When I left my house today, when I was driving to the mall, there was a red car coming the other way.

I think that the girl driving the red car waved at me, but it happened too quickly for me to be sure.

I think it might have been VigilanteGirl!

That would be cool. It would be even more cool if I'd get to talk to her again. I miss her.

Okay, fucking fine.

Today was kind of a weird day for me. Weird in a way that I'm not really sure I can describe. Or that I should describe.

The thing is, I'm thinking that I should probably be more sad than I am. Meanwhile, I should also be more happy than I am. Since I'm neither happy nor sad, despite various conspiracies, I'll just call it a weird day.

First, I went shopping again. Bought some work clothes.

I know, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Then I went over to The Pub and talked with BikerGirl for a bit while I had a Newcastle (4232). That was about the time when I figured that I'd managed to alienate both HatGirl and NotHideousGirl in the same week. This should have bothered me, but it didn't. At least, not as much as I'd have thought.

Then I called MixedSignalGirl.

I know, I'm not supposed to do that anymore. But I had a good reason, and I'm pretty sure that she'd agree that I had a good reason.

You know that bullshit saying about If you love something let it go blah blah blah? Well I'm testing that saying, and it sucks. Big giant green ones.

Then I came home and took a nap. I dreamed about my ex-wife. That always pisses me off. There are a gazillion people more worthy of my dreams than her. Oh well.

Then I went to Rich O's. I had a couple glasses of Fastenbier (132) and talked with some of the guys I know.

The place was a total sausage-fest tonight. Even more than usual.

Plus, I kinda got the feeling that FutureDude was irritated with me. I may have violated one of my prime directives: Never piss off a bartender.

Anyway.

I got tired of the sausage-fest, so I went over to Louisville. I figured that I'd just chill out at The Pub or at Hard Rock for a while, let today sink into me a bit.

No such luck.

Hard Rock was fucking closed.

The Pub was fucking closing as I walked up to the doors.

So I walked down to the Red Star, and they were still open, and the cutie bartender agreed to serve me a beer.

Yay!

So I had a heterosexual* Blue Moon (469) as is my custom in that place.

When I got up to leave the Red Star, I glanced over at one of the tables, and I saw a pretty brunette who kinda look familiar. I didn't think much of it though, until I got outside.

Once I got outside, I turned around, and there she was.

BadPickleGirl!

Yay!

So we went back inside and talked about various crap for a few minutes. It was good to see her.

Then I came home. I'd been thinking about going over to this Third Street Dive place, but by that time I'd had enough excitement.

* - without the ubiquitous fruit wedge

Anyway, today I went shopping at the mall for a while. My tax refund had finally come in, so I had to buy something or risk going more insane. I kept my spending somewhat in-check, so that was good. Some of this money is supposed to go towards my Las Vegas trip in June.

When I left the mall, it was snowing like a mother fucker. In April. Pretty damn weird.

I went to Hooters and had a couple Newcastles (4212) and a quesadilla. All were yummy. The bartender said that she liked my Pink Floyd shirt, and I returned the compliment for her skimpy Hooters top. Then I stopped by Rich O's and had a Mad Bitch (284). It was also quite good.

After a quick nap, I went back to Rich O's at 9:00 or so. It was really packed, and I stood around for a half-hour or so drinking a Fastenbier (77). It was pretty boring, but then three really great things happened.

First, TeamHotness came in. Second, some old people left the kiddie table. Third, some weirdoes left the bar.

So I sat at the kiddie table and TeamHotness sat at the end of the bar and I got to talk to them for a couple of hours.

There may have been other people at Rich O's, and in fact I'm pretty sure that there were other people there, but I didn't care because TeamHotness had my undivided attention.

Oh yeah, I had another Fastenbier at some point (94).

In case I've never explained this before, TeamHotness consists of two girls. I've never seen either of them without the other. One I call ImprobablyHotMarriedGirl and the other I call UnbearablyHotSingleGirl. I think I've used other, less descriptive, nicknames in the past, but I'm not sure. It doesn't matter anyway. They are TeamHotness, and I'm totally smitten with them.

Also, I've been trying to get some people to play 20 Questions with me. To guess what I bought at the mall. RockGirl isn't playing right, and I doubt she'll ever get it. StalkerGirl didn't respond to me until late. But NotHideousGirl played along via text-messaging and guessed correctly in thirteen questions.

Once TeamHotness left, it got boring really quickly. I ordered another Fastenbier, but I only drank a little bit of it (98). Then I talked to this one PBD about various crap. Some of the crap we talked about was LaptopGirl, and I got sad for a while, but I got over it quickly enough I suppose.

Near the end of the night I had an unexpectedly powerful urge to make out with NotHideousGirl. But I didn't. Partly because she wasn't there, but mostly for other reasons beyond my control. Such as, apparently, my hair color. So instead I just came home and petted my cats.

Not the same thing at all.

It was still a good night, though.

Observant readers may have noticed that I haven't mentioned my Easter weekend trip for a while. JS readers may have noticed that I took down my poll.

Well, here's the deal. I'm not going anywhere.

I have several excuses for staying home. A couple of them might even seem halfway reasonable, to some people. But to me, to me they add up to nothing but a thin coat of paint, trying to cover up the ugly fact that I've given up.

So tonight was virtual Friday for me. I'm off work tomorrow. Along with, apparently, every other person on Earth. Because every person on Earth was at Rich O's tonight. Except for about three people who I'd really liked to have seen. But, oh well.

Tonight featured two highlights for me. First, and I'm only mentioning this to justify the title of this entry, I had two yummy glasses of Aecht Schlenkerla Fastenbier (60).

Second, and this is the really cool part, I got to talk to a really cute girl for a few hours. She was there with SassyBoy, and she was nice, and cute, and young. Plus, she thought I was 25-years-old.

For some reason, partly because she asked but mainly because I'm stupid, I told her how old I am. The look on her face was priceless. Probably the same look I'd have gotten if I'd clawed my way out of a grave right in front of her. Except there was slightly less screaming in terror.

And now I'm completely smitten with this girl. This is a good thing, as long as I never see her again. I mean, it's pretty damn cool to be distracted from everyone and everything else for a few hours. That's what she did. She distracted me.

Oh, wait. She didn't quite distract me from thinking about one certain person, but c'mon, only HatGirl can do that.

That's right, a rare Wednesday Beer Report. Mainly because I had a couple of new beers and I've been slacking off on describing new beers lately.

Anyway.

For lunch, I had a yummy Newcastle (2180) at The Pub. NotHideousGirl was a no-show today, but that was okay. I talked to this BikerGirl bartender. She's nice. And smoldering hot. And about twenty years too young for me. I found out what the Japanese characters on her tattoo mean. I'd been hoping for, I secretly lust after Dave, but alas, they mean something totally different.

At least, she says they mean something totally different.

After work I went to Rich O's to see what new beers Gravity Head had in store for me. I saw a couple of beers that looked interesting, and chose my first one via a mental coin flip.

Clipper City Heavy Seas Holy Sheet (10)

(draft) Dark clear copper. Good head. Smelled like a barleywine, and pretty much tasted like one too. That weird flavor of beets or prunes or whatever it is - I don't like it. This beer did grow on me a little as the glass got more empty, but I still can't really say that I liked it.

When I was about halfway finished with that beer, BadPickleGirl's hot cousin came in. So that was cool. She was dressed all sparkly, especially this one scarf thingy that I'm sure my cats would love to get their paws on.

HotGirlsHotCousin casually mentioned that her cousin was coming in. So I had a little anxiety attack which wasn't allowed to develop into a full-fledged panic attack because, when her "cousin" came in, it wasn't BadPickleGirl at all. Nope, it was some other cousin who I remember meeting briefly a couple of months ago.

My next, and last beer, was another new one for me.

Aecht Schlenkerla Fastenbier (20)

(draft) Cloudy dark brown. Medium head. Delicious smoke aroma. Flavor was pretty good. Much more subdued than other Schlenkerla offerings. Maybe a little bacony, but this was surprisingly good.

By the time I'd finished this beer, I found that I was starting to ramble a little. So, instead of rambling out loud to the people at Rich O's, I came home and sent off a rambling email to BadPickleGirl.

So I've been having lunch with NotHideousGirl a lot lately. Three or four times a week, I'll go to The Pub and she'll come and join me. It's almost never planned more than 10 minutes ahead of time. It's always perfectly innocent and platonic.

But people wonder, and then people assume.

WeirdGirl, for example, became convinced that I'd ended things with her because I was seeing NotHideousGirl. I'm pretty sure that I've managed to convince her of the truth.

One bartender, a couple of weeks ago, said to me in an awed whisper, "Dude, you're girlfriend is smoking hot!"

The correct response, of course, would have been, "She's not my girlfriend," or something like that. But that's not what I said. What I said was, "Yes, she certainly is."

See, I like the idea of random strangers thinking that I have a smoking hot girlfriend. That I'm capable of having any girlfriend at all. It's social validation of a sort. Deceptive, certainly, but there have been far worse deceptions over the years.

This deception was harmless. And kinda fun.

But it ran its course fairly quickly. The simple fact that NotHideousGirl and I don't act like girlfriend and boyfriend - there's been very little public slaking between us - that simple fact stopped a lot of the assumptions. Okay, fine, there's been no slaking. Add to that the fact that most people are not blind, and that NotHideousGirl especially is clearly not blind, even more doubters are born.

So most people, by now, are no longer wondering about the two of us. Most people now know the truth. That we are just friends.

Most people, but not all. There are still some people who think we're together together.

So NotHideousGirl and I have briefly discussed ways to convince these stragglers that we're not a couple. Convincing them that we were never a couple, that's probably too much to ask for when it comes to these stubborn people.

But a break-up, a break-up we could do.

And it could be awesome.

So we talked about staging a big break-up fight. Right there at The Pub in the middle of lunch hour, where everybody could see. And everybody could make judgments, and place bets, and gossip among themselves.

"I knew they wouldn't last. She's way out of his league."

"Look at him! He's old enough to be her father!"

"It's about time. I mean, he says he likes nerdy girls, but that's just ridiculous."

But this couldn't be just any old fight. Nope, it had to be one where we each maintained some dignity, and ideally, where we each garnered some favorable attention. And maybe even some pity sex. And, and this is the most important thing - it would have to be the kind of fight which would allow us to remain friends even after the "relationship" was over.

I've been thinking about this proposed break-up fight tonight. Trying to come up with the best scenario. Here are some of my ideas.

I'm an asshole and/or she's a bitch
Way too obvious, and way too predictable. All break-up fights eventually come down to one or both of these accusations. We'd need something more memorable than this, plus it could end up being self-fulfilling if either of us plays our roles too expertly.

She won't let me buy her extravagant gifts
I like this one. It's nice and subtle. It says that I have money, which is always a good thing. And it also says that NotHideousGirl isn't the type of girl who'd be expecting gifts all the time. It shows my generosity. And it also shows that NotHideousGirl cares about more than material things.

I'm too much man for her, if you know what I mean
This, on paper anyway, should be my favorite. The problem, however, with this argument, is that it's a lie just waiting to be revealed. And, if it were to be revealed, it would happen at the worst possible time.

She's insatiable, but there should be more than just raw animal sex between us
I like this one too. I mean, every guy dreams of dating a nympho, right? So that would get NotHideousGirl lots of points. And this argument would also show that I am not a typical man. That I am concerned with more than just sex. That I'm all sensitive and shit.

I don't know if we're ever going to do this, this break-up fight. I think it could be fun, but I also doubt that I could keep a straight face.

So I imagine that we'll just have to keep whittling away at those doubting romanticists. Keep telling them the boring truth, and hope that it eventually sinks in.

You know how some blogs have those My Mood thingies at the top of every entry? Right below the Currently Listening To thingy?

I've never had either one of those in my blog. The former because it's stupid and usually redundant, and the latter because I don't listen to music often enough to want it to define me.

Anyway, I was thinking about my mood just now. Trying to come up with a word to describe it. I'm sure that the proper word exists, but I'll be damned if I can think of it.

The word disillusioned is pretty close, I guess. So is disgusted. And annoyed.

But none of those words are quite exactly right.

As recently as Thursday, the word unmotivated would have been quite appropriate. But now, now it's more than that. The lack of motivation that I noticed then, it has mutated, evolved into something else. Something more.

So, here's the deal.

I give up.

Those things that I want out of this life? They're beyond me. They always have been and they always will be beyond me. Wanting and hoping and dreaming and even trying are all wastes of my time. Mine and that of the people unfortunate enough to be around me.

So, fuck it. Let everyone else play the happiness game. I'll no longer watch from the sidelines, and I'll no longer dream of the day when I finally get to play. I'm sick of sitting on the bench, and so I'm not going to do it anymore.

The universe can find someone else to warm its fucking bench. I'm done.

I hope this mood lasts. It suits me.