I remember that, tonight as I stood outside Rich O's enjoying the cool Spring air, I remember thinking that I seemed to be a pawn in some twisted game. The game was called, I decided, How Stupid Is Dave?

And, I freely admitted to myself, I really sucked at that game.

I was, it seemed, being manipulated by a master player. The best player ever, perhaps. I was fooled, and then I was jerked around, and then I was given false hope, and then I was misled, and then I was fooled again.

And, through it all, I played the part of the pawn perfectly. Fuck, I even liked being a pawn. Because it was better than being nothing, and I'd had enough of that, thank you very much.

But that was about 9:00, when I was thinking those things. By 10:05 by my watch, everything had, once again, changed. My perception shifted, or reality shifted around me. I'm not sure which, and I don't really care. All I know is that the game revealed its true name even as it shifted to my favor.

The real name of the game is How Patient Is Dave?

And, let me tell you, that's a game that I'm a master of. Because the value of patience is directly related to the value of the desired. I realized this a long time ago, at about the same time I figured out that if desire is infinite, then so must be patience.

I'm so happy right now.

I'm happy because my patience paid off. Though Wednesday was tough, and the first part of Thursday was even tougher, I did have the patience that was required.

I'm happy that my patience paid off, but most of all, I'm happy because the desired and the realized, for a while there, they fucking merged. For a while there, I wanted nothing more than what I had. For a while there, I waited for nothing.

And, the thing is, I could have waited for a million years. A billion years. A trillion years. Use whatever long period of time that you wish. It doesn't matter how long it is.

As long as it took, it would always be, will always be, worth the wait.

It was worth the wait.

And now, back home, I start to wait once again.

But that's okay. I can wait.

I have plenty of patience.

I wonder, how long it would be, this imaginary entry that I will never write?

If I somehow managed to shut down or at least suppressed all of my inhibitions, and I just started writing, how many words would it take before I was finally finished? Before I'd finally written everything there was to write?

Most people, I daresay, most people who read the thing would never speak to me again.

But the others, the ones that stuck around, they'd be with me forever, I think.

And I'd never doubt them again.

A week or so ago, I ran across this article. I've seen similar articles before. It seems like they pop up every year as St. Patrick's Day nears.

Then today I saw this article. This is just another rehash of the standard pets reduce stress story that news organizations use when Britney hasn't done anything crazy lately.

Anyway, for those keeping score at home, (a) I enjoy an occasional alcoholic beverage, and (b) I own not just one, but three cats.

I am, therefore, invincible and I will live forever.

When I see your great-great-great-great-grandchildren, I'll tell then you said, "Hi."

I was talking with my sister yesterday. She told me about how she'd been sitting out on her deck Friday night, trying to enjoy the snowfall, but it had become too cold and windy for her comfort.

So, she ran back inside her house.

I guess she ran quickly. Furthermore, I guess she ran too quickly.

Because she startled one of her cats.

The cat hauled ass out of the room to hide, but not until it had deposited two turds onto Dina's kitchen floor.

I think that cat was pretty smart. I think it deliberately shit on Dina's floor to provide a distraction while it made its escape.

I like that idea. I like that idea so much, I'm going to steal it.

In the unlikely event that my ex-wife ever sets foot into Rich O's, I'm not just going to haul ass out the back door. Nope, I'm going to drop my pants and shit on the floor first. That little distraction should buy me enough time to get away.

This plan should also work for other unwelcome intruders; my ex-wife is just the first one who came to mind.

I think most people around here are pretty excited this morning. I know I'm pretty excited, and I'm a grumpy old man.

We're having the biggest snowfall we've had since December of 2004. You could even call it the only snowfall we've had here since then. I'm looking out my office window, and I can't tell how much snow I have out there. It's blowing and drifting around too much. I will guess that there's at least 10 inches of snow.

And it's still snowing, though that's not expected to last for much longer, I don't think.

Anyway, it's pretty cool, but I'm ready for Spring now.

A lot of things seem random, until they're over, and then not so much.

Earlier today I was having an email conversation with RockGirl, as I'm wont to do, and I said that I couldn't remember the last time that I was utterly happy with my life. Not happy with just one particular aspect, but happy with the totality of my existence.

I wrote to RockGirl that perhaps I'd been happy during that brief time when MysteryLady and I were together. Even as I wrote it, I knew it wasn't true. There had been other times. More recent times. But I couldn't remember what those more recent times had been.

Then tonight, I watched a movie. I picked it at random from my shelf. At least I thought I picked it at random. I've seen it before. Several times, actually. It's one of my favorite movies. It's genius.

And, as I watched the movie, I remembered something. Something important.

Probably about the fifth time I watched this movie, back in the middle of 2005 - I think that was the last time that I was totally happy. Because I watched it with MixedSignalGirl. It was well after all the bullshit had started to destroy our relationship, but on that night, for whatever reason, none of the bullshit mattered. We just enjoyed each other's company. We sat on my loveseat, I had my arm around her, and we just fit together.

I remember, during the scene where the guy vomited all over the alley, MixedSignalGirl averted her eyes from the TV, and she buried her face against my chest. To this day, I don't know if she was laughing, or if she was disgusted, or if it was combination of both. What I do know is that I leaned over, ever so slightly, and I kissed the top of her head, and she sighed when I did it, and our souls merged.

I defy anyone, anywhere, from anytime past or present or future, to ever produce a more perfect moment than that.

I was completely happy with my life, right then and right there.

I'm pretty sure that was the last time.

(I will award 1,000,000 points to the first person who knows what movie I watched tonight. The title of this entry is a hint. Those 1,000,000 points may be redeemed for one beer, should we ever meet in person.)

I can envision a time, probably not to far removed from the present, when this blog will have become nothing but memes and inane reports like this one. When that times comes, I may finally see this as the waste that it is, and I may finally be able to stop.

Anyway, like last week, I didn't get around to watching these until Thursday night. So, four of these people have been eliminated by the time of this writing. I don't know who. Unlike last week, this week I bothered to write down my thought about the guy singers as well.

Luke: An incredibly gay performance. This guy sings very well, but this time he was just way over the top. A crappy start to the night. (50 points)

David A: Cool name. A very good performance. I'm a huge fan of this kid. (80 points)

Danny: Stupid song, but I can't fault the singing at all. This kid's very good. Too bad he's such a dick - I took off 10 points for that. (70 points)

David H: Cool name again. Great song, great job. (85 points)

Michael: Darn, I usually like this guy, but not tonight. Stupid song choice, and way too much bouncing around. He screwed up several notes. (60 points)

David C: Okay, how come I've never noticed all these fucking Davids before? Anyway, A good job. (85 points)

Jason: Stupid song. Way too kum-bah-yah for my tastes, so I didn't really listen except when he butchered this one note and cracked my glasses. (40 points)

Jacuzzi: He sucks, so I went and peed instead. My pee scored: (55 points)

---

Asia'h: Okay, but boring. I took off 10 points for having an apostrophe in her name, then I gave 5 points back because she looked hot. (75 points)

Kady: I never heard this song before. I thought she did a good job, but I'm biased when it comes to Kady. I gave 10 bonus points for being smoldering hot. (85 points)

Amanda: A one-trick pony, and that one trick isn't all that impressive. Painful. She needs to get off my TV now. (40 points)

Carly: A lot better than last week. She's such a good singer. (90 points)

Kristy: Good song, and she countrified it, and she did it brilliantly. Awesome. I gave 10 bonus hotness points. (95)

Ramiele: Another great song. A pretty good performance, but she seemed a little distracted. One of the backup singers tried to ruin the performance, but I think they managed to gag her early enough. (80 points)

Brooke: A pretty cool folksy arrangement of a Pat Benatar classic. I thought she did a fantastic job, and I also gave her 10 bonus hotness points. (95 points)

Syesha: She still seems very full of herself. She's also awesome, even with such a stupid fucking song. (79 points)

Because I seem to be incapable of caring enough to write anything original, I'm just going to answer these questions and pretend that it's the same as writing.

1. Initials:
DSS

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Cindy Crawford

3. Favorite fruit?
Nanners

4. For or against same sex marriage?
To each his own. Seems to me, though, that it's the word "marriage" that causes most of the controversy.

5. Are you allergic to anything?
Penicillin, coconuts, maybe bee stings

6. Are you bisexual?
Nope

7. Have you ever slept in someone else's clothes?
Don't think so

8. How many U.S states have you been to?
37

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in?
8

10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S?
Not really

11. Name something physical you like about yourself?
Yeah, right

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself?
I'm funny sometimes

13. Do you have any pets?
Three kitties

14. What is your dream car?
Like I care

15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
Antarctica

16. Are you bipolar?
Yes. I mean, no.

17. What dream car do you want your husband/wife to drive?
Like I care.

18. Where would you want to go on a first date?
Wherever we can talk

19. Would you date the person who posted this before you?
Apparently not

20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yes

21. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes

22. What was the last text message you received:
HatGirl apologizing for forgetting my birthday

23. Have you ever bungee jumped?
Yes

24. Have you ever white water rafted?
Kind of

25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Yes

26. Are you racist?
Nope

27. What song are you listening to right now?
Nothing

28. What's your favorite song at the moment?
It varies. I've been into David Gray lately.

29. What was the last movie you watched?
Saw

30. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Rich O's

31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Nope

32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Unfortunately

33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
General body shape

34. What's your fav. body part on the opposite sex?
Eyes

35. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I don't go to Starbucks

36. Say something totally random about yourself:
57084237540

37. Do you have an iPod?
No

38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yes, but she was drunk.

39. Do you have freckles?
Sure

40. Are you comfortable with your height?
I suppose

41. Do you love someone right now?
Yes

42. How tall are you?
Obsessed with height, aren't we?

43. Do you speak any other language other than English?
Also un poco de Espanol

44. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yes

45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Too many times

46. Do you watch MTV?
Nope

48. What's something that really annoys you?
Cruelty

50. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I haven't paid any attention to him/her/it in about 20 years.

51. Have you ever surfed?
No

52. Do you know how to pump gas?
Duh

53. Do you drive?
Duh

54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out?
Forever

55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
Not really. Afterwards I've realized that there have been close calls.

56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No

57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
Yes

58. What's your favorite state to live in?
Denial

59. What color is your hair?
Blonde

60.What color are your eyes?
Blue

61. Do you have any special talents?
Yes

62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Diet Vanilla Pepsi

63. Favorite city?
Juneau, Alaska was pretty cool.

64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
If by "ridden" you mean "fallen off of" then yes.

65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be?
The dude in the crow's nest.

66. Who do you live with?
My cats

67. Last thing you watched on TV?
I don't know. It's been several days.

68. Do you wear glasses or contacts?
Glasses

69. Have you ever taken a roadtrip?
Duh

I'm supposed to write my Saturday Beer Report one of these years, but it will be a long one, and so I keep putting it off.

Besides, I've become painfully aware, over the last three or four hours, that there's a good chance that my future happiness is about to be decided. And not by me. All I can do is wait and hope. Wait to see if any of my past has been worth the effort, and whether any of my future will warrant any effort whatsoever.

Hold on a second, maybe I can do more than just sit and wait. Maybe I can go to Sluttopia and drink. That would certainly be the normal thing to do. Maybe I'll do that. Act like a normal person for a while.

Last night was the first night of the NABC Gravity Head festival at Rich O's. The busiest night of the year, I'm sure. And the crowd certainly didn't disappoint. Only once, on the first night of Gravity Head a couple of years ago, have I ever seen so many people crammed into that space. It was standing room only, and even finding a stable spot to stand was a daunting task.

But, stand I did. For the first hour or so. I stood at the end of the bar, talking alternately with some dude I sort of recognized, and a half-dozen or so Gravity Head virgins who, for some reason, decided that I would make a good sommelier.

Oh yeah, FirstGirl was there. She's making a pendant out of my rock. She says that she's got it finished, and that I might get it back Saturday night. So I'm very excited about that.

My first beer was a new one for me.

Alvinne Podge Belgian Imperial Stout

(draft) Black in color, with a thin tan lacy head that faded quickly. Aroma of malts and light chocolate and dark fruits. Medium mouthfeel - not quite syrupy. The flavor is fairly tame, mostly malts and chocolate. I like this. Dangerous though, because the high ABV is hidden very well.

Eventually, I began to ease my way over to the living room area. Just to be a little bit closer, to be more prepared for the unlikely event that a seat would open up. Well, to my astonishment, a seat did open up on the sofa. I quickly moved there and allowed myself to relax for the first time. This was also about the time that I ordered my second beer, another new one for me.

Dark Horse Scotty Karate Scotch Ale

(draft) Clear dark amber. Good long-lasting head. No detectable aroma. The mouthfeel is a little watery, and the flavor is mostly roasted malts. A decent beer, but kind of a waste of time. The alcohol was hidden very well, a little too well, I think.

While I was drinking that beer, a couple of interesting things happened. The first thing was that SpoonsGirl came in and a few minutes later her imaginary hot friend joined her. They had managed to scam seats at the bar though, so we didn't really talk. I'd just throw something at her every now and then, and wave when she turned around.

The second interesting thing was that LaptopGirl emailed me to inquire about the crowd. Then a little bit later she came in, and the crowd faded into obscurity. LaptopGirl and I had a pretty weird conversation. Weird, but still good. Always good.

For my next beer, I had myself a Mad Bitch (296). It was very yummy, and it was the real Mad Bitch, not the oak-aged abomination that has been the only version available at Rich O's for the last million years. I enjoyed it a lot, in part because I knew that it would have to be my last beer of the night.

After LaptopGirl left, and the crowd rematerialized around me, I moved up to the kiddie table and talked to SpoonsGirl and her imaginary hot friend for a bit. I watched NotHideousGirl get up and leave without even a glance in my direction. Eventually I just sat and talked with SpoonsGirl about various stuff.

I went to White Castle and then came home at 12:30 or so.