I'm pretty sure that this, like everything else, is going to end. I can accept that fact. I don't have to like it very much, but I know that I can live with it. Survive beyond the point where this thing can be mentioned in the present tense.

I've certainly lost more important things in my life. Not to say that this isn't important to me. Because it really is. It's just that I've kind of had perspective forced upon me over the last few years. So, when this ends, it will definitely be something, but it won't be something I can't handle.

I think the thing that irritates me the most about it is that I always find myself wondering if it has already ended. Like maybe I'm just no longer needed. If I ever really was. Or perhaps the last thing I did or said or wrote, or even worse, the last thing I didn't say or didn't do or didn't write, that maybe that thing is what ended it. Will end it. Is ending it. Whatever tense is appropriate.

I wonder about this a lot. I worry about it a lot. Because, like I said, I know it's going to end eventually. All good things do. I can handle it being over. It's just the actual ending that worries me. I don't want to miss it.