Walking into Rich O's last night, I did my normal survey.

Hot girls in the front area? Check, check, check, check.

Hot girl on the sofa? Check.

Hot girls at the island? Check and check.

Hot girl on the loveseat? Check

Wait a minute.

Where the fuck was I? This couldn't be Rich O's. Doesn't Roger have some kind of rule about hot girls? Oh, I guess it is Rich O's, because there's SuperShitHead being all supershitheady over at the stand-up bar.

I thought for a second about grabbing the throne, but the hot girls in that area were with guys, so I sat at the bar and turned sideways so I had a view of the whole room. I had myself a Bell's Kalamazoo Stout (125).

There was this very LOUD 200-year-old man at the bar, and I almost immediately regretted my seating choice. I was contemplating the throne again when SpikeBoy came in and grabbed the seat next to me.

I showed him my rock, and we talked about what a douchebag SuperShitHead was, and we went ahead and divvied up the hot girls in the place. I got dibs on the brunettes and SpikeBoy got everyone else.

I'd just finished striking up a cooperative wingman deal with SpikeBoy. He could have first shot at every girl that ever came in except for two. First was LaptopGirl, and second was HatGirl. This struck SpikeBoy as a perfectly fine arrangement because like he'd ever have a chance with either of those girls anyway. In return for my generosity, SpikeBoy agreed to immediately call me if either of those two girls ever stepped foot in Rich O's again.

Eventually the couple on the sofa got up and left, so we grabbed our shit and moved over there. I sat on the sofa and looked across the coffee table into the eyes of... HatGirl.

She'd been sitting there the whole time, I'd checked her off when I first came in and did my site survey, but I hadn't recognized her without her hat. This isn't the first time this has happened either.

Of course she was with her boyfriend, who I like to call LuckyFucker. Doesn't seem like a bad guy actually. I ended up talking with him and HatGirl for the rest of the night.

I showed her my rock.

After a bit, I moved to the throne because (a) the couch is in really bad shape and (b) having HatGirl directly in front of me was a little disconcerting.

I had another Bell's Kalamazoo Stout (145).

Eventually HatGirl and LuckyFucker went home. SpikeBoy had already left, so I was left alone again. I had a half-pint of Guinness (954) and left at about 10:30.

This proved to be a bad time to leave, because VigilanteGirl was still working at Gas-N-Stuff. She grouchily denied being grouchy lately. And grouchily accused me of being grouchy.

Whatever. Grouch.