On Wednesday, SassyGirl and TacoBell are flying to Peru.

This seems like a strange thing to do, but then again I might just be jealous.

I asked them what their plans are for while they're down there, and I was told something like, "Ride a llama, sleep on a llama, have sex on a llama, and eat a llama."

So that settles it. I'm definitely jealous.

Hasta la vista, chicas!

This chick at work has gotten into the habit of bringing me the daily Jumble puzzle to try and stump me. I don't know why.

This morning, I took a look at the first set of letters, endom, and for some reason the first word that popped into my head was monde. The second set of letters, snifi, looked like finis.

I told the chick that I didn't think both words were correct (The first one turned out to be demon.) because both were more or less foreign words. I said that she might have accidentally bought the wrong paper.

She then asked me, "Are you Catholic?"

I answered that I wasn't.

That was the end of the conversation.

Where the fuck did that come from?

Women are strange.

BamaGirl: One of the newer regulars at Rich O's. Married to BamaGuy. She used to have a terrible nickname but I changed it after I'd spoken to her a few times. Very sweet. This nickname is because of where they're from.

BigWheelGirl: One of LaptopGirl's friends. She drove us to see Screech. The nickname is because of a story that LaptopGirl told me.

Bubbles: A Rich O's regular. She just has a bubbly personality.

CanadianGirl: She used to work at my company, and she'd show up at Rich O's every now and then. She moved to Omaha. The nickname is because she's from Canada originally.

CannonGirl: Another name for TrainGirl. She used to work at this historical place with cannons.

CuteAsFuckGirl: She grew up in Washington County. She wants me. The nickname is self-explanatory.

CuteBlonde: One of the regulars at Rich O's. She's married to some guy who's name I can never remember. Another nickname that needs no explanation.

Dina: My sister.

DooRagGirl: FutureDude's girlfriend. DooRagGirl was also one of the first people I ever met at Rich O's. She was friends with my sister Neisha back in High School. She used to wear these scarves on her head all the time. She hardly ever does anymore though.

EnglishGirl: I spent several hours talking with her in Boston. Extremely nice. I should have given her my email address. She's from England.

EwokGirl: Our cubicles are next to each other. Sometimes she brings me free germs. She told me to use EwokGirl as a nickname.

ExoticGirl: A smoldering hot girl that comes into Rich O's sometimes. She's married. She's got sort of a Middle Eastern look to her, hence ExoticGirl.

FilleFransaiseSexy: One time, CanadianGirl brought some French people into Rich O's. I asked one of the French dudes how to say "hot French girl" in French, and this nickname is the result.

GlassesGirl: Another friend of Neisha's from childhood. Now she's dating MusicalHippyDude. She wants a new nickname because she doesn't wear glasses any more.

HatGirl: A smoldering hot girl that I have a bit of a crush on. She has a boyfriend named LuckyFucker. The nickname is because she likes to wear hats. Bet you didn't see that one coming, did you?

HotBartender: She worked at The Great Lost Bear in Portland Maine when I was there. The nickname is self-explanatory.

HotEuchreGirl: Just this girl that I've talked to a couple of times and that played euchre with us one night. I think she's dating LonerBoy. She's hot, and she plays euchre.

HotRedHead: GlassesGirl's friend. She's dating one of the bartenders. The only girl with red hair that I've ever found attractive. Self-explanatory.

HotRedHeadGirl: See HotRedHead.

KidneyGirl: Just this weird girl that may or may not have tried to pick me up at The Pub once. The nickname is because of the old urban legend about waking up in a tub of ice with your kidney missing.

LaptopGirl: Sigh. There's nothing I feel like writing here. The nickname is because she was typing into a laptop the first time I saw her. Great, now I'm sad.

LibertyGirl: A semi-regular at Rich O's. She has a 'blog, but she never updates it. The nickname is a bit of a play on her real name.

LibraryGirl: A friend of SassyGirl. She works at the library.

MaineGirl: A really cool chick that I spent several hours talking to in Portland last Spring.

MisunderstoodGirl: One of my good friends that I never get to see any more. She used to work at Rich O's, and she used to be SassyGirl's girlfriend. Now she never comes around at all and I miss her. I call her this because many people don't make the effort to get to know her, and so they never understand her at all.

MixedSignalGirl: Sigh. My ex-girlfriend. I really let her down I'm afraid. The nickname is because of a malfunctioning traffic light we encountered on our first date.

Neisha: My youngest sister.

OddlyFamiliarGirl: This is DooRagGirl's sister. That's why she looked familiar.

PictureGirl: I had a fling/thing with her in Las Vegas. Just cute as hell. The nickname is sort of from how we met.

PigtailGirl: I had a one night stand with her in Las Vegas. She's from Portland Maine. She had pigtails.

ProbableLesbian: This girl used to come in to Rich O's all the time, but I haven't seen her in months. A self-explanatory nickname.

RealTrainGirl: See SassyGirl.

RedHairGirl: See HotRedHead.

RedRoomGirl: Just this chick that was hot that sat in the red room one night.

RioGirl: We went swimming together, and she told me that she liked my hair when it was mussed up. She worked at The Rio in Las Vegas.

RockGirl: My kindred spirit. I've never met her in real life though - I just know her from the Internet. The nickname is because she sent me a rock.

SassyGirl: My lesbian girlfriend. She used to be TrainGirl's girlfriend, and she was MisunderstoodGirl's girlfriend for a while. One of my best friends at Rich O's. Her nickname is because of this new short hairstyle she's sporting.

SpoonsGirl: My sister Dina's friend. The nickname is from a very dark day in her life.

StupidGirl: Just this waitress in Las Vegas. She was stupid.

SunburnGirl: See MisunderstoodGirl. One night I changed everybody's nicknames, just to mix things up a little.

TacoBell: SassyGirl's new girlfriend. Works at (duh) Taco Bell. Has a very pretty smile.

TallLady: One of the regulars at Rich O's. Very nice except when she's trying to get me to smile, then she's too pushy. The nickname is because, duh, she's tall. Like over six feet I think.

TracingGirl: See VigilanteGirl. One night I changed everybody's nicknames, just to mix things up a little.

TrainGirl: She used to be SassyGirl's girlfriend. She was really nice to talk to, but she moved away so I don't get to see her any more. When I first met her, I got her and SassyGirl mixed up, so I thought she worked for the railroad. Once I found out that I'd mixed them up it was too late to swap nicknames.

VigilanteGirl: We used to flirt with each other a lot. Now, not so much. The nickname is from a story she told me when we met about chasing down some gas thieves from where she works.

WorldsHottestGirl: She used to come into Rich O's a lot, but she stopped. The nickname is self-explanatory.

ZodiacGirl: See LaptopGirl. Sigh. One night I changed everybody's nicknames, just to mix things up a little.

On Grant Line Road, in New Albany Indiana, just South of I-265, there is a Burger King. Just like uncountable Burger Kings scattered all over creation. You either like the food, or you don't. You either like the convenience, or you feel that it's too high a price to pay for what places like that do to local mom and pop restaurants. You certainly don't go there for the atmosphere and the ambience.

At least most people don't go there for those things.

I'm not like most people. And, to me, that Burger King on Grant Line Road is not like most Burger Kings.

To me, that place is haunted.

Not haunted the way Rich O's is, with memories of better times, and a sparkling presence that sits beside me when I feel alone, and a million reminders of what was, and a million more reminders of what might have been.

Nope, not like that at all. That Burger King is haunted by me.

For that Burger King, on Grant Line Road, in New Albany Indiana, just South of I-265, in the third parking spot on the right when you pull in, that's where I died. That's where pieces of my shattered heart fell onto the pavement on that night back in October 2004. That's where my long scream began. That's where the echoes of that scream are the loudest.

When I go there, I always park in that same spot if it's available. It usually is. Like it's waiting for me.

I remember, back in Junior High, walking through the field at Gettysburg during a field trip, and imagining all of those that had perished there. Trying to pick up any sensations from souls that might still linger around that blood-soaked ground.

I wasn't able, back then, to feel anything out of the ordinary. Maybe that's because it just didn't seem real to me, and I had no connection to those poor soldiers, and it had all happened so long ago. Or maybe there was truly nothing there to feel. Maybe it's all a bunch of mumbo jumbo.

Maybe this is simply my imagination, yet another manifestation of my unwillingness to let all this go. Maybe this is just another symptom of my insanity.

But whatever. When I pull into that parking spot, I feel something there. Something that carries me back to that night and forces me to relive it.

I don't struggle, when my ghost bullies me like that. It's actually kind of nice, in a weird way.

Last night, the Daytonians invaded Rich O's.

They do this every year I guess for Gravity Head. This year, Roger sat aside the new front room for their use. Whether to give them special treatment, or to keep them away from the rest of us, I don't know. Whatever the reasoning, it seemed to be an idea that fell flat on its face.

The Daytonians crowded into Rich's proper and did what they do best - stand around and talk as loudly as they can.

Hell, the two or three times I went and looked into the new front area it was mostly just local PBDs in there.

Anyway, the place was packed, but my new best friends in the world MusicalHippyDude and GlassesGirl had semi-saved me a seat at the island, so yay! I sat my ass down and ordered my first beer:

t Smisje Kerst (10)

(draft) Looked like coffee with cream, I guess because the keg had been jiggled. Flavor was pretty good. Lots of berries and fruits. A fairly strong alcohol bite at the finish.

I was hesitant to even rate this beer because it was so obviously not the same beer that I'd seen people drinking Friday night. But I asked GlassesGirl to take a sip and compare it to what she remembered from Friday. She said that it actually tasted better, so I went ahead and finished my glass and did the rating.

If anyone cares, my surprisaphobia was in full swing last night.

I pretty much just sat and drank and glared at the crowd and kept an eye on the entrance. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, and after a while talking would have been impossible over the noise from the crowd. My second beer was another new one for me:

Great Divide Hibernation Ale (10)

(draft) This beer was simply hard to drink. Part of the problem was that it really clashed with the beer I'd just finished, but most of the problem was that it tasted like cranberry juice. It did get better towards the end of the glass.

I think that beer put me into a bad mood. I'd really been looking forward to it, and I was disappointed.

My last beer was one that's always highly-touted, but it was new to me:

EKU 28 (10)

(draft) Had a strange flavor that I've never been able to accurately describe in this type of beer. Very thick, almost syrupy mouthfeel. The alcohol was quite evident.

Kind of strange, but a Dopplebock beat out two Belgian style beers and ended up being my favorite of the night. What's the world coming too?

The night ended up being a bit of a bust, so once I left Rich O's I had this idea of going and trying to find VigilanteGirl. I have no idea why. I didn't find her, and that urge is thankfully gone from me now. But while I was at the little bar near my house I had myself a Newcastle (1836), and it was quite yummy.

warm

soft

moist

soft

wet

slick

hot

soft

I managed to become annoyed a couple of times last night.

Shocking, isn't it?

The second time I became annoyed, I was annoyed with myself. I was having this conversation, and a strange sensation washed over me. It was like I was standing off to the side, listening to myself babble on and on and on and on and on...

It wasn't so much the babbling that annoyed me. I'm used to that. I'm doing it right now actually, albeit in written form.

Nope, it wasn't the babbling, it was the topic.

I have no idea what mental defect caused me to do it, but I found myself babbling at length about you know who and how much it had hurt when she'd left, and how much it still hurt, and how confusing the whole thing was, and blah blah blah blah blah.

My conversation partner at the time did a very good job of staying awake and feigning interest, I'll give her credit for that.

I guess, like most people, I just have a need to be understood. People chat with me a few times, or they talk with their friends and compare notes about me, and they get the wrong ideas. Ideas like I'm some great guy that's got all his shit together.

I hate that. Even though I'm flattered, I still hate it because it's just so wrong. I'd rather people know the truth about me. That way I don't have to worry about disappointing them later, when they finally see my true nature.

The first time I became annoyed was during another conversation.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on Earth with any moral values at all. I mean, I know that's not really the case, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

Why is it that, for some people in my little circle of friends and acquaintances, why is it that the fact that a girl is involved in a relationship with someone else is dismissed as irrelevant? And even if that fact is recognized as a problem, it's seen as a very minor obstacle, an inconvenience, a bump in the road.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Sometimes people see my refusal to pursue a girl with a boyfriend/husband as fear. They tell me that I'm just using it as an excuse to keep from being hurt.

Why can't people just accept the fact, the simple fact that I don't want to be the other guy in someone's life. I want to be the the guy. No sneaking around. No guilt. No getting murdered in my sleep once the boyfriend/husband finds out.

This guy told me last night that if I liked this one girl, and if I thought that there was a chance that she liked me, that I should just go for it. That I was getting too old to be so afraid. He gave me that old nothing ventured, nothing gained crap.

He completely dismissed the very relevant fact that the girl in question has a boyfriend. That fact didn't matter to him, and he couldn't understand why it mattered to me.

I think this is one of those things that, if I have to fucking explain it to someone, then they'll never understand anyway.

So why do I even bother trying to explain?

Because I don't really like being called a coward, that's why.

I wonder, if I hadn't been cheated on so many times in the past, would I still feel so strongly about this? Or would I be like my guy friends, trying to get into the pants of every woman I saw?

Is this moral rule I take so seriously really nothing more than yet another defense mechanism?

I don't think so. And even if it is, I don't care. It's still the right way to act, no matter what the underlying reasons are.

So last night was the beginning of the Gravity Head festival at Rich O's. This is the biggest, and oldest, and most crowded festival of the three that they have every year.

This year there'll be four because of DaveFest.

Anyway, I spent some time yesterday feeling a little bit torn as to whether I'd go or not. There were two things that helped sway my decision. First, They've got this new seating area out front and all of the PBDs were supposed to use that area, hopefully lessening the crowd for us civilians. Second, NABC was unveiling a new beer and I definitely wanted to try it before it ran out.

So I got there a little before 9:00. It was pretty crowded, but not as bad as I'd feared. SassyGirl was sitting on the throne, and UplandWheatDude was at the kiddie table, and SassyBoy was in the new loveseat. I took the other kiddie table seat and ordered my first beer.

New Albanian Thunderfoot (10)

(draft) As with all Imperial Stouts, this one took a few sips before my palate was numbed enough to appreciate it. A little more subdued than I was expecting, absolutely drinkable. The alcohol was masked very well.

For various reasons, whenever I talk to UplandWheatDude, the subject of LaptopGirl always comes up right away, and last night was no different. It didn't bother me though. I think he understands the situation better than most because he was witness to it in the beginning.

After a while, some assholes left the island so we moved up there.

Our conversation turned to a more recent subject. It was kind of funny I suppose. UplandWheatDude asked me what had ever happened between "that one girl" and me. I assumed he was asking about MixedSignalGirl, so I told him about her going back to her ex and how she'd just became tired of waiting for me to get over LaptopGirl and all that. At one point he said something about how young she was, and I said that she's 35. He freaked out and kept saying that he just couldn't believe she was that old - that he'd have guessed middle to late 20s for her age.

I had my second beer:

Dark Horse Sapient Trip Ale (10)

(draft) Absolutely nothing special about this beer except that it's an Abbey Tripel, so it's special by default. Very good, but not great.

After a few minutes a light bulb went off in my head, and I asked UplandWheatDude to describe who he thought we'd just been talking about.

He was talking about a completely different girl!

Duh.

So I had to update him on that situation, and that's an update that I'm not going to be typing up here for the world to see. Sorry.

My third beer was an NABC Bob's Old 15B (80). I hadn't had one of these in a long time. It was pretty watery after the two strong beers I'd just had.

We were joined, sort of, by GlassesGirl and HotRedHead. GlassesGirl wants a new nickname, because she doesn't wear glasses any more. If I think of a good one for her I'll use it, but for now it will remain unchanged.

My last beer was another Gravity Head offering:

Great Divide Oak Aged Yeti Imperial Stout (10)

(draft) I've never been a big fan of oak aged brews, but the oak undertones of this are subtle enough that they're hardly noticeable. Just enough chocolate and coffee flavor to almost mask the alcohol burn, but not quite. Pretty good.

At one point UplandWheatDude pulled a disappearing act. I stuck around and talked with the girls for a while. I had a Diet Coke and came home a little after midnight.

So, the night wasn't too bad. Much better than I'd been expecting. There were no big surprises. The crowd wasn't unbearable. I wish I could have talked to SassyGirl more.

Tonight is the night that the Daytonians invade. They've been given the new front area for the night, but I bet the whole place will be very crowded. We'll see.

This is a boring entry.