[1.] Where was the first time you ever kissed the last person you kissed?
Outside her work.

[2.] What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I ran into VigilanteGirl at White Castle.

[3.] What's the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
One more day, then I'm off for a week! Yay!

[4.] Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
Stupid question. I'd rather sleep.

[5.] Last thing that suprised you?
Besides seeing VigilanteGirl at White Castle, I guess it was yesterday when I got some crappy news.

[6.] What's the closest thing to you that is brown?
My cat Happy is at my feet smelling my shoes.

[7.] What would you change about your life right now?
I would add a billion dollars.

[8.] Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
The truth is almost always better.

[9.] What's on your bedroom floor right now?
Piles of clothes, in varying states of cleanliness.

[10.] Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
This dipshit a couple of weeks ago, for saying bad things about a wonderful person.

[11.] Do you trust people?
Depends on the person. Generally, no.

[12.] If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
Las Vegas.

[13.] Have you ever been out of the country?
During the first Gulf War.

[14.] Could you go a day without eating?
I could probably use it.

[15.] How much do looks matter to you?
For first impressions, they're pretty important. I think that's normal.

[16.] How do you feel about sex?
I can take it or leave it, usually. I like the emotional connections more.

[17.] When was the last time you had your hair cut?
A couple of weeks ago.

18.] Would you rather be mad or sad?
Mad, but I rarely feel that way.

[20.] What's the best feeling in the world?
BEing in love.

[21.] Are you close with your mom?
She's buried a couple of miles from me. Does that count?.

[22.] Are your parents strict?
They were pretty lax, and they've gotten moreso since they died.

[23.] Do you tell you your parents everything?
That would be weird.

[24.] Would you rather be a bird or a fish?
A bird. Stupid question.

[25.] Name one fear you have ....
I have an aversion to crowds.

[26.] If you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive?
Depends on the weather.

[27.] Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Nope.

[28] Do u want to have kids?
I've found myself thinking about it lately.

[29.] What's your favorite color to wear?
Blue.

[30] What time is it?
2:28 PM.

[31.] What are you doing today?
Worked. Came home. Getting ready to take a nap.

[32.] Would you rather be rich & sad or poor & happy?
If I were poor, I think I'd be sad.

[33] cuddle or sex?
One then the other.

[34.] What would you do if you found a dinosaur egg?
Like a viable one, or fossilized?

[35.] Do you get bored easily?
I'm taking this survey, aren't I?

[36.] What's something that someone can do that really bothers you?
Being cruel.

[37.] Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?
Not so much. Maybe my middle name - I don't like it very much.

[39.] Do you make a wish at 11:11?
Stupid question.

[40] Are u listening to anything right now?
The clacking of my keyboard.

[41.] Who's the last text message you received from and what did it say?
MusicalYuppieDude - "Yup."

[42.] What are you freakishly obsessed with?
I think I've already covered that particular subject.

[43.] What's your favorite song at the moment?
David Gray - Please Forgive Me

[44] Whats your favorite movie?
I have many favorites.

[45.] Can music affect your mood?
Sure.

46?

[47] Anything bothering u right now?
A few things. None that I can really do anything about, though.

[48.] Have you ever been in a cave?
Yes. Stupid question.

[49] Have you ever eaten a bug?
Not on purpose.

[50.] When will you see the person you like next?
I have no idea.

There are two, maybe three people, who are probably wondering what I'm going to write about tonight. I thought that there might be four, but I've decided that the fourth person wasn't listening. Her gain, actually.

I've decided that I'm not going to write shit about what happened to me today. I didn't write about anything leading up to it, after all, so to just spring this on the Internet would only make people yawn. Like it's not a big deal.

Well, screw that. It's a fucking huge deal.

Anyway.

Tonight, I was in an incredibly shitty mood. So shitty that, in fact, I actually found myself wishing against something that I've done nothing but wish for since 2004 or so.

And then, then my fucking wish came true, and so that just adds insult to injury. Stupid me and my stupid wish coming true. Stupid.

I spent the majority of the night sulking at the bar. Some people had tried to cajole me into sitting in the living room area, but I'd have none of that. Too many weirdoes about.

So I sat at the bar. I had a Pyramid Snow Cap (70) then a De Dolle Stille Nacht (76). Both were yummy, but both were also quite strong. So I had a little Dark Horse Tres Blueberry Stout (165) and then I cut myself off. At like fucking 8:30. Sometimes I really hate being a lightweight. Anyway, I ended up drinking Diet Cokes for the rest of the night.

Most of the time I spent sulking, but I did talk to MusicalYuppieDude off and on. And I tried to talk to OddlyFamiliarGirl, but she'd have none of that bullshit. Then I got really claustrophobic because this one PBD was seriously invading my space, so I picked up my shit and moved to the kiddie table.

After another half-hour or so of sulking, I came home.

I've been trying to decide if tonight was a good night or not. You be the judge.

Good: I feel much better, health-wise, than I've felt for days.

Bad: I didn't get to see LaptopGirl, so now it's been two weeks since I was so blessed.

Good: PearlGirl gave me a little card that said I was Hott with two Ts.

Bad: There were a bunch of weirdoes who scared me away from the living room area.

Good: I got a boner.

Bad: I texted the girl about my boner.

Good: There was a girl who I thought might have been a blast from my past.

Bad: She turned out to be the underage daughter of FirstGirl - and I'd never seen her before. She just looked like that other girl.

Good: I had a yummy NABC Cone Smoker (3051) and a glass and a half of yummy Rogue Chocolate Stout (2370).

Bad: I couldn't finish that second glass of Rogue, because I'm a lightweight.

Good: The place was full of random hot girls.

Bad: The place was full of random hot girls.

Good: My pizza was yummy.

Bad: I'd been hoping to split a pizza with LaptopGirl.

Bad: I'm a shithead.

Good: I'm an honest shithead.

Bad: Tonight I missed, in no particular order; HatGirl, MixedSignalGirl, LaptopGirl, SassyGirl, and NotHideousGirl.

Good: I'm excited that I'll get to see AlliGirl tomorrow.

Bad: When I left, I saw LaptopGirl's car in the parking lot, so I should have stayed until she came back.

All in all, I guess the night was a wash.

I guess I'm going to live. Whether it was the nasal spray that my sister brought me, or merely the passage of enough time, or the two-hour hot bath I took, I'm feeling much better now.

Just in time to go back to work tomorrow.

My head feels like it's got hardened cement in it, and my chest hurts from all the coughing and sneezing I've done, but my fever is gone. And the fever is what really knocked me out. Even though it gave me several cool dreams, including one about an orgy that I will never forget.

Tomorrow is supposed to be AlliDay, but either The Pub is closed or AlliGirl just has the day off work. So that sucks, but Thursday will make a fine substitute.

I expect to be the only person at work for the next three days. They gave us the choice between the three days after Christmas or the three days after New Year's Day off, and I took the latter. I don't know why. Probably so I can get some work done this week, since there won't be any distractions. Everyone else picked the days after Christmas.

I've been given token invites to a few things next Monday. I don't want it to seem like I'm holding out for a better offer, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

Shadows are strange. A wall can cast a shadow, but so can a cloud, and the effect is the same.

Darkness.

When I was a child, all sorts of horrible creatures lurked in the shadows. But now, now I see them for what they really are.

Absence of light.

When I was a child, I recoiled from the shadows. But now, now I seek them out. I embrace them, and I thank them for what they do.

Shrouding the truth.

---

Okay, this is stupid. Not at all what I wanted to write. Too metaphorical, too cryptic.

What I wanted to say was that, right now, I don't fear the truth. And I don't even know what the fucking truth is. I think I usually fear it just on principle. But. Not. Now.

I don't want to know, but I do want to know, so badly that every breath I take is nothing but another disappointment, because I'm still in the dark. Still in this shadow. Cowering.

Don't destroy my shadow. Don't take away the obstruction that stands between me and the light. That's not what I want. What I want, what I fucking want, is to be lured from my hiding place. Coaxed. Beguiled. Seduced. Whatever.

I need to emerge willingly, I think, whether through truth or trickery. Otherwise, I fear that the shock will be too great, and my eyes will close forever.

I already mentioned that I got this nifty voice recorder thingy for Christmas. My thinking is that, since I usually have good ideas for entries while I'm driving, I can use my new thingy to record those ideas. Much safer than trying to write in a notebook while I'm driving down the road.

Anyway, tonight I was listening to the stuff I recorded Saturday night, and I heard something that made me smile.

I'm going to go ahead and post the thing in wav format. I hope people can actually hear it.

The first part is the part that made me smile. HatGirl snuck a recording onto my thingy. She's so sweet.

The second part is me saying that I hate that fucker. I'm talking about the dipshit who'd tried to talk to us earlier.

The third part is me singing happy birthday to HatGirl. Girls, please try not to melt.

So, without further ado, here's the file.

This entry is not meant to be used as a timetable of my last several days. I can pretty much guarantee that I've got the order of some things mixed-up - especially for Friday and Saturday. So, unless I specifically say that a certain thing happened on a certain day/night, it's just a guess. You have been warned.

---

Thursday for lunch I went back to The Pub for AlliDay, take two. It was much better - they weren't nearly as crowded and I got to talk to AlliGirl several times. Note that I've switched to calling her AlliGirl instead of BikerGirl. I doubt that I was really fooling anyone.

---

Either Friday or Saturday, I got to see TeamHotness for a bit. They'd been hiding out over at the Sportstime side of things, but I caught them in the parking lot as they were leaving. So that was cool.

---

Oh yeah, Friday night my sisters and I had our Christmas thingy. One of the things I got was a six-pack of bottles of Harpoon Winter Warmer, and I'm told that it can be purchased in Louisville.

Yay!

Neisha's husband Chris and I had a bottle each. It was as good as I remembered. Now I've got four bottles calling to me from my fridge, and if I ever get over this damn death-flu I'm going to drink them.

---

Saturday night this one fucker who I hate decided to sit with me and HatGirl and LuckyFucker. He then decided to try to talk to us. As if. What a shithead.

---

This morning I had a sex dream. It was more of an orgy dream, actually. And a lot of girls I know were in it. I wrote a draft entry about the dream, then sent it to RockGirl for her opinion on whether I should post it or not. Her advice was to change all of the girls' names. I've decided not to post it at all, because changing the names would render the dream meaningless.

---

I've been sneezing today, and sometimes I've sneezed out my eye. I don't mean that my eye has popped out - just some of the snot comes out of the corner of my eye when I sneeze. Gross, right?

---

Dina just came by and got the shrimp tray for tonight's festivities. She also bought me a thingy of nasal spray. I hope it works. And I hope I don't sneeze the stuff through my eye, because I bet that would really burn.

---

I'm going back to sleep now.

You know what's attractive?

When you've been getting more and more sick for three days, and then you get to the point where your sinuses are draining so quickly and so relentlessly that you're forced to sleep with tissues stuffed into your nostrils.

That's what's attractive.

Yeah, so I'm sick. Some kind of stupid death-flu, combined with that never-fully-awake feeling that comes from getting way too much sleep. I myself have slept for almost twenty-four hours straight. I emerged only long enough to drive to the store and buy a bunch of tissues and a shrimp tray. And today's sleep followed the eighteen or nineteen hours from Saturday.

So I'm pretty well fucking rested, I think.

I don't know what's going to happen with the holiday obligations. I really only have one left. I'm supposed to go to my grandmother's house tomorrow night. It's a long tradition, that we all go there and pose for pictures and stuff. Plus, that's what the shrimp tray is for. But I'm not going to go and risk infecting anyone - especially not my grandmother. She's got enough problems.

I have nothing else planned for the next two days. There's a wrapped and labeled present, for a child I've never met - it's sitting in my car. I guess I won't be allowed to give that gift after all. That's okay, though. I think I understand that it would be weird. Besides, now I'm all sick and stuff, so any gift handoff would be too risky.

I'm going back to bed now.

Buy stock in Puffs plus tissues.

Happy birthday to HatGirl!

Yay for HatGirl!

I got this nifty voice recorder doohickey for Christmas. Tonight, I recorded myself singing happy birthday to HatGirl. I was thinking about posting the audio file here. But I realized that the risk that my singing might melt the hearts of women all over the world - it's just wasn't worth it.

Besides, HatGirl already got to hear me sing it in person.