Also, if you're on fire, and someone throws gasoline on you, it doesn't really make that much difference. But if somebody spits in your face while your standing there burning, that's just adding insult to injury. Unless they spit a lot. Like enough to douse some of the flames. But you probably shouldn't get your hopes up for that happening.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I just want to get it written out before it follows all of my other thoughts into oblivion.

A wise man, my lovely self in fact, once wrote, I'd rather face one large problem, even a huge problem, than a thousand tiny nuisances.

This was the second reason I listed back in February in an attempt to explain myself to myself. I'd decided to uncork a bottle that had never really been completely sealed. There were seven reasons total.

Anyway, and this is the part where I'm afraid I'll stop making any sense whatsoever, the gist was that if I went back to allowing that one thing to once again wash over me and control my emotions the way it was wont to do - then maybe I could stop being such a fucking whiny baby about everything else.

This worked for quite a while. For over six months I was able to function more or less normally. Normally for me at least. I was able to ignore or at least blow off all of the little things that, up until February, had begun to eat away at my mood on a pretty regular basis. That one thing went back to what it did best, making my life a living hell, while everything else kind of faded into the background.

It was kind of like being on fire, and also being bitten by mosquitoes. No contest, right?

The problem was, the problem is, that I seem to have reached some sort of limit of what that one thing can do to me. I've maxed it out. No matter what I learn or hear or remember or deduce, the pain stays the same. I'd thought for a while that the pain was fading.

Wrong.

It wasn't fading at all, there was just no way it could increase. It was, is, maxed out.

So what happens then?

I'll tell you.

What happens then, what's happening right now, is that one thing has lost part of its ability to distract me from all the other bullshit. I mean, it can't get any worse, so I've become a little used to it. A little immune to it even. Meanwhile, all of those little nuisances, those mosquitoes, they're starting to make themselves felt again. And I'm starting to react. To swat at them.

For example:

I got stood up by a so-called friend several times in a row, and I lost it. I became quite angry and I didn't even wait for an explanation and I wrote a semi-scathing 'blog entry about it..

Another so-called friend became incapable of returning a call or a text message, and my feelings were hurt so badly that I deleted her number from my phone so that I'd never be tempted to contact, and then be hurt by, that person again. I actually did this twice.

Another so-called friend completely blew me off at the bar the other night, and I sulked about it for an entire weekend. This same person has also refused to link to my 'blog from her own for a very long time, and every time I go to her 'blog I'm reminded of this and it's like getting punched in the gut.

Fuck, it's gotten so bad that if I go to the bar and somebody doesn't happen to come in on that particular night, I take that as a direct reflection on me. It's about a thousand times worse if I get there and find out that one of my so-called friends has just left. I convince myself that people are avoiding me.

The thing is, none of these things are really a problem. They're just tiny little mosquitoes after all. They are nothing at all, especially when compared to that one thing that continues, unabated, to burn away at me.

I think I've lost my entire train of thought here. Basically, I'm being a baby. I'm complaining about piddly bullshit. I'm making mountains out of molehills.

I'm blaming other people for my sadness and my moodiness when the one person who should be blamed is still my lovely self, just as it's always been.

Fuck, no wonder I'm alienating everyone around me.

I'm so damn impulsive.

This morning, after receiving what must have been the 100th SPAM from The Luxor in Las Vegas telling me about their great deals for August, I finally caved and booked myself a trip.

Yay!

So I'll fly there on August 20th and return on August 25th.

This trip is all personal. There is no conference to intrude into my busy drinking and gambling and sightseeing schedule.

It will rock!

Now I get to be excited about life for a while, so fuck off, world. You can't keep a good man down forever.

More detailed information for stalkers will be posted as my plans for that week solidify.

Figured I'd clean out some of the pictures on my phone.

This was a couple of weeks ago, when we all wondered if we were going to die. It's hard to tell from the picture, but a storm had gone through and left the sky an eerie purplish-brown. I went outside to check it out. With the sunset giving some context to that color it wasn't nearly as freaky.

This is just a smoldering hot girl that was at White Castle one night. She had brown hair and glasses. I was smitten.

One night, when nobody was looking, I hung a picture from DaveFest on the wall at Rich O's. I figured that none of the bartenders would be motivated enough to take it down. It's the picture on the left, and it's of me and SassyGirl.

Saturday they had this art thingy at Rich O's. This here was done by MisunderstoodGirl.

I just took a picture of this because I thought it was stupid. Maybe that's what the artist was going for.

This statue thingy reminded me of allaboutme's profile picture.

Last night I got to Rich O's late, and I should have just stayed home.

The only good thing about last night was that I had two pints of yummy Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier (1331).

I could have stayed home and done that.

I was bored (obviously) so I took some quizzes this morning. I stole the first one from GoGo.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is passive and thoughtful.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem like a huge flirt.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Your True Love Is a Sagittarius.

Why you'll love a Sagittarius:

Deep and philosophical, you'll love getting lost in hours of conversation with your Sag.
Your Sagittarius is curious and adventurous enough to keep you interested... not an easy task!

Why a Sagittarius will love you:

You're passionate about a few important issues, a kind of depth that Sagittarius finds very attractive.
You're outgoing, flexible, and up for almost anything. You and your Sag will have tons of adventures together.

How Happy Are You?

You Are 28% Happy

You're not miserable, but you could stand to be a lot happier.

Focus on what's right in the world, and you'll be happier than you ever thought possible.

What's Your Ideal relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship Is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.

And that's marriage - with the right person.

You're serious about settling down some time soon.

Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

8:30
Pretty crowded, but I wanted to sit at the bar anyway, and there's a seat open. Some dude wants to buy an XL DaveFest shirt, but I'm out of that size. I order a Bluegrass Jefferson's Reserve Bourbon Barrel Stout (234), which is back after a brief absence.

8:41
I'm in a shitty mood already.

8:45
FutureDude tells me that he can't find any DaveFest shirts. There should be several of them left. Maybe Roger needed some rags to wash his car.

8:49
I've been on a Saltine-only diet all week. I should keep that in mind when I order beer tonight.

8:51
This one fucker thinks he's so smart, so deep. He's deep all right. He has to be to hold all that bullshit.

8:56
Meanwhile, there's been a hot girl in the red room all this time and I didn't see her until just now. I'm such a slacker.

9:04
They're having an art thing here tomorrow, and I just found out that MisunderstoodGirl will be here. Yay!

9:07
I think that if nobody tries to talk to me tonight, then I'll be able to maintain my mood at merely shitty.

9:09
Ugh. Fucking PBDs.

9:13
People keep telling me that they like this kind of entry, with the times and the mundane thoughts and shit. I don't know why they like them. Are they living their lives vicariously through me? Well, if so, then I've got bad news for them. This is no life. This is just me wondering if anything will ever happen ever again.

9:19
The PBDs at the island are leaving. Maybe I should move over there. That hot girl's blouse may accidentally fall to the floor. Or maybe she could trip and fall and accidentally impale herself on my dick.

9:20
Too late. Some strangers just took over the island.

9:26
Another BBC bourbon thingy (254).

9:28
The geeks at the right end of the bar are leaving. I'm moving over there.

9:30
I have this scenario that keeps running through my head. The perfect scenario. The only scenario that I can imagine that would allow me to move past this bullshit. Fortunately, it's no longer the least likely scenario that I can imagine. Unfortunately, it's still pretty fucking unlikely, and I don't have a backup plan.

9:34
Fucking PBDs.

9:47
People are hovering all around me again. I hate it when this happens.

9:52
I'd try. I'd really try to be strong. But I'd fail, and my eyes would give me away and reveal my weakness.

10:00
King Kong Bundy just sat at the other end of the bar.

10:03
Piss time.

10:04
Holy shit! Eric and Teri are here! We go and sit in the red room. This is very cool.

10:30
Now DooragGirl is here. Yay!

10:45
DooragGirl is avoiding me, or she's at least picking the PBDs over me. Either way, that's just fucking fantastic. Not.

10:48
Piss time.

10:49
WomanRepellant is here. He owes me money.

10:55
Time for another BBC thingy (274).

11:20
Teri thinks that I should have done what MixedSignalGirl asked me to do. I could not disagree more.

11:35
Eric and Teri are leaving.

11:36
Diet Coke time.

11:37
Hey! ActualGeorge is here!

Then I went to White Castle (and ended my Saltine diet) and then I came home.