Today was kinda cool, I suppose.

I had lunch at Polly's Freeze again, and it was good, but this was the second day in a row in which I had to sit in the old people section because kids were at my favorite table. That scenario is all a little too leading and obvious and ominous for my tastes.

Heh, I originally wrote testes instead of tastes. I must be channeling Beavis or Butthead.

I was getting ready for my sister's cookout, and I didn't have enough appealing beer at home. Just one bottle of Spezial, and a bunch of strong Belgians. So I went to this stupid liquor store in Louisville (Indiana liquor stores are closed on Sundays) and looked for some smoked beer. I didn't find any, so I just bought some Hoegaarden White.

Dina's thingy was fun, as those things go. I never quite feel right. Like, I know I'm not a stranger to those people, but I feel like I'm one. So I did my best to stay out of everyone's way. And I really enjoyed the Spezial (1470) I'd brought from home.

I got to see BadPickleGirl. That was cool. And I got to see my friend Eric's wife Teri. Eric himself was a no-show. Something about some cousin from Detroit that I never heard of.

I had one of the Hoegaardens (44), but it just didn't taste very good. I'd really had my heart set on smoked beer. Oh well.

Then the guys all went to pitch horseshoes and, lacking a partner, I stayed with the women folk. If Eric had been there we'd have pitched some games, but again, there was that cousin from Detroit thing.

There have been times when Teri has completely saved me, by giving me someone to talk to for hours. Today was not one of those times. She and the kids left fairly early. BadPickleGirl left shortly afterwards, and I suddenly found myself surrounded by people who've no doubt been bombarded with endless stories of what an asshole I am.

So, I left as well.

On the way home, I stopped by BadPickleGirl's house and watched some TV. And I got my beer glasses back. So that was cool. She's very pretty, and her daughter's very charming and precocious, and it would probably be funny if I wrote some gushing love diatribe about BadPickleGirl, but it just seems like too much trouble. And it wouldn't be that funny anyway.

And now I'm very tired, but I don't want to go to sleep because, when I wake up, I have to go back to work.

Oh yeah. As we were leaving Rich O's, I put NotHideousGirl in charge of reminding me that I was cut-off from beer for the rest of the night. It wasn't because I felt that I'd had too much. It was just on the principle of the thing. I mean, I'd had three Delirium Tremens.

So I got to Mac's and I didn't know anyone. I sat at the bar and ordered a Newcastle (4450). I know, NotHideousGirl had failed in her duty already! And she wasn't even there yet. Though I guess, to be fair, the fact that she wasn't there yet may have contributed to her dereliction.

A couple of minutes after I sat down a cute blonde girl came and sat a couple of places down from me. So I got to talking with her, and that was pretty much the theme of the night for me. I'd talk to CuteBlonde for a while, then I'd go over and sit with NotHideousGirl and her friend Calculon (or something like that) for a while. Then CuteBlonde would wave me back over, and I'd go talk to her some more.

It was a little scary at first, how much we had in common. So we spent some time searching for reasons that we shouldn't just run away together. A couple of little things came to light, but none of them seemed to be insurmountable obstacles to our everlasting love...

...until she said that she thought that Dwight Schrute could beat up Jack Bauer.

So that particular romance ended before it had even really began. But I still spent the rest of the night continuing to alternate between her at the bar, and NotHideousGirl and Calculon at a table. And FutureDude, who had snuck in at some point.

I also alternated between Diet Cokes and Newcastles. I really have no idea how many more Newcastles I had. Some number between three and eight hundred million. I think I'll just say three (4498).

I didn't get to hear NotHideousGirl sing nearly as much as I'd have liked. It seemed that every time she got up to sing I was over at the bar talking to CuteBlonde.

They closed the place down at 3:00 or so, and everybody left. CuteBlonde gave me a hug. I'll probably never see her again.

And this is the part of the entry where I think I'm finished. But then I always think of a bunch of little trivial tidbits that I wish I'd mentioned. So I'll try to think of them before I post the entry this time.

---

It seemed like NotHideousGirl was trying to wing for me at one point. This was a bad idea because CuteBlonde had been convinced all night that (a) NotHideousGirl and I were a couple, and (b) that NotHideousGirl was going to start a fight with her over me.

---

This seems to be a recurring theme in peoples' thoughts lately. We may need to stage that break-up fight after all.

---

This one dude, I shit you not, walked up to the dartboards, picked up six darts, and threw six bulls-eyes in a row. I saw this from across the room and then I went and told him that it was awesome.

---

There was a guy there who CuteBlonde confessed to having made-out with a few weeks earlier. So part of my mission for the night was to make sure that CuteBlonde was never left alone for very long.

---

Right at the end of the night I had a fucked-up phone conversation. Other than that, it was a pretty fun night.

6:45
I'm feeling a little uneasy right now. Maybe I'm simply dreading the after-thunder crowd I'm sure to encounter later. Or maybe it's just the 24 ounces of industrial swill sitting in my stomach. Whatever the reason, I just don't feel quite right.

I'm sitting at Tucker's, waiting for my steak and baked potato and mushrooms. Come to think of it, maybe this place is why I feel uneasy. We used to come here, every so often.

6:50
I'm going to need another Diet Coke soon. 'Cause it takes a million years to cook steak the way I like it. "Burnt," most would say.

6:56
They're showing the airshow on TV, of course. Looks really crowded. Later, they'll show the fireworks, and they'll be sure to waste a lot of airtime showing the faces of people as they watch the fireworks. I think they do that just to annoy people.

---

After that I didn't take any more notes. My steak was good. It was a bad cut, with a big line of fat running through the middle, but it tasted really good. Baked potato was good. Mushrooms were good. My second Diet Coke arrived just in time. Thanks for your concern.

I got to Rich O's at 8:00 or so. The parking lot was completely full. I hadn't been expecting that. Everybody was supposed to be at the airshow. But when I went in I saw that it really was kind of dead inside. Except for a birthday party going on in the special people section. So that explained the parking lot.

By this time my unease from earlier had gotten a little worse. Because I'd eaten way too much. I should have passed on the mushrooms, I think.

I sat on the throne and ordered a bottle of Delirium Tremens (891). A nice light Belgian will often calm down an upset stomach. LaptopGirl taught me that. But by the time I'd finished the bottle, I wasn't really feeling any better. I almost went home, but instead I just moved up to the bar. I think that the way I was sitting on the throne may have been contributing to my discomfort.

So I moved to the bar, and I had another Tremens (902). And I warned the bartenders that I might let out a 15-minute belch at any moment.

Talked to the bartenders, and then a couple I know moved up from the living room to the bar and I talked to them.

By the time I'd finished my third Tremens (913) I was feeling a lot better. I'd never had that 15-minute belch, but I'd had about a million little burps. I know, thanks for sharing.

FutureDude had told me earlier that NotHideousGirl would be singing karaoke at that Mac's place that I don't like. I already knew that because I'd read it in her blog. I wasn't planning to go because I'd been sure all week that NotHideousGirl had been avoiding me. It's this persecution complex that I have. Runs in my family.

But NotHideousGirl came into Rich O's to get something to eat before she went to Mac's. She sat at the bar with me and so I figured that maybe she hadn't been avoiding me after all. Or, if she had been, she'd gotten over it. In any event, after NotHideousGirl had picked at her food for a while, we left Rich O's. I went straight to Mac's, and she went home because she'd forgotten her glasses.

I feel like I'm really starting to ramble now, so I'll finish this entry later.

...I just wanted to say that that was the most fucked-up and surreal conversation I've ever had.

And I've had some real doozies.

But that takes the proverbial cake.

Lunch at Polly's.
        It's comfort food for me.
        Had to sit in the old people section,
                Some kids were at my usual table.

Continued Westward.

Took the scenic route as opposed to the non-scenic route.
        Consists of a ten-mile speedtrap.
                Known as Highway 37.
        HatGirl called me, so that was cool.
                Except that I almost died until I pulled off the road.
                HatGirl!
                        Yay!

Arrived in Derby.
        Also known as where?
        And never heard of it.

River was up pretty high.
        Probably as high as I've seen it down there.
        They had a signpost showing old flood levels.
                So it wasn't really that high at all.
        I should have taken a picture.

Ramsey's Tavern hadn't changed at all.
        Same generic old man at the bar.
        Same generic interchangeble bikers at the tables.
        Same stuffed deer heads on the walls.

They don't have Falls City anymore.
        I guess some things do change.
        The bartender remembered Dad.
                I think she's the one who had a major crush on him.
        Had two Bud Lights.
                Not as gross as I was expecting.
        Had a moment of panic when I saw that I had no phone signal there.
                What if HatGirl had tried to call again?
                        Ahhhhhhhhh!
        So I left.

Took the non-scenic, with-speedtrap route back home.
        Brought back memories of the day I met MixedSignalGirl.
                Which I think was the last time I went to Derby.
        Seeing the disabled car really brought back memories.
        It was a hot girl.
                Scantily-clad.
                With two kids hiding in the shade at the treeline.
                And a husband crouching in the driver's seat.
                        Oh, well.
        They didn't need anymore help.
                Somebody was already going to get some gas for them.
                i wish I'd had some cold sodas for the kids though.
                        They looked miserable.

TremensGirl said something last night that struck me as deep, and true, and I told her that I was going to use it, and credit her for saying it.

There's a fine line between a pussy and an asshole that every man must...

See, I forgot the last part.

Every man must what?

Walk?

Lick?

I'm thinking more likely the former, because it wasn't a sexual discussion. It was more about the two extremes of personalities that guys must avoid. I wasn't really in the conversation. I was just listening. But I should have tried harder to remember the entire quote.

Anyway, I spent the first half of Friday night at Rich O's, in the throne. It was a nice night. It wasn't too crowded at all, and the people who were there seemed to have about the same energy level that I had. I had a couple pints of NABC Jasmine (70), and about a half-pint of Upland Wheat (53). I had a couple of nice conversations with someone from my recent past, conversations that managed to pick me up and knock me down at the same time. I emailed RockGirl.

I left Rich O's at 11:00 or so, and went over to The Pub. There are a bunch of strangers and weirdoes in town for the annual Thunder Over Louisville air show and fireworks display, and I was kind of in the mood for talking to new people.

I ended up sitting with some people from Indianapolis who make the trek every year. One of them was particularly nice, and I talked to her pretty much exclusively for two or three hours. IndyGirl asked for my email address. I'm sure I'll never hear from her again.

Oh yeah, I had a couple pints of Newcastle (4434) and then a Diet Coke to round out the night.

Now I'm attempting to write an entry just because I have nothing else to do. My house is being cleaned right now, and I want to stay out of their way. Also, I don't want to feel guilty for not helping out.

So I'll write an entry about last night, and I'll type slowly to kill extra time.

Let's see...

Um...

Oh, yeah.

I went to Rich O's at about 7:00 or so. The parking lot was completely full, so I parked on Neptune. The crowd wasn't too bad inside the place. TallLady was in the throne, and some strangers were on the loveseat. I sat on the sofa and ordered a Schlenkerla Rauchbier Weizen (86). I kind of vegged out and did my best to deflect any questions directed at me.

Then after TallLady left I moved to the throne and ordered another Schlenkerla (103).

Then the weirdoes started pouring in.

One was HotEuchreGirl. She is, um, hot but she has weird friends. So it wasn't even that much of a chore to tear myself away from her and move to the island. The mass of weirdoes in the living room area took about a second to shift and heal the hole my departure had left.

SassyBoy and that one super cute girl from a couple of weeks ago came in. I sat at the island and talked with them for pretty much the rest of the night. Or, to be more precise, I talked to SassyBoy and somehow lost the power of speech every time I even looked in SuperCuteGirl's direction.

My next beer was going to be another Schlenkerla, but they're out of those now. Thanks to me. So I had a yummy Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier (1788) instead.

HotEuchreGirl came and sat with us for a while. I moved to the other end of the island so I could talk to her. I managed to scare her away fairly quickly. Probably with all the drooling.

My last beer was a Koningshoeven Quad (432) and it was nearly my downfall. I doubt that I could have had another drop of alcohol even if I'd wanted to.

So, I had a few diet cokes and then came home at around 12:30 or so.

Kind of a boring night.

t h e l e t t e r A
- - Are you available?: I suppose. Physically anyway.
- - What is your age?: 8042, counting all my past lives.
- - What annoys you?: People asking my age.

t h e l e t t e r B
- - Do you know anyone named Billy? I don't think so. I know a Willie. And a Bill or two.
- - When is your birthday?: February 20
- - Who is your best friend?: I'm not sure.

t h e l e t t e r C
- - What's your favorite candy?: If candy bars count, then Peanut Butter Twix. If candy bars don't count, then why the fuck not? They're good!
- - Crush?: Maybe one. It's a weird one though.
- - When was the last time you cried?: Me strong man. Me no cry.

t h e l e t t e r D
- - Do you daydream?: Sure.
- - What's your favorite kind of dog?: The kind that don't care what my crotch smells like.
- - What day of the week is it?: Thursday

t h e l e t t e r E
- - How do you like your eggs?: In Egg-McMuffin form, whatever that's called.
- - emergency room? Once for myself. A couple of times with other people.

t h e l e t t e r F
- - Do you use fly swatters?: My sister hides my fly swatters. I end up using whatever's handy.
- - Have you ever used a foghorn?: Don't think so.

t h e l e t t e r G
- - Do you chew gum?: Every now and then. I like Juicy Fruit.
- - Do you like gummy candies?: Not so much.

t h e l e t t e r H
- - How are you? I'm just ducky. Thanks for asking.
- - What's your height? 5'8"
- - What color is your hair?: Blonde, to my great dismay.

t h e l e t t e r I
- - What's your favorite ice cream?: Vannilla Fudge Swirl. Yummy.
- - Have you ever ice skated?: Define "skated." I slid around on skates once, when I was a kid, but I wouldn't call it skating.

t h e l e t t e r J
- - What's your favorite Jelly Bean?: Whatever kind I don't have to eat.
- - Have you heard a really hilarious joke lately?: Yes, it was about your mother though, so I won't repeat it publicly.
- - Do you wear jewelry?: I'm straight, so unless you count a watch...

t h e l e t t e r K
- - Who do you want to kill?: Nobody in particular comes to mind.

t h e l e t t e r L
- - Are you laid back?: I think so, as long I let myself vent every now and then.

t h e l e t t e r M
- - What was your favorite movie when you were little?: My sister and I used to stay up late to watch the original Time Machine. It was pretty cool.

t h e l e t t e r N
- - Do you have a nickname?: I suppose that Dave is a nickname for David.
- - What's your favorite number?: Don't have one.
- - Do you prefer night or day?: Night.

t h e l e t t e r O
- - What's your one wish?: I only get one?!? Well screw you. I'll find myself a genie having a two-for-one sale, at least.
- - Are you an only child?: I have two sisters, but they're grown up. I"m the only one who's still a child.

t h e l e t t e r P
- - What are you most paranoid about?: What is your reason for asking that? Who put you up to it?
- - Piercings?: No, I'm straight.

t h e l e t t e r Q
- - Are you quick to judge people?: Sometimes. Like if they're an obvious asshole.

t h e l e t t e r R
- - Do you think you're always right?: Me strong man. Me am always right.
- - Do you watch reality TV?: Survivor and Amazing Race and American Idol.
- - Reasons to cry?: I've heard that some chicks and gay guys cry when they get their hearts broken. Or maybe if they stub their toe really bad.

t h e l e t t e r S
- - Do you prefer sun or rain? Sun. Duh.
- - Do you like snow? I wish we'd actually get some snow around here.
- - What's your favorite season?: Summer.

t h e l e t t e r T
- - What time is it?: 6:41 PM
- - What time did you wake up?: 3:04 this morning. I thought I heard my phone ring.

t h e l e t t e r U
- - Can you ride a unicycle? Never tried. I imagine that I would kill myself and any bystanders if I ever did try.

t h e l e t t e r V
- - What's the worst veggie?: Lots of them. Beets are probably the worst. I mean, what the fuck are those things?

t h e l e t t e r W
- - What's your worst habit?: Filling out long surveys for my blog.

t h e l e t t e r X
- - Have you ever had an x-ray? A few, for suspected broken bones.
- - Do you own a xylophone?: No, I'm straight.

t h e l e t t e r Y
- - Do you like the color yellow?: Couldn't think of anything better to ask for the letter Y, could you?

t h e l e t t e r Z
- - Do you believe in the zodiac?: I've seen some things that make me wonder if the personality types associated with astrological signs might be valid. The whole predicting the future thing though - I guess I think that's crap.
- - What's your sign?: Pisces.

Waiting for my shirt to dewrinkle again. Always an exciting time. Time in which to ponder the vast mysteries of the universe.

Such as, I know this one girl who usually pees every ten minutes or so. What's up with that?

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, seems to go for weeks at a time without relieving himself. It's actually a little scary, waiting for him to explode in a cloud of urine. Wondering if I'll be caught in the blast.

I, contrary to popular belief, am not a freak. As least not in this particular area. I pee exactly as often as a normal person should pee.

But I think it might be a good thing to have my guy friend's bladder power. I mean, it always feels good to pee. And it always feels even better the worse I have to go, and the more volume I put out. So, I reason, if I could go for even a few days between urinations, then how good would it feel when I finally did go?

Pretty damn fantastic, I bet.

I know I'd trade my few measly ten-second pees every day for a ten-minute pee every few days. Especially one that felt so good I might not need women any more.

Some braniac should look into this. It should be possible.

Back in November I wrote about how I'd been feeling like Southern Indiana had somehow grown giant hands which it was using to push me away. I wrote that it had been a good thing that I was going to Las Vegas, because there's no way I'd have been able to stay where I was. This place was actively rejecting my presence.

That was a new feeling for me. Always before, I wrote, always before I'd been pulled to faraway places. Then, after Las Vegas or Chicago or wherever had loosened its grip on me, I felt free to come home. I even felt like home welcomed me back sometimes.

Yesterday I had an idea for something to do with my four-day weekend. A road trip, but not just any old road trip. An action-packed extravaganza. Drivel Tour '07, I began calling it in my head.

The plan was simple, yet brilliant. I had four days and three nights to kill. I let a couple of cities rattle around in my head, but none seemed quite right. Not quite enough. That's when my brilliance kicked in.

I'd drive south, to Nashville, and spend Thursday night there. Then, Friday morning, I'd drive another couple of hours, and end up in Memphis. Friday night I'd visit some of the touristy areas that I'd so carefully avoided back in 1998, when I lived in Memphis. Maybe I'd even meet up with a fellow blogger and we could swap some of the stories we'd never written about. I've got a zillion of those.

Then, Saturday morning, I'd drive up to St. Louis, and I'd go to that Growler's Pub. They have good beer there. Or maybe back to Laclede's Landing, and that brewpub that I liked, Morgan Street.

Sunday morning I'd have a four-hour drive back home. Four-day weekend spent. Beer drank. Problem solved.

It was a good plan, if I do say so myself. And I do. It might have even been fun. A giant circle of a road trip. I even briefly considered calling it Circle Jerk '07.

Well, it's not going to happen.

WeirdGirl invited me to go on a trip with her and a dozen of her friends. We wouldn't leave until Friday and, since I can't make up my damn mind, the Nashville leg of Drivel Tour '07 is effectively cancelled. And without that first leg, the entire trip is shot.

I seriously doubt that I'll end up going with WeirdGirl. I can't emotionally afford to develop feelings for her, and that's probably what would happen.

Oh yeah, also my sister Dina is having a cookout on Sunday. The thought of starting that day in St. Louis, driving four hours to get home, then spending who knows how much time at my sister's house, well it's exhausting just thinking about it.

Either one of those things - either WeirdGirl's invitation or Dina's cookout - may have been enough to cancel my road trip. But neither of them were really needed.

A part of me knew all along that I wasn't really going anywhere.

What would be the point? What would I accomplish?

Not a fucking thing.

See, Southern Indiana is no longer pushing me away. I'm irrelevant to this place now. I'm not needed here, but neither am I needed to be gone from here. Like I said, irrelevant.

No faraway cities call to me. They have nothing to offer me except disappointment. Though it does seems a little strange to me, that disappointment can still exist even where there are no real hopes or expectations. I guarantee that it does still exist.

This is all pretty much the same reason that I didn't go anywhere for Easter this year. I saw no point in it. There would be no rejuvenation for me. No real relaxation. Nothing but wasted thoughts and wasted days and nights.

Well, I can do all that right here near home. And, right here near home, it's expected that it will all be a waste.