posted by dave on Monday, December 31, 2007 at 1:55 AM in category ramblings

I was in such a dangerous mood tonight. A stupid mood.

But now, now it's later. I'm more sober than I was back then, at like 10:00 PM.

Sometimes I lose sight of this one particular very important fact. The most important fact.

At times like that, times like 10:00 PM tonight, I can sometimes feel that fact slipping away. And all I can do is get a tight grip on it, and hope that my grip is strong enough. So that, while I might forget from time to time, the truth will always be there with me, in case I need it.

And I pretty much always need it.

I think I got lucky tonight. I loosened my grip, and the truth fell into my lap.

I'm real. She's real. It's real. This is not some game, or some movie drama, or some story told to little girls while they sit wide-eyed and imagine the stories that might be told about them someday, maybe, if they're lucky.


I think that this could all be boiled down to a couple of simple questions. One from each of us. With a corresponding answer from each of us.

My answer is, "Yes."

Everyone knows my answer. It's no surprise to anyone. The only surprise may be that I've waited so long for the question to be asked. The only surprise may be that I'm still waiting, my answer pressed against my lips, ready to burst forth at the proper moment.

It will be explosive, I think, when I give my answer.

It may be my dying word. I certainly hope not, but I'm ready, just in case.

comments (2)

I enjoy your writings, and if you haven't read works by haruki murakami, I would recommend you to try him. You can probably start with the wind-up bird chronicle or the hardboiled wonderland and the end of the world. I hope you will get the answer you are looking for either from her or from within. I was also feeling lost in life and the lack of meaning and direction. But then I realized that it would be silly to look for certainty in life unless of course you are religious. Well I guess there is one certainty in life which is death and its probably a concept that you are fairly familiar with since you contemplate it awfully alot. But its just a period or ?,! etc; and it really depends on you to actually write the sentence.

Thanks. I never heard of that guy, but that's not saying much since he probably doesn't write science fiction.

About 99% of all of my references to death are metaphorical. This one wasn't. It was hypothetical. I'm not obsessed, about death.

post a comment

If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.

I'll pretty much approve anything except SPAM comments, or comments that clearly have no purpose except to piss me off, or comments that are insulting to a previous commenter.

Use anything you want for your name and email address. I think it has to at least look like a valid email address though.

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

search main 'blog





Search word(s)
   help me!

blog favorites

the convenience of grief
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
nothing personal
the one
dream sweet dreams for me
the willow bends and so do i
on bloodied ground
lack of inertia
thinning the herd
or maybe not
here's looking at you
what i miss
who wants to play?
feverish thoughts
the devil inside?
my cat ate my homework
don't say i didn't warn you
my god, it's full of stars
hold on a second, koko, i'm writing something
you know?
apples and oranges
happy new year
pissing on the inside
remembering dad

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.