By the time I'd posted my overlap entry late Friday night, it had already happened. But nobody knew it yet besides the dozens of kids who'd started calling each other within minutes.
My sister didn't find out until after 5:00 Saturday morning. I didn't find out until after 6:00.
At 6:21, my phone rang. I looked at the screen. It was my sister, Dina. I answered. She was crying.
Now my grandmother has been in the hospital for a couple of weeks, and not in the best of health. So I steeled myself for the news that my grandmother had died.
But that's not what had happened. That's not why Dina was crying.
I can never remember the exact words at times like this.
"Cory...(blah)...accident...(blah)...killed...died," she told me.
My mind went off-track. I hadn't steeled myself for this. Not at all.
Wait a second, I thought. Cory is her son's name. My nephew's name. And he was killed AND he died? That's just too much.
It's still too much. It will be too much for a very long time.
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I've been at Dina's all day. Everyone has gathered around her. Doing what we can, which isn't much, but it's something. Making phone calls so family and friends don't hear about it on the news. Screening calls to Dina's house. Making sure that someone is always at her side, offering comforting touches.
My family is destroyed.
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I suppose it's ironic or something that all of the thoughts I used to suppress so that I could sleep, those are the thoughts I call upon now to let me sleep. I call upon these fantasies from the past to distract me from the horrors of the present.
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I went to work Monday. Dina had gone to the visitation for another boy killed in the accident. I needed to keep busy. So I sat at work and configured some software while my nephew lay on a slab at the funeral home.
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I'm so worried about my sister. About everyone in my family, but mostly about Dina.
This is the hardest thing she will ever do. She will get through it though. Not because she wants to, because there will certainly be times when she doesn't want to. But she'll get through it because she has to. Because she's the strongest person I know, and because she has a daughter and another son. She will get through this and while she'll never get over this pain, she will get to the point where she can at least live with it.
---
Tomorrow is Cory's visitation. The funeral is Wednesday.
So fucking surreal.
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One of many news stories about the accident.
There's nothing much I can add, so I won't be foolish enough to try, except to offer sincere condolences.
After I pieced all this together yesterday, I looked on myspace and found Timothy's page and the goodbyes posted there. Fucking surreal, indeed, and yet these fundamental things still apply ... with the mode of delivery changing.
The pain's the same, though. I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by: Roger A. Baylor | August 14, 2007 9:46 PM
My deepest empathy to you and your family, especially your sister.
I know how losing a child can affect a family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
posted by: Neve | August 15, 2007 12:34 PM
Thanks to both of you for your kind words. I will be sure to pass them along to my family.
posted by: dave | August 15, 2007 7:57 PM
Just wanted you to know that I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.
posted by: hey | August 16, 2007 1:43 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss Dave, I can't even imagine what your family is going through, but I will continue to pray for you all and hope you will all find the strength to make it through. I wish there was something more I could do.
posted by: Stephanie | August 16, 2007 9:56 AM
omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod omigod I'm calling you right now.
posted by: Amy | August 16, 2007 5:17 PM
Dave,
My personal condolences to you and your family's loss. I just got into town and read this and am at a loss of words.
posted by: Todd Antz | August 18, 2007 8:54 PM