Sunday, February 28, 2010
posted by dave at 8:56 PM in category pictures, quickies
It's not that I do, it's that I still do. It's a subtle difference, but a difference nevertheless.
Waiting for OddlyFamiliarGirl. I can't remember the last time I was in here.
Just when I find a good girl...
I'm watching a show about how the andromeda galaxy is going to collide with ours in several billion years. So, that's just great. Fucking timing...
StupidGirl is worried, and she has every right to be. And she's correct. It will happen again. Someday.
Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron
(draft) Black with a decent brown head. Aroma of roasted malts and I'm gonna say coffee. Flavor like the aroma, but with a fairly strong alcohol finish. Decent.
Aecht Schlenkerla Eiche
(draft) Pours a dark gold, with a huge white head. Looks like a lager. Smoky aroma and flavor, pretty good. Reminds me of Spezial.
It's a good night for a fire.
The problem with gobbling up bullshit, aside from the taste, is that it lingers on one's breath and makes them unbearable to be around.
This was not my choice. Not even close to my choice. But, I'm trying to respect it anyway.
I feel like I should say something. What I should say isn't very nice, though, so instead I'll just say that I'm happy.
We're going to go see this Criss Angel Believe show. I'm excited.
Straight to sleep. What a brilliant idea. I'd be very happy if I wasn't so tired.
Now my hard-earned decent mood is shot to shit. Thanks a fucking lot.
I just went outside. It's like a mother-in-law convention out there.
Uh oh
Thinking about going to see an old friend.
The anti-Lent
Pizza and beer for lunch.
Trying to separate the signal from the noise...
The Antiques Road Show dude almost killed that old woman.
Why do people keep talking to me? Don't they realize that they don't matter to me at all? Don't they realize that they suck?
I'm at this Chin Chin place. This is the place that started my recent obsession with Asian food. I ordered peanut noodles with chicken. Fucking yummy.
Small world
Talking to the same hooker I talked to in November. I'm still not interested.
Trying to decide whether to start my birthday on EST or PST...
Arrived in Vegas, baby!
Got my first birthday present of the year. Now I'm gonna cry.
We're just wasting time now.
He was crying, and we told him he'd see me again in a month. I bet he thinks we were lying to him.
Getting ready to start getting ready...
I'm showing incredible restraint right now. The world should be proud of me. I know that I'm proud of myself.
Not because there's nothing, but because there's too much. Too fucking much.
Totally worth it...
HatGirl! Yay!
Friday, February 26, 2010
posted by dave at 3:27 PM in category ramblings

So, this is what I wrote. One of the last things I wrote, will ever write. I'm not in the habit of making private conversations public, but I'm going to make an exception in this case. I hope that those of you who might choose to be cruel will read this, and know that it's the truth, and know that there is no cause for cruelty.

Most of the time, I'm very grateful. I got to feel something that a lot of people never get to feel. And I got to be important to you, albeit for a relatively brief time. Most of the time, I know that I'll be eternally grateful for all of this. So many people are zombies, or clueless. I'm neither, and that's all been because of you.
I wrote that as this ride of ours coasted to a stop. It was a fantastic ride. Scary and exhilarating. I wish it could have gone on forever. But, it didn't.

Thursday, February 18, 2010
posted by dave at 11:15 PM in category travel

"Just write," she says.

"I don't know how," I say. "Not anymore."

"It's just like riding a bike," she says. "Just get on. It will all come back to you."


So tomorrow morning, I leave. In about 8.5 hours, to be precise, I leave. Again.

This time, I'm going to Las Vegas, for 6 days. It's supposed to be for a vacation. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Anything more than that will just be a bonus.

I'll go and I'll have fun and I'll celebrate my birthday and I'll spend some time with someone who actually appreciates me. As a person, and as a man.

I should be excited. I should have been chomping at the bit for a month, in anticipation of this trip. But, I'm not. And, I haven't been, and it's kinda too late to start now.

It's not that I'm dreading this trip. Nothing like that at all. It's just that I'm not nearly as excited as I should be. As I could be. As I want to be.

I'll go. And I'll have a good time. I know that I'll have a good time. And whatever happens will happen, and then, most likely, I'll come back home.

And there's the rub, I think.

No matter where I go, or how long I'm gone, the odds are very good that I'll still have to come back.

And there's no longer any reason to come back.


And the funny thing is, back when I was 30, I realized that I'd forgotten how to ride a bike.

You don't turn the bar to steer, you just lean. It took me a while to remember that.

posted by dave at 7:43 PM in category ramblings

If I would just write. I mean really write. I know I could accomplish something with it. Even if the something was nothing more than the long overdue clearing of my head and my heart. These thoughts grown stale. These feelings wilted from lack of nourishment.

I can still do it, you know. I can still let my fingers tap-tap-tap away on my keyboard and watch words appear on my screen. I'm doing it right now, actually. But these words aren't me. These words are just shadows of who and what I am. My tap-tap-tapping fingers force the words into the light, and they disappear.

Where do shadows go when the light shines?

And what's left behind, when the shadows are gone?

Sunday, February 14, 2010
posted by dave at 3:29 AM in category pictures, quickies
10 seconds at a time...
I got to see HatGirl, and most of you didn't! I win!
I get to see HatGirl in less than an hour! Yay! It's been a bajillion years.
MusicalYuppieDude is fired up!
Still being a good boy. Still don't fucking like it.
I wish my swing was fixed. I'm in the mood to sit on my swing. Oh, and I also wish it wasn't a bazillion degrees below zero outside.
Quote of the day
"I don't feel like I'm short-changing myself. I get to be in love. A lot of people never get to do that." -- from an old email.
Being a good boy, but not liking it very much...
This one fucker just will. Not. Shut. Up. I may have to kill him.
Getting there...
I pore over the memories, looking for the code that I can break. But I begin to suspect that it's not so simple as a code; it's a different language altogether.
A cult by any other name...
It's late, and I'm thinking. So I'll either have great dreams, or horrible ones.
"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." -- R.A.H.
Uphill from here
My night so far has consisted of skunked beer, shitty pizza, and a bunch of old men pretending to be The Who.
Newcastle, check. Wick's pizza, on the way. Something to watch on TV tonight, still pondering.
"Once in a great while lips meet and two spirits merge for a time and the universe is right and complete and the planets wheel in their proper places. Once in a while the lonely, broken spirit of a man is healed and made whole. For a while his quest is over and his questions are answered." -- R.A.H.
I wish I knew what to say.
I just realized that, if things were different, we could have gone sledding today.
Because it was asked of me. That's the only reason.
I wonder what the climate is like on that planet.
Thursday I think
It's not as much fun to glare at my phone when (a) I'm not sure I want it to woohoo anyway, and (b) she's in the next room.
Stupid Bearno's changed their hours. Now they don't open until 4:00. Also, the unfortunately named girl is working.
My brain is exploding. Time for lunch.
I'm watching it again, because I'm a glutton for punishment.
I'm so worried about my friend, I can't even see straight, let alone think straight.
Still life
New puzzles
You know you care
Got my new puzzles. Still waiting on my new phone.
Sweet dreams...
...sweet girl.
I'm not sure if I was dreading it, or hoping for it. Either way, it didn't happen, and now I'm disappointed.
Never again should it be said that I'm dimmer than a burned-out headlight...
Pete Jr. is outside!
So there.
My new phone didn't arrive today. You know you care. I hope they didn't ship it to Washington by mistake.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
posted by dave at 12:48 AM in category ramblings

I can't help but wonder. Just like you, my dear readers, can't help but wonder.

So what if we wonder about different things? We're still in this boat together, in a way. There is a difference, though. You can always jump ship, but I cannot. I'm the fucking captain, for better or for worse. I'll go down with this ship, or I'll keep it afloat and bring it into port. Time will tell, I guess.

I mean, you wonder about how long I can keep writing about the same old thing, the same old crap.

I, meanwhile, wonder about other things.

Like, tonight, exactly who am I even writing about?

The lying bitch who used me and then tossed me aside? Or maybe the sweet girl who felt genuine affection for me, only to have it evaporate before it could solidify? Was I a victim of indescribable cruelty, or were we victims of timing?

I wish that I knew. I really do. It would/should/could make all the difference in the world. To walk, or to run, or perhaps to stand my ground, at least a little longer...

I don't even write here anymore. Not because I don't need to write, or even because I don't want to write. I don't write because, what would I say? What good would it do? What would be the point?

I constantly look for the words to say to make everything right. I've been looking for so long. I'm convinced that the words exist. Such is my delusion, perhaps, but also such is my salvation.

I'm still met with disbelief, after all this time - and I meet it with my own disbelief.

Excuses after excuses, but never a reason.


Did I need a reason?


So why should I expect one in return?

Answer: I shouldn't.

But, I do.

Something that I can believe. Something that's not clearly made-up bullshit. Something that's more than just an excuse.


So there.

Sunday, February 7, 2010
posted by dave at 3:01 AM in category ramblings

It felt like I'd forgotten to wear pants.

It was Wednesday, I think. I was sitting in the throne at Rich O's. Or somebody was sitting there. I'm not convinced that it was me, despite numerous testimonies.

It was like one of those dreams. You're at school and everything is cool and then you notice that you're not wearing any pants.

I'd definitely forgotten something. Where was it? What was it?

Then, Thursday night, it felt like I had an itch. One I couldn't scratch. Not one of those annoying itches in the middle of your back that you can't reach, but deeper. Under the skin. In my heart or my brain or my soul - I couldn't pin it down. It was an irritating itch, but it wasn't unbearable.

Dammit, it should have been unbearable.

I'm not really sure what's happening.

HatGirl thinks I'm being stoic. But it's not that. It's something else. I'm something else.

Tonight was another weird night. I knew exactly what I was supposed to be feeling, but I couldn't quite get there. I was a needle on a record player, running parallel to the music but never quite in the right groove.

I hope I haven't become a pod person. I hate pod people.

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

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