Just to clarify, I did vote for Obama. But maybe I didn't do it for the right reasons.

I voted for him because he's black. And because he wasn't Sarah Palin. But mostly because he's black.

I remember saying, back before the campaigns even began, that Osama bin Laden could run as a Democrat against the Republican second coming of Jesus Christ (of Nazareth, heh), and still win in a landslide. So great was the hatred for Bush, and by extension, the hatred for all white male Republicans, fuck, even Dukakis might have had a chance in 2008.

Now, that's not to take away from what Obama did. Not at all. But I do think that, in 2017 when his reign ends, the greatest thing he'll have ever done will be to have been elected President while simultaneously being black.

And this was no small feat.

By being elected, he gave hope to millions of Americans, and he smashed excuses for those same millions and for millions more. No longer can a black person - or any member of any minority for that matter - give up on themselves because the system is against them. The system may still be against them, but no longer can that be their excuse.

I saw it in the eyes of blacks all over Louisville, right after the election, and I still see it today. Not just pride, they always had pride, but hope.

What other president can do what Obama has done, simply by being elected?

Hillary could have done similarly, albeit for a different group of people, and I believe that she would have made a better president than Obama. But elections are never about who would perform better in office. Elections are about who's the better candidate. And Obama was definitely the better candidate. In many ways, he still is, as he's already campaigning for his re-election bid in 2012.

The man is never off-stage, and he knows it.

And besides, he's not Sarah Palin.

So apparently our President gave a speech last night. I was asleep, paying what I believe that was the proper amount of attention, but a lot of people actually watched the thing. And then they started talking about it and writing about it. So far this morning I've heard and read reactions of two distinct flavors:

1. Oh noes! The death camps are going to get me!

2. All hail Barack Obama!

And then people on both sides call the people on the other side a bunch of poopie-heads.

In other words, nothing has changed. Despite the fact that we've got a young, charismatic, and black man for a President, we're still just as polarized as ever.

On the one side, we have the cautionaries. This camp subscribes to the Slippery Slope Theory of Everything, and a typical argument from them might be, If stem cell research is allowed to continue, before too long abortions will be mandatory so the labs can meet their quotas.

And then we have the reactionaries. To them, everything is broken, and so everything needs fixing. Oh, and it needs to be fixed the right way, which just happens to be their way. A typical statement from a reactionary might be, Blah Obama blah blah change blah hope blah Bush sucks blah.

I bet most of us would like to see ourselves as standing somewhere between these two extremes. And maybe we do, most of the time, but there are issues for each of us that force us to one side or the other. What bothers me is that some people become so firmly entrenched in their camp that it becomes useless to talk to them at all. I call these people assholes.

Don't get me wrong, though; some of my best friends are assholes.

I really feel like crap. Really.

It's not even 8:30, and I'm going to go to bed.

Goodnight, cruel world.

I can forgive a lot of things. I have forgiven a lot of things. More than anyone else would have forgiven.

But this?

How the fuck am I supposed to forgive this and still manage to maintain some semblance of dignity?

I am not a doormat, though I've played one in the past, when it seemed that a doormat was needed.

I did what was necessary, or at least what seemed necessary at the time, not because of what those things were, but because of who needed them.

Because of who needed me.

And I liked it. Loved it, even. I lived for those opportunities.

And now?

Summary dismissal.

Of whatever the fuck you want to call it. Friendship? Something more? Something less? Something else?

I don't care what you call it. Just pick something. And don't say nothing. Don't you fucking dare say nothing.

We may no longer exist, but I still do exist. Barely.

And what's left of me deserves more than this. Even the worst person on Earth would deserve more than this.

More than nothing.

Here's another one from facebook. I should be doing these in vlog format.

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Who is the person in your life who taught you the most valuable life lessons?
MixedSignalGirl. I answered this question immediately, without giving it any thought whatsoever. I'll stick with that answer, but I'll add the "normal" people like my parents and such.

What is your earliest childhood memory?
I remember my mom holding a baby that, to my horror, wasn't me. I had a new sister named Dina. My next earliest memory, as far as I can tell, was of playing with a girl with long dark hair. Research has indicated that this was probably my cousin Terri, and I was two or three years old.

Where was the last place you made 'whoopie'?
My bed.

When did you wake up today?
About 8:00. I wish I would have slept longer.

Why did you cry last?
Me strong man. Me no cry.

Who is your favorite male actor?
Keifer Sutherland.

What was the last movie you watched?
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, a couple of nights ago. I thought it was a stupid movie.

Where do you do most of your shopping?
A gas station down the road from my house. Stupid question. The place where I spend the most money is Rich O's.

When did you last tell someone that you loved them?
Within the last six months, I think. She didn't believe me, I guess because of all the zillions of times I'd lied to her.

Why did you tell your last 'white lie?'
I have no idea. I'm a very honest person.

Who do you look more like - your mother or your father?
My mom. I actually think I look more like my maternal grandfather, except he was bald and I'm not.

What color is your vehicle?
Red or black or blue, depending on which vehicle you mean. I drive the blue truck the most. This is probably a variation of the "What's your favorite color?" question that usually pops up in these things.

Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world on vacation?
Australia probably. Or Alaska. Or Russia. I'm easy. Usually I just want to get away from here, and the actual destination is secondary at best.

When was the last time you disappointed someone or hurt their feelings?
Within the last month, I bet. Hard to say. Disappointing someone and hurting their feelings can be two very different things.

Why do you think you are a 'good catch?'
Because I'm awesome. True, so true.

Who is your bff?
HatGirl and RockGirl.

What is the best feature on your body?
I've been complimented on my tongue. Does that count? Sometimes girls like my eyes, because they supposedly change color.

Where would you get a tattoo - if you would get a tattoo?
If I HAD to get one it would be on my upper arm. I can't imagine ever getting one, though.

When and what did you have for dinner today?
A fish sandwich and fries at the haunted Burger King. They were yummy.

Why did you take the time to complete this survey?
Because I was incredibly bored.

The other night I was bored and took this "truth" survey on facebook. I reproduce it here for your amusement. The parts of the answers in italics were not part of my oirginal facebook answers.

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Who was your hardest breakup?
I think that everyone knows the answer to that question. Anyone who knows me at all, in any event. And even if they disagree with me as to whether it was a breakup or not, nobody can deny that it hurt me terribly, and that it continues to do so.

Who was your last kiss to?
KittenDamsel. I kinda wish they'd used "most recent kiss" instead of "last kiss." The way they worded is too pessimistic.

Whats your favorite color?
Blue. Seriously, this question shows up all the time on these things. Does anyone really care about another person's favorite color?

What question would you hate to be asked?
This one. Okay, I dodged this question when I originally took this quiz. The real question I'd most hate to be asked would probably be something like, "Do you still cling to stupid hope?"

What is the weirdest thing you have done?
I'm 44 years old, I've done TONS of weird things. One time, in Alaska, I jumped onto an iceberg-thingy to see if it would hold me. Maybe that was more stupid than weird, though.

Who do you have a crush on?
Lots of different girls. Probably every girl I know.

How old do you wish you were right now?
A million. I don't know why I picked a million. Maybe so I'd be old and wise and stuff. In actuality, I wouldn't mind being 30 again.

If you had a time machine, would you use it, what important moment in your life would you see?
All I can do is SEE that moment, not change it? If all I can do is see it, I'd like to see my own birth. I've gone to the hospital where I was born, trying to find someone who can help me locate the room I was born in. But all those people are dead or retired by now, and they've done a lot of remodeling, so I've never found the actual room.

What is the biggest lie you ever told?
I've never told a lie. :) Not for a long time, anyway.

What do you regret most doing?
Waiting. I should have told LaptopGirl how I felt about her years earlier.

What do you regret most not doing?
Waiting. As long as I'd waited for years already, I should have waited a few more months, so I'd have been believed.

If you could choose how you could die, what would you choose?
Something memorable. An airplane crash or something. I want to SCREAM my last breath. Most people want to fall asleep and just never wake up. That would piss me off if it happened to me.

What would your best friend be surprised that you did?
I dunno. I'm an open book. I have nothing to add to my original answer.

If you could speak one more language, what would it be?
I already speak English and some Spanish. I guess French would be my next choice. And whatever they speak in Belgium. Is that Flemish?

If you had one day to live, how would you spend it (besides saying good bye)?
I'd spend it with her, if she'd let me. I seriously doubt that LaptopGirl would want to see me, but I'd have to ask. I would have no plan B.

Think of the most outrageous question, then type the answer.
In a heartbeat. I'm not gonna say what the question was.

What is the mast annoying trait in your best friend that you would like to eliminate?
I don't know if my best friend has ever annoyed any masts. Okay, there was a typo in the question, and I made fun of it. My best friend does indeed have annoying traits, just like everyone does, but I'm not going to spotlight any of them by stating what they are.

Have you ever felt like you ruined someones life?
I thought so once. I was wrong, luckily. I was pretty worried that I'd screwed MixedSignalGirl up for life. But she's turned out just fine.

I kinda feel like I should say something tonight, but I'm going to hold myself in check, as much as I can. It's probably just the drugs coursing through my veins that are making me want to talk. Sudafed and alcohol. Maybe the two of them together will be able to do what one alone couldn't. Maybe they'll dry out my damn sinuses. So I can sleep.

I didn't sleep for shit last night. Stupid coughing and running to the bathroom to hack into the sink every 10 minutes. It's amazing to me that the human body can produce so much snot.

Gross, I know.

At least my fever seems to be gone.