na-ive
adj.
1.
a. Simple and guileless; artless.
b. Unsuspecting or credulous.

per-fec-tion-ism
n.
1. A propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards.

re-al-is-tic
adj.
1. Tending to or expressing an awareness of things as they really are.

bit-ter
adj.
1. Marked by resentment or cynicism.

des-per-ate
adj.
1. having lost all hope; despairing.
2. Marked by, arising from, or showing despair.
3. Reckless or violent because of despair.
4. Undertaken out of extreme urgency or as a last resort.
5. Nearly hopelessl critical.
6. Suffering or driven by great need or distress.
7. Extremely intense.

Set-tle (for)
v.
1. To accept in spite of incomplete satisfaction.

The words listed above are a timeline of a typical woman's romantic imperatives. This list was verified by a lesbian so it must be correct.

The women my own age are divided between the desperation and settling stages, and neither sounds very appealing.

Moving to progressively younger women I pause briefly at the desperate ones, though most of those are already in a doomed relationship, though they don't know it yet.

Next we find the bitter group.

No thanks.

Finally we come the good ones - the realistic ones.

These are the women that have gotten over their innocent theories about life and romance and have also successfully made it through their search for ThePerfectMan.

The realistic ones are the smallest group. They are also the most sought-after.

This sucks for me, but at least I know it.

I'm in a realistic phase myself.

Friday started out as a waste of time.

I wanted to appear less creepy to LaptopGirl - especially afer last night's ramblings - so I decided to spend at least the first half of the night at Hooter's drinking Newcastle with my cousin Jeff.

There were several things wrong with that plan.

First, Jeff wasn't even at Hooter's. He was at home apparently having a fight with his weedeater.

Second, Hooter's was out of Newcastle.

This pissed me off. The only place in the area where I can get Newcastle on tap and they were out. I ended up having a glass of water with my cold french fries and burnt burger and left pretty disgusted with the whole place.

So instead of getting to Rich O's fashionalbly late I got there a little after 8:00. Again.

Getting there that early in the night presents some challenges. I cannot drink my normal allotment of a couple of strong beers and a few weaker ones. I have to pace myself.

Tonight I chose to drink only strong beers, but to sip them and make them last.

Anyway, when I first arrived Rich O's was dead. I saw ExBartender, but didn't really talk to him. I sat at the island with DooRagGirl's husband for a while and had a couple Great Lakes 15th Anniversary Ales.

Yummy.

Oh yeah, I hadn't been there 10 minutes when LaptopGirl called to tell me that she'd be there at 10:30. This was significant because it meant that I could not allow myself to leave no matter how boring it was.

Once DooRagGirl's husband left I moved to the living room area where I was joined by a couple I didn't know. ProbableLesbian and CluelessSuitor turned out to be pretty good people. ProbableLesbian in particular seemed very nice, and she also helped to pass the time while all the whippersnappers talked about transformers and other things I'm too old to remember.

At one point I had a Fischer's Amber Ale. This was the only French item on Rich O's bottled list. I ordered it because I thought it might be similar to the frenchy beer from the Two Brothers Brewery I'd enjoyed so much in the Spring. Well this wasn't anything like the Two Brothers ale but it was still quite delicious. Had I known then what I know now I would have been drinking this all along.

At around 10:00, a half-hour before LaptopGirl was scheduled to arrive, one of her ex-boyfriends joined us in the living room area. I was a little concerned because I couldn't remember if I was supposed to be mad at him or not. As it turned out everything was fine.

LaptopGirl arrived and was very cute and, because of ExBoyfriend's presence, I became invisible. This was okay, though, because ProbableLesbian and I were able to pass the time by talking about how old the rest of the group made us feel.

MisunderstoodGirl joined us after a while, further lowering the average age of the group.

Wow.

All of a sudden I'm very conscious of the fact that I'm rambling. I need to stop now.

But wait!

On the way home I was quite surprised to see VigilanteGirl still working. I talked with her for a few minutes - being careful to not freak her out again. Once I was satisifed that she was no longer scared of me I was able to go home.