We discussed this. I got permission to write this.
We went into this with good intentions. Maybe not the best of intentions, but still good ones. Innocent ones. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. It wasn't supposed to end like this, but it was supposed to end. Someday. But not like this.
We were so well-balanced. Not lopsided at all. Not the way my last relationship was. That was so fucking lopsided that there are many who wouldn't call it a relationship at all. Well, fuck them, I say. It most certainly was a relationship, just a very lopsided one.
The two of us, we were balanced. We knew each other quite well. We trusted each other. We liked each other a lot. And we'd each learned some tricks in the last three years, so that part was fantastic. And the timing was good. We needed each other. Each of us on the rebound, each of us desperately seeking distraction, neither of us looking for anything long-term, neither of us ready for anything serious.
Nothing serious with each other, I should clarify.
It was supposed to be fun, and it was certainly fun. It was supposed to be a distraction, and it was definitely that as well. It was supposed to be casual, though, and that's where we fucked up.
We didn't want to progress at all, but we did. We went from fuckbuddies to boyfriend/girlfriend before either of us realized what was happening. This was bad, because neither of us wanted that kind of relationship. Neither of us was ready for that kind of relationship.
Not with each other, I should clarify again.
So we found ourselves in a dilemma. The casual relationship we'd initially tried to have wasn't going to be enough for us, but the more serious relationship that had developed - it had developed too soon. It was doomed, from the second it began.
These torches we carry, see, they're not for each other.
We asked ourselves and each other a question.
Would we have a better chance trying to tough it out right now, or should we wait a few months and see if we're ready then?
We both came up with the same answer. Whatever might happen in a few months is irrelevant. What's relevant is that right now, there is no way we could make it work. We're both in love with someone else, and those feelings must and will take priority for us, even if they don't deserve it.
This is not about waiting or hoping for a lost love to come back into our lives. Nope, this is about acceptance. When we can accept, in our hearts, that we're alone, then that is when we'll be ready to stop being alone.
This may take a long time. It may take forever. It may never happen. Such is life, and such is love.