Sunday, January 31, 2010
posted by dave at 10:30 PM in category pictures, quickies
Well, that was certainly a stupid thing to do.
oh well...
Now I guess I'll go back to glaring for the usual reason. Not sure my heart's in it, though. Luckily, I can glare for this on autopilot. Years of practice...
My fun night
Waiting and hoping, but not expecting.
"Let there be light," I said. "Not so fast," the universe replied.
A long hot shower was such a treat this morning. One of life's great simple pleasures. The shower in my hotel involved all the heat and water-pressure of a foggy night, so I'm especially glad to be home now.
I came home. I'm not sure why.
I'm on the plane, about to head home, via Detroit.
I'm back in Kent. Still so fucking surreal to be in Kent. And I got the same hotel room I had a month ago. I don't know what that means.
There's a part of me that's actually going to miss this place. It's a teeny tiny itty bitty part, but it's a part nevertheless.
One of many
It's so surreal to be emailing HatGirl and realize that we're not talking about me coming home weeks from now; we're talking about two days from now.
At least now I know the reason. Because fuck me, that's why.
Now they're saying they'll have balloons for my going-away thingy tomorrow night. I should stay away. That would teach them.
Oh well
I'm kinda annoyed that I didn't make it down South as often as I'd hoped. I'll be there Friday evening and night, though. I'll try to meet up with my friend Gene for a beer or three.
It's freaking cold here this morning. That is all.
Bribing God
As I go to bed tonight, I don't care about her. I would give anything to not care tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
I'm in a weird mood.
My windows are encrusted. And my stupid blackberry never heard of the word encrusted.
My life needs more cowbell...
The Russian mafia dudes are here now. I'd better lay low.
So there.
Now some old fat woman is hitting on me. My ring's whore-repellant qualities don't seem to be working.
So there.
Last room on the left
What these people keep forgetting is that it's fucking football.
I wonder if this bartender is a terrorist. He looks suspicious.
Alcohol is supposed to be a depressant. So then why do so many people get LOUD and obnoxious when they've been drinking?
"Hey, why not go back to the bar and have another beer?" I asked. "Why, that's absolutely brilliant!" I replied.
Hey, what was that? Could it have been...? Yes, I think it was! An actual epiphany! Is there nothing that beer can't do?
Some taps
Red Hook Mud Slinger
(draft) Clear bronze. The head faded away before I could look at it. Light aroma of caramel and hops. Thin mouthfeel. Flavor better than I was expecting. Light, but good.
Whistler Black Tusk Ale
(draft) Clear dark brown with a large white head. Very nice lacing. Aroma of roasted malts and coffee. Medium mouthfeel. Flavor more watery than I was expecting. Decent.
It seems less pathetic to glare at my phone in this bar than in my hotel room. It's probably a tie, though.
The other way
Trying something
I think it would be nice to live happily ever after. It's certainly better than my current plan, which is to be miserable until I finally die.
If we were talking, I'd tell her that I like the bangs.
I don't want to do this anymore.
This drunk asshole is LOUD.
This drunk asshole is LOUD.
We should probably stop trying to be friends.
Got a new phone. I think it's working. I'm using it to send this.
Here I am!
Ripped out, set on fire, stomped on, to put the fire out, set on fire again, spit on to put the fire out, then set on fire again and left to turn to ashes.
Now these people want to have a party for me on my last night here.
This is the longest day in the history of days. If the next 12 days drag on like this, I'll be dead of old age by the time I'm home.
Trying to find the good, but it's buried under all this crap.
Sitting in my car, before work, glaring at my phone. This is always one of the best parts of my day.
Weather report
Horizontal rain again this morning.
It should arrive tomorrow! I'm excited!
I'm not going to miss much about Bellingham, but I will definitely miss Alaskan Smoked Porter.
I'm not sure it really counts as "experiencing life" when I'm doing most of it alone.
There seems to be a new rule in effect for the last two days. I order a beer, and the phone rings about some work problem.
...13 days left!!!
Some boats
Birdsview Pail Ale
(draft) Clear dark yellow. Nice head and lacing. Sharp aroma of rye and malts. Flavor fairly tame, without the rye weirdness that I was expecting. Good, though.
A nice find
Birdsview Hefeweizen
(draft) Hazy light brown. Small white head. No detectable aroma. Mouthfeel surprisingly fizzy. Flavor of spices and wheat. Pretty damn good.
Birdsview Amber Lushus
(draft) Clear dark yellow. Huge white head. Syrupy mouthfeel. Aroma of light hops and maple. Flavor not too bad, not too good. Decent.
Birdsview It's Da Porter
(draft) Black with nice brown head and incredible lacing. Fantastic aroma of males and coffee and chocolate. Medium mouthfeel. Flavor very good, mostly with a sharp malt bite. Wow.
Birdsview Cardiack Arrest
(draft) Hazy brown. Huge white head and good lacing. Light aroma of spices and hops and malts. Creamy mouthfeel. Flavor hard to describe. Sweet with a slightly bitter finish. Damn good.
Birdsview Sweet Brown Molly
(draft) Clear brown. Nice beige head with great lacing. Aroma and flavor of malt and molasses. Really good. Yummy, in fact.
Ptui! Ptui!
I'm so mad right now I could spit. I think I will!
All those questions, all that bullshit, and he ordered a fucking Bud Light. I hate people.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
posted by dave at 3:34 PM in category general

Everybody up here looks like somebody. It's the weirdest thing.

It's not like when I go to most cities, and everyone looks familiar, like I might have seen them before. It's also not like the last time I was in Las Vegas, when every girl I saw reminded me of either LaptopGirl or Hatgirl. Nope, up here in Bellingham, everybody looks like a specific person that I know.

All hyperbole aside, it's a phenomenon that's happening often enough that it freaks me out a little.

Up here, I've had a beer with a girl who looked so much like SassyGirl that I almost gave her a hug when she sat next to me. I've gotten my hairs cut by a girl I dated in high school. I've seen MusicalYuppieDude lose badly at poker. I've seen CrazyGirl get shitfaced enough to make moves on TallLady. I've seen my sister Dina having dinner at Olive Garden. I go to a gas station in the mornings and buy a Diet Pepsi from the fucking dipshit, of all people.

And, of course, I've seen HatGirl and LaptopGirl about twenty times each.

I could go on and on. There have probably been fifty instances of these things.

Sometimes, it's felt like I wasn't gone at all.

Friday, January 15, 2010
posted by dave at 2:08 PM in category pictures, quickies
My umbrella gets turned inside-out every time I go outside. The wind is ridiculous. But it's still warm. The air temperature must be 100 degrees for it to still feel warm when it's this windy.
Bad hair day
Horizontal rain, because of the sustained 40 mph winds. At least it's not cold.
Sometimes I wish I had a job where I could sport a bright red mohawk.
What the fuck ever
I'm so sick and tired of these stupid games.
Still looking for the magic words.
Good question
"Why didn't you just leave at once, instead of tearing me up bit by bit like this?" - Pyoter
They keep giving me the gay straw.
Did I ever tell you people about the time I met Aretha Franklin?
I want a new car. My newest one is a 1995 model. But I guess I should get a permanent job first.
If patience is a virtue, then I must be the one of the most virtuous guys who ever lived. Yay for me!
Now I'm stuffed, but still going to try to cram a couple beers down there.
There's an Asian buffet right up the road!
Now I've gone and done it...
It's about damn time!
Not worth the risk...Not worth the risk... Not worth the risk...
Me being weird
I just told this chick that she looks almost exactly like NotHideousGirl. I even showed her a picture. She wasn't as thrilled as she should have been.
New retirement plan?
This dude told me I sound just like Carl Rove. I wonder if I can make any money from this phenomenon.
55 down, only 19 to go!
Tonight, at this Green Frog place, I've been talking to two chicks who remind me of SassyGirl and LaptopGirl. The former looks like SassyGirl, and the latter has the same name as LaptopGirl.
Elliott Bay Gulden Von Boorian
(draft) Hazy Gold. Nice white head. Mouthfeel almost creamy. Light aroma and flavor of apples and pears. There's a weird funky finish that I could definitely do without. Decent is all I can say.
Now I'm at this Green Frog place. It's weird. There's a jug band. But they have Ommegang Chocolate Indulgence on tap.
Oh goody
The world's loudest people just sat next to me.
I just need to accept the fact that we're no longer close. It fell apart so quickly, though. I'm totally in denial.
Lake Padden
I forgot to ask what year...
I win!
Are fair-weather friends really friends at all?
My friend Gene is still alive! That's nice of him.
Now I'm at the Yummi casino. All of the back roads seem to lead to this place.
Finally got my hairs cut. It had been over two months. I feel and look more like myself now. I'm not sure the latter is a good thing.
Instead of just glaring, I've been giving my phone the finger all night.
So much, so much more than I want this to begin, I want this to end. What does that mean? I don't know.
This one gay dude has been playing excellent 70s and 80s music on the jukebox all night long. "Don't Fear the Reaper" is playing right now.
Trying to wrap my brain around a thought with very sharp edges...
The thing is, I know exactly why this is happening to her. What I don't know is why it's happening to me.
I just asked my phone, it told me that it's 12 degrees back home. It's 45 and drizzling here.
The ice is so thin. There's no way it will hold for long. I should get off the ice, before it breaks, and I drown.
Spending a quiet night at "home" with pizza and Alaskan Smoked Porter.
It's always so amazing how quickly things disintegrate. And how often, but that's a different story.
Small world
Sitting at a little bar in Bellingham Washington, talking to a guy who graduated from the same high school as me, 2000 miles away, just two years before I graduated. And he's not the most unlikely guy I've met tonight. that award goes to Ryan Stiles.
Why is this girl a bartender? She should be a movie star.
Tried to install Crysis on my laptop. The framerate is so slow that it's unplayable. Now who am I supposed to kill?
I'm feeling oddly detached today. But in a good way, I guess.
I'm in a bar at O'hare. I'm bored. My flight doesn't leave for an hour.
Thinking, uh-oh
I'm thinking that I need to be lied to again. It was better when I was lied to.
Decisions, decisions...
Awake at midnight. Should I try to go back to sleep for two hours or just stay up?
This couple next to me is drinking Michelob Ultra, and bemoaning the taste of their Blue Moon samples.
So funny I forgot to laugh
Well, thought it would be funny to cancel my reservation. And there are no other seats available today. So now I'm trying to get a flight leaving Monday morning.
Mission accomplished
There was absolutely no reason to tell me that, except to hurt me.
In good hands
Okay, Mr. Jack and Mr. Shit, you two are in charge of getting me ready for my trip. Don't let me down. I'm counting on you.
Can't sleep. Can't change my flights. Can't do much, it seems.
I should just leave on Saturday. Staying until Sunday will be a waste of time.
I had one resolution for this year. It lasted until 8:19. Oops.
I need a haircut
So far...
...this year sucks.
I really wanted to watch her dance today.
Happy new year...
...and stuff!
Monday, January 11, 2010
posted by dave at 12:39 PM in category general
Testing blackberry application... Also testing Opera Mini...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
posted by dave at 11:21 PM in category comics

next time he should ask a harder question

Monday, January 4, 2010
posted by dave at 2:45 AM in category ramblings

I got some sleep. About four hours before my phone woo-hooed me awake. And then work called with some minor crisis. Better than no sleep, which is what I got Saturday night. I was so sad Saturday night. I made quite a spectacle of myself, I'm sure. Saying my goodbyes to everyone and everything that matters to me. Clinging to HatGirl and LaptopGirl as if my life depended on being with them. Which it does.

See, when I left for Washington in November, I suspected that it would be tough. But Saturday night, as I prepared to return for another month, I knew what it meant. There was no doubt. No hope.

But then there was a screw-up, and I didn't have to leave Sunday morning after all. I got myself an extra day. Not that I did much with it. Sat around dreading the feeling of isolation that was waiting for me in Bellingham, as far away from here as you can get, and still be in the continental U.S.

I leave for the airport in an hour and a half. Then ninety minutes to Chicago, then four hours to Seattle, then two hours driving to Bellingham. Each minute and each mile it will get worse and worse.

People try to help. They really do, and I really appreciate it, sometimes. They tell me to use my trip as an opportunity. To get better. To realize that I can, once again, enjoy my own company. But they don't understand. I don't want help. I need to miss them. I need to have a reason to come back, to get up in the mornings, to keep breathing.

People don't want me to be sad anymore. I don't know if it's so they'll feel more comfortable around me, or because of guilt, or out of genuine concern. It's probably a combination of those things. But they don't understand. It's not about the sadness. It's about the love. The sadness is a side-effect, thrust upon me by these circumstances. But it's not what's important. It's not what I cling to.

To get rid of the sadness, I'd have to get rid of the love. And that can't be done. Not by me. Every time I've tried, it's felt like I was putting a gun to my head, about to pull the trigger. This is so much a part of me, and has been for so long, that to end it would be to end everything that matters to me. It would be suicide.

Now, I fully support a person's right to end their own life on their own terms, but it's not for me. So I can't. I won't. Instead, I'll suffer. It's what I do. It's all I can do, for now. For the next month.

After that, who knows?

Friday, January 1, 2010
posted by dave at 1:41 AM in category ramblings

You know what's funny? Or maybe not funny, but I call it funny because it keeps my wrists intact and my brains inside my skull?

It's always the same thing. Every year on this date, I try to do one thing and I end up doing another. I try to reflect on the year's events, and I end up having a séance of sorts.

Well, except for last year. But last year was special.

Tonight, I spent midnight alone. After last year, I really and truly thought that I would never be alone again on New Year's Eve. But, I was.

Oh, well, right?

This year, instead of the usual fifteen minutes, I was outside for an hour and a half. Well, it was an eventful year, you might think.


Not about 2009 being eventful, but about that having anything at all to do with my being outside for seventy-five minutes longer than usual.

What went wrong? What went right? What progress was made? What setbacks were encountered?

How can I do better, in 2010? How can I be worthy, in 2010?

Hi! How are you? I miss you.

The year 2009 saw lots of things. But they're all irrelevant. All except for one thing. One person.

I didn't want to have a séance this year. But, I expected it to happen.

And, it did.

Funny, right?

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

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