I sat down here a few minutes ago, thinking that I should probably do a weekend recap or some shit like that.
So here goes.
Saturday night I had a 1950s date with a nice girl I met Friday at lunch. After lunch actually. We did the 1950s dinner (Red Lobster) and a movie (Children of Men) thing. It was quite nice, and I think we actually like each other, but it's a bit too soon for me, and we both realized it at about the same time. I mean, I met her about two minutes after MixedSignalGirl ended our lunch date so abruptly.
Sunday I worked all damn day, then I took a five-hour nap.
Okay, that's my weekend recap. I never said it would be interesting.
Plus, I want to write about something else. Something that I started thinking and wondering about right after my nap.
Emotionally, I am about halfway shut down, I think. But realistically I should be much much worse. I want to be much worse.
I don't know if the events of the past couple of years have numbed me, or if maybe I just don't care about these new things as much as I'd have thought, or if maybe I'm still in denial.
I kinda hope it's only the denial thing.
Because I don't want to be numb. I paid too high a price to get my emotions back to have them come back neutered.
I don't want to be apathetic either.
I hope it's just denial, and I hope that someday soon reality will trample its way into my head and my heart and destroy me.
I don't want to be sort of sad. I want to be devastated and obliterated.
Weird, I know.
You know what? This subject is worthy of more creative ability than I can muster right now.
Maybe some other time.