I've used the mosquito metaphor before here. Hmmm, almost exactly a year ago. Weird.

Anyway, I suppose that's a lot of what's going on with me now. Just a bunch of little things, and no overshadowing big thing to occupy my mind.

One thing that I thought about today, as I sat at Rich O's - Rogue Chocolate Stout (2136) - after work, my brow still furrowed, was that I'm starting to see some disturbing parallels. Disturbing because parallel tracks quite often lead to the same destination. And I certainly don't want to go to that place again. Ever.

So that's part of it, certainly. But I also think there's something else. Along with the obvious (to me anyway) similarities, there are also quite a few glaring differences. Problem is, I think, that I don't really notice the differences except every now and then. Just once in a while, I'll remember something. And it kind of hits me harder than it should. Just for a second though.

For example, say you're lying on your back, with a book on your belly. No big deal, right?

Now have someone pick up the book and drop it onto your belly. A little uncomfortable, isn't it? But it only lasts for a second.

Now have that same somebody pick up and drop that book every ten seconds for hours and days at a time.

Well, that's a really horrible analogy. Maybe I should have used the Chinese water torture instead. But you readers are smart. I'm sure you get the gist.

It's not that the differences are bothering me. The differences will probably be what keeps me safe when it's all said and done. The differences don't bother me, but they try to bother me so suddenly and so unexpectedly. That's what's really irritating. Not the differences themselves, but the surprise that they arrive with.

I can't seem to keep any of these things in my head. So I forget. And I start wondering about the similarities. Contemplating the parallels. Sometimes I even catch myself getting excited about the parallels. Then the differences hit me. Repeat ad infinitum.

To summarize, I'm weird.