Yesterday I was poking around The Dilbert Blog, which might be more accurately called The Scott Adams Blog but then it might only get a zillionth of the traffic it gets.
Seriously, this guy could trip over his cat, fall on his keyboard, and the resulting post would net ten thousand hits and one thousand comments.
Anyway, I really like it. Scott Adams writes the way I wish I wrote. He writes the way things sound in my head.
So I was reading an old entry about affirmations, which is this deal where you write down something that you want to accomplish and it comes true. Specifically, you write down your goal fifteen times a day for at least six months. And then it comes true.
You write, for example, I will cure cancer. You write that fifteen times a day for six months, and then you cure cancer.
Sounds pretty fishy, right?
Shouldn't that be Smells pretty fishy? I don't know. Or care.
I decided to give these affirmations thingies a try. What's the worst that could happen? That they wouldn't work. That I wouldn't achieve whichever goal I was trying to achieve.
Well, whichever goal I chose would be one that I wasn't achieving anyway, so there's no loss. Try to keep up please.
The decision to do the affirmations having been made, I had one final choice.
Which goal should I pick?
The cure cancer one is too obvious. I bet a lot of people are already doing that one. I'd hate to waste my affirmations on something only to find out that some prick had already achieved my goal.
In fact, I figured that most of the selfless goals like the cancer one and world peace were already taken. So I needed to find something more personal.
I toyed briefly with improbable goals like I will find a gazillion dollars, and seemingly impossible goals like I will understand women, and countless others, but none really jumped out to me as the goal which would be worth the effort of writing it down fifteen times a day for six months.
I was getting frustrated with myself, and I went to the kitchen to refill my soda.
And I tripped over my dick.
After that, I realized that the choice was easy.
So I grabbed my pen, and I opened my new affirmations-only notebook to the first page, and I wrote.
I will stop tripping over my dick.
I wrote that fifteen times.
I even wrote the date at the top of the page, though I don't think that's an official part of the affirmations rule. I just thought it made the whole thing look more official.
If this works for me, then I'll finally be rid of a curse that's plagued me since puberty.
I'll keep you posted.