My plan was brilliant in its simplicity. It would have been staggering in its effectiveness. If it had been effective at all.

Step One: Take a nap.

Step Two: Wake up refreshed.

Step Three: Go out and enjoy my Friday night.

But noooooooooooooooooooo!

At approximately T-Plus five minutes into Step One, my cat Buddy walked into the bedroom and loudly announced, "MEEEEEEOOOOORRRRROOOOWWWW!!!"

For those of you who don't have cats, and therefore don't understand their language, this translates as, "Hey you! I think I saw a lizard outside! Fetch!"

The sound of Buddy's wail cut right into my soul. It woke me up at the worst possible time. That few seconds when I was almost asleep, but not quite. And now my brain has been fooled into thinking I took a nap. My body is arguing vehemently with my brain, but my brain is being stubborn.

So tonight I get to go out and attempt to have an enjoyable Friday night even though I haven't slept since 11:30 last night.

And I bet there was no goddamn lizard, either.