posted by dave on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 7:53 PM in category daily

So, guys can be gross.

I'll stop for a few seconds to let that sink in...

I'm pretty sure that even the most innocent girls reading this journal will know what a urinal is. Guys pee into them. While standing up. Go ahead and be jealous, we're all jealous of your ability to have multiple orgasms.

The civilized way to use a urinal is that a guy will walk up to one, unzip his pants, extract the appropriate appendage, urinate, re-tuck the aforementioned appendage, zip his pants, then walk away.

That's the civilized way to do it. Of course, there are minor variations of style. Some of us, for example, need two hands during the extraction phase, while others don't need any. Some guys will stand at the urinal for minutes, perhaps imagining waterfalls as they pray for their flow to begin before they die of starvation, while others can just let loose and it's off to the races. Some guys will issue a strong and steady stream, yet others get festive with a multi-directional spray borne of prostate problems.

But those differences are all minor, and irrelevant. The important steps remain the same.

1. Step up to the urinal.
2. Extract your junk.
3. Do your business.
4. Repack your junk.
5. Leave the urinal.

Some guys, who I will call disgusting assholes, like to mix things up a bit. Most often, they'll turn away from the urinal with their junk still flopping around. They'll walk away from the urinal while still repacking and then zipping their pants.

Less commonly, a disgusting asshole will sometimes begin unzipping and extracting the instant he enters the restroom, when he's still several feet away from the privacy of the urinal.

Here's a little secret: If you're a guy in the restroom and there's a guy leaving the urinal with his flag waving around, you're going to look. You're not going to want to look, but you're still going to do it. So then you're the guy who looked at another guy's junk, and there's not a thing you can do to erase that stigma.

Today at work I went into the restroom only to be presented with a sight of another guy's junk, as he walked from the urinal to the sink while repacking and zipping.

Although somewhat shaken by that sight, I still managed to do my business the civilized way. Then, while I was washing my hands at the sink, I was presented with the other disgusting asshole action. A guy came into the restroom, already half undressed and seeming to barely make it to the urinal.

In a single trip to the restroom, I'd experienced a double whammy.

I did get over these traumas, but I shouldn't have had to. Neither event should have happened, and they most definitely shouldn't have happened within 30 seconds of each other.

comments (1)

Urinals are gross enough to begin with, but I recently learned that many mens' bathrooms have one long "trough" rather than individual urinals. I've never heard of a practice so disgusting in my life!

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