I just spent a couple of hours trying to write an entry about something that's been on my mind for a while.
The results were less than stellar. Much less than stellar.
See, I have good ideas so seldom anymore, that when I finally get a good idea, I put all this fucking pressure on myself to write something worthwhile. And I end up with gibberish. And I give up.
It's much easier for me to just let my fingers do all the work while my brain snoozes in the background. That's what I'm doing right now.
This particular good idea, the one I just tried to write about, was born in an email I wrote to RockGirl a couple of weeks ago. An inordinate amount of my good ideas arrive via from that same route. This is because I can tell her anything, and I don't have to censor any of it.
Not like here in this journal, where I have to censor the crap out of myself.
So, I'll write an email to RockGirl, and I'll say some shit about some crap, and I'll go, "Hey, that's pretty deep! I should write an entry about it!"
Happens a lot.
Then I'll try to expand that idea into an entire journal entry, and like I said, I end up with gibberish. Sometimes it's because I have to censor the entry so much that it loses all meaning. But usually it's just because it starts to feel too much like homework writing the thing. I know it's a good idea, and I know I can and should write a good entry about it.
It's the should part that gets me, I think. I don't want to waste the idea on a mediocre entry.
Also, it's 4:00 in the flipping morning now. I've got to get up at 6:30. That sucks big ones.