about. What the fuck ever.
Luckily, for me, and for you at home, I sometimes have help. Like tonight. Tonight I've been fortunate and privileged enough to have had The Reverend (370), from the Avery Brewing Company, join me for an evening of contemplation and soul searching.
I've had a question on my mind for a couple of years now. Closer to three years actually, but it doesn't matter exactly how long it's been. This question is eternal, and it's been asked by nearly everyone since the beginning of the beginning of the beginning of consciousness.
It's been asked for a long fucking time, in other words.
It's a two-part question actually. The first part is Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
The answer to that question is, of course, fucking yes and yes and yes and fucking yes.
I've written about this before, and it's actually one of the few subjects in which I don't feel like I'm just pulling answers out of my ass.
It's approximately seven hundred gazillion asstillion times better to have loved than to never have loved. Go ahead. Prove me wrong. I dare you to try.
And the really neat thing is, to love and then lose doesn't change a fucking thing. We live to love.
I'll say it again. We live to love.
Losing is, while not quite irrelevant, losing is nothing nothing nothing nothing fucking nothing compared to the loving.
So that's the first part of the two-part question.
The second part of the question is Why is it better?
And, tonight at least, I know the answer. At least as much as someone like me can know the answer.
The answer is actually quite simple.
Because sometimes, like maybe once in a lifetime if you're lucky, you don't lose.
Because sometimes, you get to love and you get to win.
To love is to open yourself to that possibility. To surrender yourself to that possibility of happiness. To allow yourself to have hopes, and dreams, and to imagine just how incredibly wonderful life could be.
If only.
This time.
I could be loved back.
Then I would win.
That hope, that trumps everything else. All of the pain. All of the heartache. All of the disappointment and the depression and the suicidal thoughts.
Hope is what separates us from the animals. Hope is what makes us human. So we keep looking. Even after failure after dismal failure, we keep looking for hope.
And, when we find ourselves in love, we also find the hope that's been buried so deeply within us that we almost forgot it existed. Love unearths it, and breathes new live into it, and resurrects it.
It takes over.
Nothing else matters.
Nothing else exists.
We become hope.
And I can't think of a loftier goal.
Someday, I hope to love and win.
"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you played the game."
Were you fair? Did you play by the rules?...
Love is without wins or losses. Love is not a competition. No trophies or pats on the back. No Gatorade to be poured down your coach's back when you cross the 1 yard line. No line markers to tell you which way to go, or how fast to move. There are no boundaries, there are no referees, although you might get a penalty flag from time to time. Love has no rules. You can never win. I guess that means that you can never lose either. Although, most times it feels that way. But let's check the video replay...
Feel free to make up your own version. It's always the best.
He said/She said. Where is the truth? Where is the justice?
There is neither. Love comes and goes as it pleases. We have no control. No absolution. Love is mysterious and selfish and full of ambiguity.
That's why I love Love.
posted by: steve | March 6, 2007 12:10 AM
Oh Steve, I contest. Love is full of wins and losses. Everyday. Losing doesn't necessarily mean defeat and winning doesn't necessarily mean victory, but in a relationship there are wins and losses, defeats and gains...everyday. I'm one of the lucky ones. After lots of crap relationships, I found the one. But making love work isn't always easy. Granted, it's not hard for us, but we have to make consious decisions every day....we have to be a team. We have to have a game plan. We have to figure out which play will bring us to what we want/need/love. We have to know when the right time to go on the defensive is, and when we should just accept our losses. We use every win and loss as a learning experience. And there are pats on the back. With every milestone, there is a pat on the back. With every "I Love You", there is a pat on the back. We were told we wouldn't make it...but 12 years later we are patting ourself on the back. No, Love is not a competition, but it IS a game. It's a game, that if played correctly, reaps rewards grander than any trophy; but if played incorrectly can cause losses that last a lifetime.
Dave, I highly recommend you rent 'The Secret". I've not seen it firsthand, but I do know that to get what you want, you have to really really want it and do whatever you can in your life to achieve it. In your case, I think some positive thinking would be your best bet. I've known you for quite a while, and even though you have some quirks, you're a great guy and have a lot of potential. You deserve happiness and even though you may fight it, you have the resources to acquire the life you want. I think you've just been down for so long, you've lost sight of how you should get yourself back up. Sometimes simple changes are all it takes, but sometimes the bigger changes are what is needed, and those are usually the most intimidating. I know you have the smarts to do it, but right now you need initiative and self trust to tap into those smarts of yours. Best of Luck.
posted by: Ivanna | March 6, 2007 7:20 AM