posted by dave on Saturday, April 9, 2011 at 4:42 AM in category daily

I was looking through some old draft entries, and I ran across this gem. Everything you ever wanted to know about the first decade of my life:

1965: I was born. My hobbies included drooling and pooping.

1966: Late in the year I got a sister. Little did I know that it would take me another 20 years to come to grips with that fact.

1967: I learned how to call my grandmother on the phone, so I did that every 10 seconds or so.

1968: My hobbies included being a brat.

1969: Dad had us watch some dudes walking on the moon. I don't think anything else happened that year.

1970: I walked to kindergarten and back every day. My hobbies included running through sliding-glass doors, cutting the shit out of myself, and giving my mother gray hairs.

1971: We moved to a new house. I started first grade.

1972: I discovered that girls were good for other things besides throwing dirt at them. I forget what those other things are.

1973: Late in the year Mom brought home another sister. I hid in a tree because I'd wanted a brother.

1974: Tornadoes!!!!

1975: I turned 10, so I was officially a man.

comments (4)

I love this! I still remember you walking down the hill to Kindergarden. I was so amazed at how grown-up you were and couldn't wait to be a grown-up like you. Of course I also remember you riding your bike down that same hill and not being able to stop. You crashed your bike and I was glad I wasn't you. I still think we need to go by our old house with pictures in hand and see if we can take a look around. With our luck, they're cooking meth in there and if they let us in they'd have to kill us. Yes, I am still the cautious one.

I don't remember crashing my bike down that hill. I remember the neighbor across the street had a blacktop driveway (must have been a billionaire) and I liked to coast down that driveway to get started.

You forgot 1976: I watch an especially large Independance Day celebration and begin to emotionally devolve for the next 35 years.

I think my original plan was to cover every year from my birth until the present, but then I realized that the last several years would all be about a certain person, and so I lost interest in writing it.

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