Question: Why now? Why this girl, and not the one before? Why is knowing so important all of a sudden?

Answer: You don't understand. It's not that she's important, but that she isn't. I don't care what the answer is, and for once I'd like to find out before I do care.

I started out last night not knowing what I was going to do. I was thinking about maybe just staying home for once and watching some movies that I've purchased but never watched. Just a nice quiet night, me and the cats, a preview of my old age.

Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

I don't know why I wrote thankfully there. I guess because I'm still of a mindset that staying home on a weekend night would imply a failure of some type. Wouldn't a real failure be going out and returning home alone, with no prospects, and nothing to show for your evening except a bit of a hangover?

Anyway, RealTrainGirl called last night and told me that they were all up at Cumberland, so I went out to see them. I sat with her, MisunderstoodGirl, and GreenBeerDude. I don't think we really talked about much. There was tension in the air, tension that was not my fault, but I think we were all affected.

I had a Cumberland Nitro Porter (100) and enjoyed it immensely. I wish the place were closer to my home, so I could get that beer, and enjoy the crowd, more often.

After a while the girls (ha ha) wanted to go to some place downtown. After much deliberation I decided that I was just going to stay. The tension was bringing me down, plus I wanted another porter.

So I moved up to the bar and ordered another pint (120). Yummy. After a bit, this cute blonde chick sat down next to me. She sort of looked familiar but I've met so many people that I'm never really sure. I was trying to think of something to say besides the clichéd "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" when she turned to me and asked, "You work at XYZCorp, right?"

Okay, so mystery solved. We work at the same company. I talked to her for a few minutes, letting her sample my porter, until her date showed up and gave me dirty looks. Then they went and got their own table, and I was left to finish what I'd started before the chick had interrupted me - assessing body parts of the cute bartenders and mentally taking the best of each and building The Perfect Woman. This is something I can never do at Rich O's. Only guys work there. Except this one chick that kind of gives me the willies.

After my two yummy beers, I'd been halfway planning to stop by The Pub and have something, but it was nearing 11:00 and I ended up going to Rich O's instead.

The place was about a third full, typical I guess for last Friday night. I had something new for me:

Rogue FestiveAle (20)

(draft) Poured dirty orange. Aroma was musty - reminded me of a lambic. Taste also reminded me of a lambic, except this wasn't particularly sour. There was quite a bit of complication behind the obvious mustiness of the aroma and the flavor. I liked this beer.

It was kind of boring.

(response to messages)

Got them and responded using your password.

The way this works is, I get an e-mail sent to me saying that somebody has left a message at my site. Once I get to a computer, I see the e-mail and then I read the message. Then I respond if I feel like it. None of this is instantaneous. Perhaps in the future I'll have a cattle prod up my ass that will shock me when someone leaves a message. But, until that glorious day, it may take time for me to respond.

I get anywhere between 50 and 100 of these private messages a day. I read them, and respond where appropriate, as quickly as I can. But I do have a life.

I wasn't going to write about this, but she told me it would be okay if I did, so I guess I will. I just won't say who she is.

Every Thursday morning one of our local radio stations has a Better Business Bureau guy on to do this Scam of the Week segment. This is where he talks about the latest scam to hit our area, and how people are being fooled.

Stuff like "Congratulations! You've won $235,245,233,344,344.87 in the Canadian Lottery that you didn't even enter! Just send $10,000 to our P.O. box and we'll give you your winnings! We promise!"

Or maybe "Pay us $15,000 and then we'll come back tomorrow and fix your storm-damaged roof! Really! We will!"

Whenever I listen to this guy I'm appalled that anyone would ever fall for this shit. I mean, what kind of a person would be so, so stupid?

I know this one person. A person who I never thought of as being particularly dumb. Until now. Now I'm rethinking some of my earlier opinions. This person fell for one of these scams.

The one that goes "Hi, this is PayPal. Please give us all of your personal information or some bad stuff will happen! Really, it will be terrible! The only thing that can save you is to click here and enter all of your information!"

So this person gets this e-mail, clicks the link, and happily enters all of her personal information. Bank account number. Debit card PIN. Social Security Number. Bra size. And more.

You might imagine what happened next.

Her bank account was cleaned out.

Now of course that's no laughing matter, but it looks like the bank will refund her money after all the red tape is cut through. She just has to prove that she was at Chuck-E-Cheeses last night, and not in Europe buying army surplus stuff.

And, as an added bonus above and beyond not having any money for a while and having to deal with the embarrassment of falling for this scam, she now gets to closely monitor her credit for the rest of her life, because she typed in her social security number!

Oh well, at least she's got a new hobby to enjoy.

I'm not feeling very interesting today, even though it was jeans day and three (three!) different girls commented on my weight loss. They, obviously, all want it up the ass.

I haven't written a boring entry about the boring TV I watch lately, and I'll rectify that now.

I've been watching three new Fall shows, and I'm becoming convinced that all of Hollywood is out of ideas. So they steal each others' ideas.

Surface
Something is in the water, and this hot brunette marine biologist tries to find out more while the government tries to keep it covered up. The worst actress in the world plays the mother of a kid in the show.

Threshold
Something appears above the water, and this hot brunette contingency expert leads a government team that tries to keep it covered up. The bad guys are pod people of some kind. The worst actor in the world plays the head of the whole shebang.

Invasion
Something is in the water, and this hot brunette reporter is part of a group that tries to find out more, while the government tries to keep it covered up. The bad guys are pod people of some kind. The second-worst actress in the world plays the hot brunette's husband's ex-wife.

A few more points because I feel like typing some more:

I hate it when movies and television shows resort to the pod people gimmick. They're basically shouting to the world that they have no budget for special effects, so don't expect to see anything cool, ever, unless it's CGI.

The government cover-up gimmick has been played out for decades. At least Threshold gives it a bit of a twist by making the government the good guys.

Surface was supposed to premier earlier than it did, but they postponed it because of Katrina. See, the first episode of Surface featured a hurricane ravaging Florida.

The acting by the black guy on Threshold and the kid's mom on Surface is absolutely atrocious. And I've seen the guy in other things and I don't remember him sucking. It could just be the writing and directing with him I suppose.

Invasion is a Shaun Cassidy production. Yes, that Shaun Cassidy. Weird, huh?

I only really expect one of these shows to last. I hope it's Surface because at least they don't have pod people. Plus that show's hot brunette is slightly hotter that the other shows' hot brunettes.

Nat always thinks I'm fishing for compliments, but I'm really not. Fishing for reassurance is about as close as I get.

Until now I suppose.

Tonight I was reading back through some stuff I've written, trying remember what I was feeling when I wrote it. I ran across a couple of sentences that really jumped out at me.

So, I'm going to put those two sentences here, and I'm asking you, dear reader, to tell me the first opinion you have of them.

You looked at me, and your eyes burned straight through the shell I'd constructed like it wasn't even there. They then sought out my heart, and set it aflame.

Thanks.

For the first time in a couple of weeks, I went to Rich O's after work today.

I met up with RealTrainGirl and MisunderstoodGirl. I had a Baltika 6 (241) and we sat around and shot shit for a while. It was very nice. I really miss the old days at Rich O's when I had actual friends that would actually go in there.

I haven't been going there after work for a while because, as part of my bottling process, I'm supposed to be staying away from the scene of the crime as much as possible. I guess that's working out pretty well, but there's a gotcha there too.

Going there during the weekdays was always supposed to be my early warning system. It didn't do me a bit of good in August, but I can really see it saving my ass at some point. I really don't want to be afraid of the place, but without any warning system I'm not sure I can avoid at least a little bit of fear. As much as I glossed over what happened in August, it really did do quite a number on me.

Oh yeah, at Rich O's there were about twenty of the LOUDEST MOTHER FUCKERS I've ever seen. I really really really REALLY hope they never come back. I hate them so much.

I'm having a hard time finding balance in this 'blog.

One day, I'm a writing about boring bullshit like what beer I drink or what TV show I watch. In other words, I write about what I do. Nobody cares about that shit. Hell, I barely care about it myself.

The next day I'll overcompensate by writing about how annoyed or depressed or whatever I am. I write about what I feel. The writing seems to be a little better, but all that whining has to get old very quickly. If I'm tired of it, I know everyone else must be sick and tired of it.

So, one day I'm a boring person that nobody wants to read, and the next day I'm a whiny baby that nobody wants to read.

And then, then you have those really special days like today, when I whine about being a boring nobody.

Buying show tickets today reminded me of one of my more deranged fantasies.

This is one that I had back in May, the last time I was in Las Vegas, the last time I went to a fancy show.

I went to see Ka at the MGM Grand. I sat in the front row, next to the aisle.

The seat next to me was empty.

Kind of strange. The thing was sold out, and had been for weeks, but that seat was empty.

I figured that somebody must be running late, or that they'd made other plans. Changed their mind about the show. It was a single empty seat, so whoever had it reserved was in the same boat I was in. Alone. Or at least they were alone when they bought the ticket. Now, who knew?

At about ten minutes after the show started my fantasy began.

(I'm not really sure how to go about styling this part. Should I italicize and indent it, or just describe it like a normal person? The former I think. I can always go back and change it later.)

The house lights have dimmed, and the stage has become frenzied. All eyes are on the performers as they go through the first scene. I, like everyone else, am mesmerized. A form crosses in front of me, briefly distracting and annoying me. The form takes the empty seat beside me.

Wait a minute.

I turn my head to the right and try make out the shape next to me. It's pitch dark, but I know who it is. Her perfume is hinting, her body heat leading, but her presence - her presence is unmistakable.

I smile in the dark. I reach over and find her hand. I entwine my fingers with hers, and I never let go.

Found this incomplete document when purging some old files from my computer today.

AGENT CODENAME: KOKO
MISSION: INDUCEMENT TO ACTION VIA PSYCH. HARASSMENT (STANDARD)
MISSION STATUS: FAILED

CHRONOLOGY

15 JUN 2004: Initial assessment of subject vulnerabilities indicates that an adjustment of projected timeline would be feasible. Adjusting estimated mission completion to 1 AUG 2004.

19 JUN 2004: Subject proving to be more amenable to suggestion than previously calculated. Adjusting estimated mission completion to 15 JUL 2004. Requesting additional agents to eliminate secondary target.

20 JUN 2004; Secondary target eliminated. Subject and primary target may be beginning to suspect my presence. Primary objective attainable but subject did not repeat did not achieve.

26 JUN 2004: Mission has suffered a setback. Subject has definitely noticed my presence, and is beginning to actively fight my influence. A frontal assault may no longer be possible. Adjusting estmated mission completion to 15 AUG 2004.

12 JUL 2004: Subject is attempting to veer from defined mission objectives. Will attempt to correct. Requesting additional agents to eliminate secondary target.

24 JUL 2004: Secondary target eliminated. Adjusting estimated mission completion to 1 SEP 2004.

8 AUG 2004: Requesting additional agents to stabilize primary target.

8 AUG 2004: Primary target stabilized. Final objective in sight, but subject continues to fight my influence, and does not approach target. Adusting estimated mission completion to 15 SEP 2004.

According to the date on the file, I started writing this just after my gorilla friend left.