Got a facebook friend request from an "Earpo Dagman" today.

Yet another stripper, from the looks of her thumbnail picture.

I deleted the request.

One thing that I guess is kind of interesting about these missing years is that I'm learning Japanese. When I started, my goal was to retire in Japan some day. I'm not sure if that's still my goal or not, but I'm still trying to learn. If for no other reason, keeping my brain busy might stave off senility for a while longer.

So, along with my native English, I'm what you might call barely conversational in Spanish, and I hope to become at least that proficient in Japanese.

Yes, it's been a while. Quite a while, actually.

If you're expecting something to catch you up, well this as good a time as any to get used to disappointment.

If I wrote an entry to recap the last several years, I'd probably want to kill myself before I even got close to 2021. And then I might never get anything written.

So this is all you're going to get:

I'm still here. Somehow.

Last night I saw a dead cicada on my basement floor. I made a mental note to think about throwing it away sometime in the next year or two. This morning there are four pieces of that cicada on my basement floor.

In summary, my cat is gross.

People ask, "So what happened?"

Nothing. Everything.

Something.

I was wrong. I was mislead. I was fooled. Foolish.

And so now, I wait to die.

Most people do the same thing. I'm just a little more aware of it than most.

I've been waiting for so long, that I don't know how to stop waiting. It's become habit. A part of me. It defines me.

The thing is, I'm not the same person that I used to be. In some ways I'm better, but in most ways, I think, I'm worse than before.

Either way, I don't want to ever be that person again. Never ever ever again.

I once wrote that hope exists to disappoint. Well, my hope disappointed a long time ago, and so I killed it, and I'm glad that it's gone.

Wait, that's not quite true. I didn't kill it. One person clonked it over the head and held it down so another person could stomp it to death. I just watched in horror. Frozen and disbelieving.

And then they both took a shit on the corpse.