I was just thinking about the conversation I had with StupidGirl the other night. One of the things we talked about, and I really thought I'd already told her about this, was what happened between me and MixedSignalGirl.
Well, she said that I hadn't told her. So it must have been someone else. Some other girl in some other port, ArtGirl might guess.
Anyway, I told her what happened, not at the very end, but at the very beginning of the very end. When she'd
asked demanded the impossible of me, and so instead of taking that ring out of my pocket, I'd stood up and walked away.
"Wow," StupidGirl said. "That must have been really hard."
"Well, it certainly wasn't any fun," I replied. "But it was one of the easiest things I've ever done."
"So you took the easy way out," StupidGirl commented.
Ouch. I'm pretty sure she was trying to be funny, but still, ouch.
Over the years that have passed since that night, people have almost uniformly told me that I did the wrong thing. That I should have done as MixedSignalGirl had
demanded requested. That I'd been staring happiness in the face but that I'd been too blind to see.
I knew exactly what I was walking away from. Doing that was hard. What made it easy was knowing that I had no choice.
If I'd done what MixedSignalGirl had
asked demanded, I'd have, via that very act, proved myself to be unworthy of her love.
I knew it, and that's why walking away was easy.
I'd walk away again. Even knowing what I now know, I'd walk away.
I forget where I was going with this entry.