posted by dave on Sunday, February 3, 2008 at 1:50 PM in category drink

Somehow, I managed to get magically drunk last night. I have a theory about this, and I'll write about it in a bit, but first I should have a disclaimer.

The lines between reality and fantasy and imagination are blurred almost beyond distinction, at least as far as last night goes. So you should probably treat this entry as fiction, just to be safe.
The night started out pretty early. My sister Dina was supposed to meet some chick somewhere, and she wanted to meet up with me at Rich O's first. So I got to Rich O's at about 6:30.

The place was almost empty. This contrasted in a stunningly beautiful way with the madness that Friday night had been. Dina was on the sofa, all by her lonesome like a weirdo or something. I sat on the throne and ordered an NABC Flat Tyre (343). Dina and I bullshitted with each other for an hour or so, then she left to go meet the chick, and I found myself sitting all by my lonesome like a weirdo or something.

A couple of people drifted in and out of the area. They'd come in to smoke, and I could tell that they were all wondering who the weirdo sitting by himself was.

Eventually, the regular Saturday night crowd started to form. This one cute blonde accused me of being 23. That's actually starting to get a little tiresome.

Oh yeah, when I was bored because I was in the living room area all by myself, I texted AlliGirl and WeirdGirl and VigilanteGirl. VigilanteGirl texted back asking who I was. I said never mind, and she called me. I reminded her that she'd given me her number. She said that she would call me for directions to Rich O's, but I never believed that for even a second.

TremensGirl came in and sat on the sofa where Dina had been. I think this was about when I ordered another Flat Tyre (383). I started getting emails from LaptopGirl, hinting that she might come in.

This one chick, who kept coming in to smoke, took one look at TremensGirl and I talking and announced, "You two should date."

So that was weird, how quickly she picked up on our vibe. I said that TremensGirl and I have massive crushes on each other but that things are complicated, and I left it at that.

Then, I had a Schlenkerla Marzen (2828), which was yummy.

After a million more years and a few more emails, LaptopGirl finally showed up. At that point I pretty much started ignoring everyone else in the room, because LaptopGirl and I somehow found ourselves having an actual relevant conversation. People kept trying to interrupt us and/or worm their way in, but for the most part I managed to keep it just between the two of us. It was very nice.

At one point, I looked up, and NotHideousGirl had managed to sneak in. Of course I talked to her as well, but I kept returning to my conversation with LaptopGirl.

I think this was about the point where I got magically drunk. Please note that I'd had three weak beers, over the course of about four hours.

Some dude bought a round of drinks for everyone. I didn't want a whole beer for myself, so I just ended up drinking most of LaptopGirl's free Guinness (1761).

It seemed like everyone left at about the same time, but I stuck around and had a couple Diet Cokes. And I wished that LaptopGirl and I would have shared that pizza we'd discussed, because the room was really spinning. Food would have been nice, but the kitchen was closed.

I ended up taking a cab home from Rich O's. That almost never happens, because it's almost never necessary.

I said, back at the beginning of this novel, that I had a theory about how I'd managed to get so drunk on so little alcohol. Well, my theory is that the alcohol had very little to do with it. I got to have an actual relevant conversation with someone very important to me. This was something that I'd waited years to do. My theory is that I got drunk on that surreal series of moments.

So there.

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