I'm pissed.

Pissed at myself. At my life. At everything.

I just yelled at this poor girl at work for no reason. She was just trying to set up a lunch for my group, and I felt the need to tell her how much I hate eating lunch, and how much I loathe doing just about anything in these stupid work clothes.

I did go over and apologize, but I obviously shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on her in the first place.

It's not her fault that my life sucks. It's mine.

I think I need to take a vacation to Antarctica or some other unpopulated place. That way nobody will have to deal with my crap until I've learned to deal with it myself.

The other night, Saturday to be exact, I was asked the question.

Do you love me?

This was not the first time she'd asked, but it was quite possibly the last.

I wonder, did a part of me know what was happening, how important it was?

Because Saturday, for the first time, I wanted to lie when I answered that question. I mean, I really really really wanted to lie. I wanted to say yes, and I wanted her to believe me, and I wanted her to say it back to me, and I wanted us to kiss, and I wanted us to live happily ever after.

What's a little lie if it can bring a lifetime of happiness?

Always before, I'd wanted to say yes. But I'd wanted it to be true before I said it. I'd always given her the truth, just as she'd always given it to me.

I could have done it though. She wanted me to say yes, and I don't think that she really cared anymore if it was the truth or not. She just wanted to hear me say the words. I think she'd have believed anything.

But that night, Saturday night, she sensed my hesitation, and she changed the subject. She asked me the other question.

Do you still love her?

And that question, that fucking question, I answered immediately.

---

Monday night, she didn't bother to ask me either question.

If she had asked, I think I'd have said anything to stop what was happening.

If she had asked, I think I'd have lied my ass off.

My nose has been whistling all fucking day long.

I've blown about a ton of crap out of it, and it still whistles.

Luckily, I'm the only one that can hear it. I think. EwokGirl has been giving me funny looks, but of course she always does that.

Stolen from mavis68:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Dave, by most people.
2. David, by work people and my ex-wife.
3. Mr. Siltz, by bill collectors.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Sometimes I'm funny, at least in my own head.
2. Usually I'm nice.
3. I'm fairly confident, at least at the start.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My tastes in female beauty are too high.
2. I can't read women's minds.
3. I don't take hints very well.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German is the biggest part.
2. Irish is in there somewhere.
3. French? I'm don't know. Ask my sister Neisha.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Spiders.
2. Prison rape.
3. Never really getting completely over certain bullshit.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Caffeine.
2. Writing.
3. Playing with my cats.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. A stupid tie.
2. Stupid dry-clean-only slacks.
3. My new glasses!

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists) AT THE MOMENT:
1. Kelly Clarkson!
2. Evanescence.
3. Blues Traveler.

THREE REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES:
1. She was a slut.
2. Total lack of communication.
3. Just drifted apart.

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Honesty.
2. Intellectual compatibility.
3. Sexual compatibility.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Beautiful eyes.
2. A fit, but not muscular, body.
3. Dressing like a girl every now and then.

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Hide my feelings.
3. Tolerate rap music.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES:
1. Reading.
2. Shooting Pool.
3. Drinking good beer and talking with my friends.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. Go back to sleep.
2. Make a phone call.
3. Travel somewhere exciting.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Retiree.
2. Playboy.
3. Puppyshark's fluffer.

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. Hawaii - maybe this Fall.
2. Europe would be cool.
3. I'm always up for a Las Vegas trip.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Become immortal.
2. Visit the states I haven't been to yet.
3. Fall in love again, but with a normal person.

Just an update on the event, envisioned here and confirmed here.

Oh yeah! First, SassyGirl and I were sitting at Rich O's before we went to dinner, and we were talking about how she wants me to try to have this sour Belgian beer that she likes added to the list. I said that I'd see what I could do. Then this guy that nobody saw before asked me, "Are you the Dave from DaveFest?"

I said I was. I thought it was pretty cool. I'm all famous and shit.

Anyway, Roger is now saying that DaveFest will probably be in late May or early June instead of early May, as it was originally envisioned.

I'll be sure to keep everyone updated so you all can come to DaveFest and meet me and buy a t-shirt and drink some good beer.

I guess UnfortunatelyNamedWorkGirl is involved in some hot project, so all day Monday all I heard was UnfortunatelyNamedWorkGirl this, UnfortunatelyNamedWorkGirl that.

When I called LensCrafters yesterday afternoon, the chick answered the phone with, "Thanks for calling LensCrafters, this is UnfortunatelyNamedLensCraftersGirl, how may I help you?"

These events did little to prepare me for last night, when HornDog decided to start poking around in areas that I thought had been settled a long time ago.

"So Dave," he asked. "You and LaptopGirl used to go out, right?"

*sigh*

So of course I told him that no, we'd never been a couple, but that everybody had always assumed that we were. This is old hat to me.

Then the guy had to be a dick.

"Well," he said, "She went out with everyone else, so I guess it's an understandable mistake."

What a fuckwad.

Then, to make matters worse, he proceeded to badmouth her some more, so her name became the most-uttered word at Rich O's for a while.

I bit my tongue. I wanted to leap to her defense, like I've done several times in the past, but I didn't. Not this time.

I'm not sure why. I think it's because I didn't want to hear her name any more. It's funny how I can go weeks without hearing that name, then all of a sudden I can't seem to hear anything else.

I don't know where to start this entry.

At the beginning seems like the logical place, but it just doesn't read correctly in my head.

Oh well, I'm going to start at the beginning anyway.

I took the day off work today. One hour of sleep just wasn't going to cut it. I had some comp time coming to me from having to work all day Sunday. I'd planned to use that to have my birthday off, but there was no way I could have gone into work today, so I used my comp time a month early.

Anyway, I didn't do fuck all day long, really. I slept until 11:30 or so, then dicked around on the computer and downstairs on the pool table.

At 2:30 or so, SassyGirl invited me to meet her at Rich O's after work.

Little did she know, I wasn't even at work. Muhaha.

Since I had laundry going, I agreed to meet her at 4:00.

Once there, I had myself a half an Upland Winter Warmer (120). Why just the half-glass? Because I'd decided that I'd go ahead and buy myself some new glasses. So I'd called in to LensCrafters ahead of time to make sure that they had everything in stock, and I figured I'd go there and pick up my glasses after Rich O's.

Since LensCrafters has glasses in about an hour, I had an hour to kill between the time I got my pupils measured and the time I'd be able to pick up my new glasses. To kill that time, I invited SassyGirl to go to Red Lobster with me (it's right across the street from the mall) and she agreed.

Let's see, during dinner SassyGirl's phone rang, and she saw that it was TrainGirl, so she handed me the phone so I could answer. TrainGirl didn't recognize my voice, not that I can fault her for that.

Also, with my dinner, I had a glass of Blue Moon (210). I'd remembered to asked for an unchilled glass, but I forgot about the fruit garnish so they put a fucking orange wedge in the thing. I guess I got it out before it completely ruined the beer, because it tasted okay.

After we left Red Lobster we went back to get my glasses. Here they are:

And here are the old ones:

After that we went back to Rich O's.

While there, I had myself an NABC Old Lightning Rod (110), and later a half-glass of Guinness (1040). DooRagGirl came in and sat at the kiddie table and talked to me for a while. She kindof noticed my new glasses, but only because I'd taken them off and was waving them in her face.

Tonight didn't feel at all like a Tuesday night, but it was. I do have to work tomorrow, so I came home early.