I took a short nap, and now I have a huge crease running across the side of my face. It's been there for an hour, and it shows no sign of fading.

So that's just great. Now I'm hideous on the outside, too.

Last night was okay, I suppose. I'd like to have left my house earlier and gone over to Louisville, but a nap that ran too long kept that from happening.

So I went to Wendy's and then to Rich O's.

The place was mostly full of strangers that didn't move for the entire night. I talked for a while with some of them, but my heart really wasn't in it.

I had three beers, a Smithwick's (876), an NABC Jenever (60), and an NABC Artemsia (140).

Nobody that I wanted to see came in. That's probably a good thing.

Wow.

I can't believe how lucky I am.

A million closed doors.

And the one I knock on, that's the one that opens.

I was thinking just now, about how much I miss you.

But beyond that, I was thinking about what I might have done to keep us from being where we are, how we are right now.

But there is nothing I could have done.

The truth can't be ignored, and it can't be denied, and it can't be fought. It is what it is. And there's not a thing we can do about it.

You are the most amazing person I've ever known. Will ever know.

That's the truth.

But, for now anyway, when I allow my mind to relax, you're not the first one I think of. And when I allow my heart to yearn, you're not the first one it needs and craves.

That's the truth, too. I'm so fucking sorry, but that's the truth.

You taught me that the truth was always better than a lie.

Was that lesson, was that lesson the truth?

Was it?

Absolutely nothing of note happened on Thursday.

I slept, then I worked, then I slept again.

Hence the complete lack of entries yesterday.

I want a mountain.

Yep, that's what I want.

Not my own personal mountain. That would be way too much responsibility. But I want to live by a mountain again.

(Image stolen from some USGS site)

I miss Mt. Rainier. Even though I could go for months without ever seeing it, I always knew that it was there. And, on those days when it would appear, it never failed to impress and inspire me.

There are no mountains here, in Southern Indiana.

It's kind of boring.

LaptopGirl once said something to me about The Grand Canyon being this gigantic hole that would suck the creativity out of everyone around it. That got me to thinking that maybe mountains would do the opposite. Maybe mountains exude creative energy.

Somebody should look into getting us a mountain.

I hate typos soooo much!

It's pretty ironic, then, that I'm the fucking king of typos.

Also, I hate whores.

August 20th can not get here quickly enough for me.

I want to go right now, and I don't want to come back until it's safe.

At work today we were "given the opportunity" to take an "entirely optional" personality profile test, the results of which would remain "completely anonymous."

Yeah, right.

But I succumbed to peer pressure and took the thing. If nothing else, It allowed me to kill an hour out of a very boring day.

You know those quizzes that bored people are always taking so they can put the results in their 'blog?

Well, this was like that. Just like a hangnail is like an amputation.

Hey! That could have been one of the questions!

Most quizzes are to this test as a hangnail is to ...

The test had a lot of questions like that. I hate that kind of question. They usually don't make any sense.

A floormat is to fried chicken as Batman is to ...
(a) The 1987 Denver Broncos.
(b) That one TeleTubby that everyone says is gay.
(c) Minced garlic.
(d) 3.14159

But even more than the analogy questions, I hate hate hate hate the number sequence questions

Please complete the following number sequence: 4, 8, 23, 1, 86.2 33.88888 ...
(a) 3.14159
(b) 12
(c) -721
(d) 0

About a quarter of the test was made up of bullshit questions like those above. A large portion of the rest consisted of multiple-choice stuff.

A woodchuck who can chuck wood can chuck _______ cords of wood:
(a) 4
(b) 3
(c) 2
(d) 1

Let's see, there were also a bunch of standard math questions which weren't too tough. I like math.

My favorite (note italics, denoting sarcasm) part of the test was where you had to indicate which of two choice you'd prefer more, and how much more you'd prefer it. I hated these questions, because the choices were so different that it made comparisons very hard.

Indicate your preference between doing your taxes, or being a featured guest on the Jerry Springer show:
(a) Strongly prefer the first option.
(b) Slightly prefer the first option.
(c) Slight prefer the second option.
(d) Strongly prefer the second option.

Anyway, I made it through the approximately 250 questions in an hour or so. Then I got my "confidential" results in an email.

I was pleasantly surprised with the accuracy of the results:

First of all, wow! I had no idea that there were people in the world as cool as you are. Please tell me your name, as I plan to name all of my future children after you, in the hope that they might someday grow up to be just like you. Also, based on your answer to the woodchuck question, it's obvious that your dick must be fucking huge!

There are, however, a couple of things that should be mentioned. You know, just for the sake of completeness. You seem to have a fairly low tolerance for stupid people, and I can imagine that this is very difficult for you since everyone is stupid by comparison. You might want to work on your tolerance. Or not, it's up to you. I mean really, who am I to tell you what to do?

Your results also indicate that you have fairly high standards for attractiveness when evaluating potential sexual partners. I'm just saying, it's what the results indicate. I don't really think that's a problem for you, but this checklist I'm looking at says I'm supposed to mention it. Fuck, I'd be the same way if I were as cool as you and had all those women throwing themselves at me all the time.

This isn't really that kind of a test, but I'm going to give you an A+ anyway. What're they gonna do, fire me?

You ever feel something, know something so clearly that it just constantly amazes you that everyone around you doesn't get it? You ever find yourself saying the same things over and over and over and over and always feel like you need to say it a few more times because everyone around you still just doesn't get it?

Instead of acceptance, I'm constantly met with disbelief and derision, sympathy and smugness, advice and assurance.

Just stop. How many times do I have to ask? Stop doubting everything I say and do simply because you don't understand it. Stop tiptoeing around me like I'm made of glass. Stop analyzing me like I'm some kind of freak. Stop trying to fix me like I'm broken.

Just fucking stop.

I don't want any of that. All I want is acceptance. That I am this way. That I want to be like this. That this is who I've become. Either accept it or not. I won't say that I don't care what you choose to do, because that would be a huge lie. I care a lot. Probably more than I should. But if you decide, if you decide that you don't like who I am, then don't set out to change me so that I better suit your needs. Don't even try, because it won't work. I don't want to change, and I will fight you like I'd fight for my last breath.

Shit, now I've thought of another entry to write.