For the past nine days, I've been on-call for work.

What that means is that I get to try to do my normal job during the day, except that I get to drop everything to handle all of the emergencies that keep popping up. It also means that I get to have my phone ring at all hours of the night because of the emergencies that pop up then.

I went off-call at 5:00 this evening.

I'm so happy I could shit.

Well I'm pretty close to getting this update completed.

The most obvious thing left to do is the graphics section - I haven't even touched it yet. Instead, I've been working on about a million little nagging nuisances with the blog pages.

Some are still there, but most have been taken care of. I'm hoping to have the rest of this shit done by this weekend, but I make no promises.

Well now I can't sleep anymore.

Okay, maybe I'll be able to sleep again at some point in my life, but it certainly won't be before I write this dream down. I'm a little bit freaked-out.

It was the usual crowd at Grandma's house. Not really a party, just a get-together to recognize that it was Grandma's birthday.

I was there, as were my sisters and their kids, my uncles and aunts, and a couple of cousins. I remember being surprised to see my sister Neisha there because the event wasn't being held in Salem.

We were all just sort of milling about trying our best not to say anything that would make Grandma cry. A tall order, that's what that is.

I was sitting in a recliner, and my uncle Stan plopped right down into my lap. Like he didn't even see me. But then he realized that I was there and moved over to the chair next to Grandma. He was trying to reach around her to get to the phone but his leg or hip was bothering him, and I could tell that it was causing him pain to reach like that. So I got up to get the phone for him. He saw me doing this, and just before I reached the phone he summoned some extra strength and grabbed it himself.

I thought that was weird.

I hadn't seen anything yet.

I went into Grandma's bathroom to splash some water on my face and get away from the crowd for a minute or two. When I turned away from the sink Grandma was shuffling toward me from the toilet. Yikes! I hadn't even seen her there! And the door hadn't been locked!

I started to stammer out an apology as I reached for the doorknob and pulled the door open to see...

Grandma shuffling down the hall, coming toward the bathroom.

Well her presence there startled the shit out of me, and my flinging the door open had startled the shit out of her, so I helped her get back onto the couch in the living room and we talked for a bit about how startled we'd been. About how I'd been especially started to see her in the hallway when I'd just turned away from her in the bathroom.

So that was another weird episode.

I still hadn't seen anything yet.

After a few more minutes, I moved over and sat on the hearth.

The front door opened, and my parents walked in.

Well of course they did, you might say. It was a family gathering after all.

The problem with having them walk in that door is that they've both been dead for years. Dad for almost eight years, Mom for eighteen.

And this dream was unusual because this time I knew they were dead, and everybody in the room knew they were dead. Usually when I dream about my parents they're alive like nothing ever happened.

Anyway, they walked past all of the shocked relatives and they sat on the couch, one on each side of Grandma. They each put an arm around her. Neither of them said a word, and nobody said much of anything to them. As for me, well I just sat frozen in shock.

One by one, people would come up and give Mom and Dad a hug. I sat and I waited for everyone else to finish. I hate lines, always have. Even for something like this, I prefer to wait until the line's gone.

After my sister Dina had hugged them, and introduced them to her son - their grandson - Gehrid, I stood up and walked the few feet to the couch.

I went to Mom first. I really really really looked at her face. Her eyes were intense, her jaw was locked. She was really struggling with something. I wondered if it was just the strain of joining the living that was doing this to her, or if it was something else. Like she knew a secret that she wished she didn't know.

I hugged Mom, and in a strange show of formality I kissed her hand, then I stepped over to Dad.

His face was the same way Mom's had been, even worse. He clearly had something pressing on his mind, and he looked like he was about to burst into tears.

I gave him a hug then I continued the strange formalness by shaking his hand. I looked him in the eyes and I said, "I'm not even going to ask where you've been, or how long you can stay. I just want to thank you for coming."

Dad looked back at me, and he said something to me.

Neither of them ever moved their arms from around Grandma's shoulders.

I suddenly realized that Neisha had been outside with the kids this entire time. I ran out back to get her, to tell her, Come quick! Mom and Dad are here!

I couldn't find Neisha, and I went back inside the house to see if maybe she was in the bathroom or one of the bedrooms or something.

But when I got back to the living room, Mom and Dad were gone.

And they'd taken Grandma with them.

I realized, at that point, that it hadn't been a birthday party at all that I was attending.

It was a wake. Grandma had passed away earlier that day.

And Mom and Dad had come to help her move on.

But I've had weird dreams before and I haven't jumped out of bed to write them down.

This one I had to write down though. This one was special.

What made it special?

Well, Dad had said something to me. Something that didn't really hit me until after I woke up.

In my dream, Dad had looked me in the eyes, his entire body shaking from whatever stress he was under, and he told me, "I'll see you again soon."

A quick show of hands, please. How many of you read this entry all the way through?

Okay, good. Now, those of you with your hands up. How many of you just felt a chill run down your spine?

Friday night was kind of a bust.

The place seemed more crowded than it was, mainly because of the presence of certain assholes.

I sat at the bar and had myself a Founder's Black Rye (32). I was pretty sure that I'd had this before, but the bartender didn't remember them carrying it. Well, I was right - I've had it before and I liked it okay.

Then some bullshit happened.

Then this one douchebag finally left the island so I moved my shit away from this one asshole and sat up there.

Coincidentally, or maybe on purpose, Rich O's also had Founder's Red Rye on tap. So I had one of those next (100). It was pretty good.

After a while, WomanRepellant came in and sat with me. Then some other people came and sat with us. Then some other people came and stood around us.

I was feeling pretty claustrophobic, and plus for some reason those two beers were going straight to my head.

So I went home.

On Saturday, SassyGirl called to see if I wanted to go over to the Cumberland Brewpub. Well, duh. Of course I did. They have such a yummy porter there.

I braved the weekend Bardstown Road traffic and met SassyGirl at about 6:30. I'd actually gotten lucky and I got to park right in front of the place. This is different than usual, when I have to park on Mars and then walk the rest of the way. So Yay!

I had a burger and fries, and a couple of yummy Cumberland Nitro Porters (160) while SassyGirl and I caught up on what's been happening since we last saw each other. We also talked about stuff like how her gaydar is quite accurate and mine sucks. I guess that makes sense though.

There was a chick at the bar that I thought was hot, and I was sure that SassyGirl would think so as well, but she once again baffled me by going, "Ehhh."

When we left Cumberland we went down the road a little to this place called Willy's. I'd never been there before, but I'd heard that they had a lot of beer on tap.

Well that part was true. Here's a picture of some of their 68 taps:

Pretty impressive, but also quite hard to read all those taps. Luckily they had a beer menu so we checked it out.

Proving once again that great minds think alike, except when it comes to which girls are hot, we chose the same beer:

Bert Grant's Perfect Porter (24)

(draft) I guess this place has gone out of business. Hmmm, I wonder how long this beer has been sitting in the keg. The first thing I noticed was that it was quite thin. Like water. It took me a long time to figure out how to describe the flavor. That's because there was nothing. It was all roasted malt. I think I'd have liked this better if it wasn't so old-tasting.

SassyGirl had to get ready for work, so we left Willy's at about 9:00. I took this picture of the dance floor on the way out:

Apparently there's a giant iguana that lives under there. Those are Mannequins of The Blues Brothers. Weird.

So I dropped SassyGirl back off at her truck and headed back to Indiana.

First thing I did, because I was in a mischievous mood, was go to Buckhead's. I didn't really plan to heckle my friend who recently started working there, but I wasn't feeling averse to making her think I was going to heckle her. For a minutes anyway.

Well, she wasn't there, but sometimes shit happens even when it's not the shit you were expecting.

MixedSignalGirl was there.

I was walking around the bar, looking at all the waitresses to see if my friend was working, and I nearly ran into MixedSignalGirl. She'd been walking around the bar, in the opposite.direction, looking for me.

Okay, to be fair, she wasn't quite looking for me. Just wondering if I was there. Well, I was. And so was she.

We spent a good few minutes joking about how fate had once again thrown us together. That's kind of a theme with us.

But she couldn't stay. She'd ordered food for herself and the asshole, so we went our separate ways.

It was still early, so I went to Rich O's next.

The place was actually pretty dead. I loved it. I sat at the bar and had a Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier (873) and talked for a bit with ElPresidente.

Once the PBDs cleared out, I had a bit of an episode. I looked at this...

...and felt a little nostalgic. Okay, a lot nostalgic.

Luckily that wave of emotion passed through me quickly, and I felt fine after that. I came home and shot some pool until about 4:00.

Okay, this is still a work in progress.

I'd wanted to get the entire site revamped before I went live with this new look, but it's taking me forever.

I decided that I didn't want to wait any longer. I wanted to provide commenting capabilities.

So, as of right now, the main blog has a new look that is still being tweaked, but all of the other crap on this site still has the old look.

There are zillions of things left for me to do, I know.

But the commenting seems to be working.

(continued)

I'll tell you what I wish. You won't be surprised.

I wish that I'd met MixedSignalGirl about six months earlier.

Because that way, see, my heart would already have been awakened, but it would not yet have imprinted itself on anyone. And by anyone I of course mean you know who.

Yes, I wish I'd met her earlier. Before it was too late. There was beautiful potential there. There really was.

I was sitting at Hooter's tonight waiting for my cousin Jeff to arrive and give me a ride home. He came in when I typed (to be continued) earlier.

Jeff and I sat and talked with each other and with the pretty bartender. It was good to see him. It was especially good to see him away from his usual haunt, which is the Hooter's in Jeffersonville. When Jeff's away from his normal hangout he's more like his old self.

Let's see, I ended up having a couple more Newcastles (1884) and a Diet Coke.

Obviously, I was in more of a mood to write earlier than I am right now.

At least I finished the thing.

The bartender just dug a pen out of her purse for me. She must want it up the ass. Not the pen though. Or maybe the pen. I dunno, but I bet she wants something up the ass.

I'm sitting at the Hooter's in Clarksville, having just dropped my truck off at the nearby Toyota dealer. They're having a recall so they can replace some steering doohickey. Apparently, these doohickeys are prone to breakage and causing hilarity on the highways. Yikes! I'm also going to get my A/C fixed in the thing.

Oh yeah, I'm having a yummy Newcastle (1848) and it's yummy. So take that, Roger!

I was sitting here thinking about, wondering about actually, what would have happened if I'd taken the advice of so many people and just went for it. Or, "Whipped it out," as it was more often suggested.

I don't know why I was wondering about this. I already know what would have happened. I've known all along. Even when it was still easy to know, even then I knew there was no future for us.

A couple of weeks. Maybe a month. Maybe a little longer because I'm stubborn and because she's so incredibly fucking beautiful and wonderful, but that would be all.

I'm having another Newcastle (1860) now.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Nowhere.

I'm just killing time here.

I continue to be astonished by the fact that I'm still alive. That this news didn't kill me. In many ways, I'm more perplexed and surprised now that I was back when all this shit started. Oh, back then that took me by surprise, sure, but since then I'd begun to think that I'd gotten to know myself fairly well. Well enough to know the difference between that which would completely devastate me and that which I'd simply shrug off.

Well, I was wrong. Again.

I'm thinking about having that engraved on my tombstone. Like this:

Anyway, to jump back to the beginning of this sorry excuse for an entry, there was never any real possibility for a future between us. My brain has always known this, but it took time for my heart to finally shut the fuck up long enough that my brain could be heard.

You know what I wish?

Of course you do. You have my entire journal memorized. Plus, you can read my mind.

(to be continued)

Look into an emergency.

Look into another emergency.

Attend a meeting.

Look into the second emergency some more.

Explain why you aren't looking into the first emergency.

Attend another meeting.

Hand the first emergency off to someone else.

Fix the second emergency.

Attend yet another meeting.

Look into the third emergency.

Fix the third emergency.

Repeat for ever and ever.

...should be Thursday.

That is all.