posted by dave on Wednesday, January 2, 2008 at 2:36 AM in category ramblings

I was just sitting here at my desk, thinking that I should probably write something tonight. Because I've got all this beer in me and I'd hate for it to go to waste.

I was drawing a blank, though. I'd kinda thought about this one thing, but that subject is off-limits for me, plus it's kinda R-rated. Maybe X-Rated. Then, I thought of this other topic, but I really don't know what the facts are, and I don't want to write about my guesses.

So, like I said, I was drawing a bit of a blank. I decided to give up for the night. I tapped out a quick email to RockGirl and, right in the middle of the tapping, I thought of something.

The year 2007 was a pretty fucked-up year for me, if I look at it objectively. It was, despite the one incredibly wonderful thing that happened and which continues to happen, the year 2007 was a huge net loss for me, overall. As far as relationships go, I mean.

I can think of only one relationship that's better off now than it was at the beginning of 2007.

A few have stayed the same, but several have deteriorated or completely gone to shit. One ascended to new heights and then crashed spectacularly over a few short months.

Most of the time, I feel like I don't care nearly as much as I should. Oh, every now and then I'll catch myself missing a relationship that's either gone sour or faded away completely. But it doesn't happen very often, that I feel this way. Probably not as often as it should, should I ever wish to appear normal to those people who know me.

Good thing I don't care about appearing to be normal.

I forget where I was going with this. I think that I wanted to say that I do miss certain people, and that I am sorry for whatever fault I might have had in the ever-increasing distance between us, but that I don't care as much as I should. And that bothers me at least as much as the original stuff does.

I think, I think that if I were a total asshole, as certain people are so wont to proclaim, then my apathy wouldn't bother me at all. But it does. So maybe I'm not that bad after all. Maybe there's hope for me after all. Maybe there's hope for us after all.

It's not like I'm hiding, I just haven't felt like doing much seeking lately.

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