posted by dave on Sunday, August 22, 2010 at 10:41 PM in category ramblings

I'm trying to be reasonable now. It's tough going, because it's totally unfamiliar territory for me. But I am trying.

It's just so hard, so incredibly hard to separate the reasonable emotions from the unreasonable kind. To throw the latter away and deal with the former in a semi-mature manner.

Earlier tonight - about four hours ago - would have been a much better time for me to write this entry. Earlier tonight, I was much closer to the place I want to be. A shitty place, but a place I know I can endure because I've endured for so long already.

Now, four hours later, not so much.

The thing is, I haven't been exaggerating about any of this. In fact, I've toned things down a lot. Because the truth unbelieved is often worse than a lie. Because the truth stands all alone. Because the truth hurts.

And, now, it's happening all over again. And so, now, I wipe the spit from my face and I wait, all over again.

Wait for what?

I don't know. I used to know, I really did.

Now, six months later, not so much.

I do know it's more than just inertia that makes me wait again. And I know it's more than just stubbornness. And it's still a fuck of a lot more than a crush, no matter how ready people still seem to be to label it as such.

Hope?

I don't think so. Hope needs a target, and there isn't one that I can detect.

The comparison has been made a million times. The challenge. But the simple facts are that A does not equal B, and B does not equal A.

Not even close.

I wish I knew the magic words, to make my dreams come true.

Also, I wish I still had dreams.

comments (1)

Dave,
I am really sorry you are having this trouble in what must be a continuing-education algebra class. I actually have a background in the sciences, so maybe I can help alleviate some of this angst and suffering.
You ARE correct that if A is not equal to B, then B is not equal to A. In any problem involving multiple variables, there must be a matching number of unique equations in order to solve for all of the vaiables. For example:
A = B+1
B = square root of 81 (B = 9)
Therefore A = 10

2 variables (A and B) and 2 equations (A=B+1 and B=sq rt 81)
As far as magic is concerned, I am not sure what you mean, but maybe your teacher was referring to "imaginary" as in "Imaginary numbers." these are a bit more high-level, and involve the square root of -1, which is represented by the letter i. I wouldn't worry about this yet, because it comes much later,
Hope this helps. Post again if you have any questions.

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