Sunday, September 26, 2010
posted by dave at 3:48 PM in category ramblings

This isn't a real entry. Just a quickie, but my quickie scripts don't handle paragraphs very well. My fault, because I wrote the thing. I probably won't bother to fix it.

Anyway, I was thinking about how everyone thinks they have all the time in the world. To search for something that lets them finally stop searching.

Sometimes, those people are wrong.

I guess that's it.

Oh yeah, except that sometimes, people can't see the tree right in front of them, because they're too excited about the forest.

Friday, September 24, 2010
posted by dave at 7:30 PM in category daily

Go here and read it. Add one to any mention of the number of years. It's been six years now. The sixth of at least six-million, I believe.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010
posted by dave at 7:20 PM in category pictures, quickies
Nugget waiting for test results
I'm starting to freak out!
Having a beer to steel my nerves.
Tonight I'll find my snow shovel and use it to carry the possum to the woods. I hope it hasn't popped by tonight. If it's popped, I might have to sell my house, or at least burn down my garage.
Today, I plan to worry. This will be followed by freaking out this evening.
There's a big dead possum in my garage.
I'm not immune. I'm just as sickened by this as everyone else. I wish she'd fucking stop preaching all the time.
Cool I guess
DeadLady is here.
Falls City Original Pale Ale
(draft) Clear light copper in color. Aroma of grass. Flavor neither piney nor floral. Kind of like a mixture. There was a slight metallic finish. Decent is all I can say about this.
What a strange thing to say.
Sometimes, I wish I was blind.
Running out of excuses...
You know what? I'm really trying here.
I wish this mood would last. I like it.
Overgeneralization is always a bad idea. Every single time.
The fundamental difference between me and a lot of other men is that they secretly hate women whereas I think women are delicious.
Never gonna happen. Sorry.
Sitting at Jack's, so that I might better contemplate this mood.
I'm in a good mood, despite thinking that most of the last several years have been wasted.
I'm worried that my kitties might be infected. Trying not to think about it, but failing sometimes.
Oh well
I'm pretty disappointed now.
Well, $600 may not buy happiness, but it will certainly buy a buttload of kitchenware.
Thinking about going shopping. Now I have to figure out what to shop for.
I'm in a very unusual mood. I think it's a good mood.
I've got something in my eye. From the feel of it, it's probably a goat or a small deer.
I'm not sure what was harder. Hearing the news about Pickepie, or telling LaptopGirl.
The vet left a long time ago. I think they had an emergency come in.
Poor scared kitty
Watching hundreds of geese fly overhead. Pretty cool.
"I thank my parents for making me." -- Enzo
My patience is so thin these days, it's nearly transparent.
I'm not exactly raring to go this morning.
The question is, "Why?" The answer is the same as it's always been.
Now I've probably got rabies. Stupid cat.
Good thing I lugged my laptop to work and back. And good thing I glared at my phone all day. Both activities came in very handy.
I'm in a doozy of a mood tonight.
...for OddlyFamiliarGirl!
I don't think I could ever get tired of watching these squirrels jump from tree to tree.
Well that was a pretty screwed up thing for first thing in the morning.
The horse was just in my yard again. Picklepie scared it away.
Thinking about thinking. Doubting about doubting.
Wondering about wondering...
I hate that guy. I've never met him or even seen him in person, but I hate him.
I'm fucking tired of living under this rug.
I went out and petted Picklepie and sprayed off my heat pump filter. That, you might think, should be more than enough excitement for me for one day, but I still might go to stupid Jack's later. OddlyFamiliarGirl is sick again and/or still, though, so that sucks.
This is making me uncomfortable.
I need to leave my house and go buy something today. I just need to decide what to buy.
It's warmer than I thought.
I wish it was warmer. I want to go outside and drink and think.
She needs a better man than the one she's turned me into.
I think I'm turning into Every Guy On Earth, and that makes me feel guilty.
I'm making some Pad Thai chicken now. Just who do I think I am?
Now I gots me some contemplatin' to do...
There are less noble things I could be doing with my life.
More for me, then.
At least that one fucker seems to have shut up for now.
Because, that's why. Der.
I miss HatGirl.
I think I'm going to marinate a couple steaks in Stone Smoked Porter. I hope I don't managed to burn my house down somehow.
I got here late this evening. So now I feel rushed.
Of course I looked.
I don't want to talk about it.
I'm in an incredibly bad mood all of a sudden.
Talk to me. Pretend that you like me.
Today I get to hear the price to replace my heat pump. I'm estimating between three thousand and fifteen million dollars.
I'm in my parking lot at work. I'm oddly excited to be here. I like it out here in the mornings. I should have come here over the weekend.
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to StupidGirl! The timing was just a little off, or I could have been there for your birthday.
Can't sleep because my ass is too sore from kicking myself.
Giving up, breathing a big sigh of relief, and going home.
Going to stupid Jack's to glare at my phone, because (a) Rich O's is closed, and (b) there's no A/C in my house.
Twinkle twinkle
I doubt that I'll ever look at stars the same way again.
Nom nom
Had a fairly relaxing evening. Now home, getting ready to watch Big Brother and cram some yummy White Castle fish sandwiches.
Okay, now she's late.
I'm at Sluttopia, waiting for OddlyFamiliarGirl. She's not late, I'm early.
Trying to get this cat to hold still is impossible
I just did something stupid, but necessary and long overdue.
LaptopGirl's cat came back!
Happy Anniversary!
My dearest friend RockGirl and I "met" five years ago today. I'm so incredibly humbled by her and by the understanding that she's given me. I don't know if I'd be here, or anywhere, if it wasn't for her.
Was shooting pool and drinking beer with my friend Eric all night.
I miss you.
Jolly Pumpkin Maracaibo Especial
(bottle) Clear fizzy light brown. Weak head that lasts and clings. Sharp aroma of pine and alcohol. Flavor very dry, with noticeable alcohol. Finish is smooth and nutty. Good.
The bad news is that my A/C is broken again, and the other bad news is that there's no beer in my fridge.
My sister hasn't seen that cat all week. I hope he shows up when he hears me calling for him.
Due to scheduling shortsightedness, I'm am now sitting in the Cincy airport for two and a half hours. This is more time than it would have taken me to drive home, had I mustered the foresight to just drive up here originally.
On the plane. Turning my phone off. You know you care.
Just got dropped off at the airport. Everyone is sad.
This Irish guy walked out of a pub. Hey, it could happen.
From my ass, perhaps
I just found great restraint from somewhere. I put it to good use.
I absolutely will not.
Had a slightly skunked Newcastle. Not enough to taste bad, but enough to wreak havoc on my insides.
I'm at the Rio. I miss this place.
Took a nap. Now I'm awake. My neck is killing me.
Some lady just won 1.2 million dollars, but it wasn't me, so fuck her.
Nice big giant kitty...
posted by dave at 2:27 PM in category general

It would be funny if, instead of taking Nugget to the vet, I put the dead possum in the cage and took it instead.

Then when they went to take "Nugget" out of the cage, I could act all outraged that (a) he'd only been there a few minutes, yet (b) they'd already killed him AND (c) turned him into a possum.

Maybe I could sue them and get lots of money.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010
posted by dave at 9:32 PM in category ramblings

I'm going to be so pissed at myself someday.

Someday, I'm going to feel like rummaging through my old memories and emotions. I'm going to, after some token resistance in case anyone is watching, zip straight to what's left of this blog and to these years. 2008, 2009, 2010.

And, once there, I'm going to find nothing but feeble ramblings of a man so torn-up that even breathing was an effort; writing coherent words was way beyond the realm of possibility even if self-censorship hadn't appeared out of the gray and stopped my fingers from doing the type-type-typing that they've always wanted, needed, to do.

I am a writer, dammit! I have things to say! Important things! Why have I stayed so silent for so long?

It was two years ago last Tuesday that I finally opened my mouth. Finally said the words that I'd waited either three or four or forty-three years (depending on how you count them) to say. That should have been the last day of my life, or the first day of my life. But, instead, it was just another day. Just another fucking day.

What should have been the end, continued. What should have been the beginning, stopped in its tracks. I entered limbo. And though I've tried to leave, my path has been blocked. And, though I've been shown the door, I've been unable to exit.

I'm still here. Stuck between a place I don't want to be and a place I can't imagine leaving. And I watch everything dissolve slowly around me, and I want to cry out. I want to scream so loudly that my bones flee my body in terror, but I don't know what to say.

"Hurry up! Good riddance!"

"No, wait! I need more time! Just a little longer!"

I used to always say, when I was asked, that it was never all or nothing for me. I meant those words when I said them; they were the absolute truth.

But I haven't been asked in a long time, and I'm not sure what my answer would be now.

It's the not knowing that's the cruelest blow of all. It should never have come to this. I should have died knowing, or I should have lived knowing.

Instead, I just don't know.

Monday, September 20, 2010
posted by dave at 6:31 AM in category morals

I didn't write this. I found it on the internet:

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, "A battle is raging inside me ... it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. "This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee replied: "The one you feed."

Friday, September 17, 2010
posted by dave at 12:14 AM in category general

...we're looking for someone who can adopt a cat with feline leukemia.

Picklepie is incredibly sweet and has no symptoms, but he'll need to stay indoors and away from other cats for the rest of his life. He may develop symptoms in the future and require a very tough decision to be made.

A decision that neither of us wants to make right now.

I can't keep him in my house because I already have two cats and I don't want them to be infected if they're not already. I can't keep him outside because then he's a risk to any other cats he might encounter.

We're really in a bind here. We need to find someone who loves cats and is willing to adopt Picklepie and give him as happy a life as he can have.

I will take care of all shots and neutering if we can only find him a good home.

He's really a great cat, and he will happily return all the love he's given.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010
posted by dave at 11:22 PM in category ramblings

I had this thought a little while ago. Maybe it was more of a remembrance than a thought. I'm not sure. My memory of what it was is fading quickly.

I'm surprised all the time lately. Usually not in a good way, but not always in a bad way, either. Just surprised.

I mean, for example, I wake up one morning and I'm forty-five years old. How the fuck does that happen?

Or, I wake up several hundred mornings, and I'm by myself. She's not with me. And you can define she however you want, it makes no real difference. I'm still waking up by myself.

It's shocking, that's what it is.

It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to be like this.

And now I've got rabies from this damn cat.


But I digress. Rabies will do that to you, I've heard. Makes you digress all over the place.

My life goes through cycles. Never about me, always about someone else. Fuck you, it varies. It really does. Of course I miss LaptopGirl, but then I miss HatGirl, and then I miss MixedSignalGirl with an intensity that still shocks me after all these years. Then for a while I'll miss KittenDamsel, and then I'll almost certainly give StupidGirl her due. It's always about missing someone. It's never about just being sad for no reason at all. Or, God forbid, being happy.

It's never about just being myself.

I'm not sure that I have a life of my own anymore.

When I was a little kid, my future seemed set in stone except for that small detail of her face. Now usually I feel that her face is certain, but everything else is murky and indistinct. Grasping at phantoms that don't really exist.

I liked having a future, even one that improbable. It was something, dammit. Now, nothing.

I don't like it.


I feel like I should start living for myself. But then I remember that there's no point in doing that. Because, who the fuck am I?

Saturday, September 4, 2010
posted by dave at 8:17 AM in category daily

I think I'm going to go to Rich O's in a bit. Maybe I'll eat there, or eat at Wendy's on the way. I don't think I've eaten since Thursday evening.

I'm irritated because there's no weird feeling that I'm home. I woke up a few times last night, and it felt like I'd never even left. I was just home because that's where Ilive and in my bed because that's where I sleep and alone because that's how my life is. Usually the feeling of wow, I'm back home and it feels weird will last at least a day or two. Not this time.

My neck still hurts. I foobared it bad the other night, I guess. This morning I took a long shower with hot water pouring on my neck, and it didn't help.

Friday, September 3, 2010
posted by dave at 9:39 PM in category ramblings

Okay, so I had a wonderful, fantastic time in Las Vegas. It may seem like an obvious foregone conclusion to some of you, but not to me. There were several million doubts in my mind.

Every one of my doubts evaporated at approximately 3:00 PM PDT Sunday.

This leads me to an observation.

I should have been there already. I should have been there almost 18 months ago, when every reasonable reason I'd ever had for staying put was ripped from me.

Why, why wasn't I already there?

Well, those of you who (a) have been reading this journal or (b) listening to the words that have been coming out of my mouth, and (c) aren't retarded - you people already know the answer to that question.


I've deleted the remainder of this entry. There was nothing nice in any of it.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010
posted by dave at 11:55 AM in category pictures, quickies
I'm wooking at wions.
I feel sad this morning. I don't know why. My life is fucking perfect.
Wifey worked her magic and got us great seats for Believe!
I get offended when the skanky big fat hog hookers proposition me.
I had a bad dream. Serves me right. I've been ignoring the problem for too long. Pretending it doesn't exist. So it haunts my dreams.
I am a magnet for hookers and drunken idiots.
Moylan's Kilt Lifter Scottish Ale
(Draft) Clear dark copper. Medium tan head. Malty aroma. Strong malty aroma, maybe a little molasses. Decent.
I'm always wondering about the other people at the bar at these early hours. I mean, are they still up from last night, or are they, like me, victims of a time zone different than this one?
Right after I posted that last quickie, the pickup guy left with both girls. Good for him, I thought. But now the two girls have returned alone. Poor pickup guy.
Now I'm down at this bar watching these pickup guys work on these two hot girls. I really like one guy's style. I'm finding myself rooting for him.
I got talked into trying six kinds of sushi. I still don't really like it.
We just stumped the piano dudes.
These guy play piano a million times better than they sing, and even that's not saying much.
It's been six months, but it's like I never left. I can't wait to see my wife!
My phone is being weird about email.
I'm in an actual decent mood. I'm hopeful that this is a prelude to excitement!
Up and at 'em, I suppose.
I can't find the doohickey!
Those cats were fast as lightning
Picklepie got into a fight with the neighbor's cat, Pete Jr. I got them separated, suffering only a few major lacerations in the process.
I've had better. I've had worse. I wish I'd had some chopsticks.
Hypothetical answer
I don't care.
Hypothetical question
What if Everyone On Earth has been right, all this time?
I think this is the last chance, for either of us.
I suppose I should start thinking about packing.
So there.
OtherDave had a fantastic idea. I'm going to take it and run with it.
There's a helicopter circling overhead. That's always a good sign, right?
Why is standing-up dude always standing? To confuse me, I think.
For a second there, I was okay. But, as soon as I noticed it, it was over.
I got a new Blackberry Torch today.
He was outside this morning, and very glad to see me!
I haven't seen PicklePie since this morning.
Five strippers, three old women, and an ex-girlfriend.
They're giving me a guarantee. Well, I guarantee that I just wasted my money.
So, this place turns into a gay bar on January 1st.
I miss WomanRepellant. He would be just as disgusted by this as I am.
I'm suddenly sad. For some reason. Or lots of reasons. I can't tell.
There's one thing that never fails to piss me off. I should probably get over it.
Going to see Criss Angel Believe again next week.
Okay, I guess that was it for the day. Goodnight then.
It sucks that we've fallen this far.
In my semi-rush to get out the door this morning, I totally forgot to take my allergy medicine. I can definitely feel the effects of that oversight.
So I just got to my parking lot. I want to get here by 7:15. I guess I'll try again tomorrow.
You're welcome
I keep knowing people who are sick. And I'm sick of them being sick. I demand that they all feel better..............NOW!
I wanted to stay. I wanted to go back. I did neither.
Maybe we're all Truman.
It looks like a full moon. I can recharge my rock when I get home.
This morning is too early in the morning.
When this falls apart, that's when I'll be useful again. I guess I'll wait.
My new bedding, gray with dark gray stripes, came with shams. Shams means it's gay, right? Now I have to buy more bedding, right?
Tomorrow I'm getting a new Blackberry, and I'm switching to Verizon. I'm not excited.
I could really use a bottle, or ten, of Alaskan Smoked Porter right about now.
Climb every mountain
Today, I have a boring, but very important mission. I need to buy hangers. Lots and lots of hangers. This is likely to be the highlight of my day.
He's taken over my foot-rest
I wonder how long they'll keep my picture up on the wall. I wonder who'll remember me the longest.
Leveraging societal expectations of normalcy...
And so, it begins again.
I had a nice dream about someone I haven't dreamed about in years.
RockGirl made me come out here. I couldn't decide, so she decided for me.
Now I'm getting pissed.
Fair play
PearlGirl came in. I jumped and clapped when she came in.
And so, it begins...
Stolen from Slashdot
First they came for those who wanted more than 120 characters, but I did not speak out, because I did not want more tha
I like to get here early and watch the squirrels and rabbits frolic.
Part of me wants to write an blog entry now, but a bigger part of me wants to go outside and drink a Marzen.
I'm actually nervous...
I don't like guys who wear gay hats.
Traffic was bad, so I got here late, but all the Thursday weirdoes got here early. That's probably because they don't have jobs.
It's a lifestyle, not an income level.
It's official. I'm permanent starting Monday.
I wish we could talk. I mean really talk.
Goodnight, cruel world.
How did things get so fucked up?
As if
Wow, a preemptive cockblock.
I'm starving to death. I think that's a good sign.
I took a Claritin this morning. My head feels a little less concretey, but now I'm coughing.
If I took door number one, it would be seen as weird. If I took door number two, it might be seen as mean. So I think I'll take door number three, and just go to bed.
What if I had one? This thought is freaking me out.
I feel like my entire body has been filled with cement, and it's hardening quickly.
I just had a thought. This changes everything.
Phone noises are off. Don't even bother. I'm sleeping, I hope.
Got my 87th wind.
Going to try to stay awake until the sun goes down. I doubt I'll make it.
So very tired today...
I'll be in a meeting until 11:00 today, so don't freak out of I don't reply to emails or texts. This means you.
They delayed Big Brother for golf. Fucking Golf?!? I didn't get it recorded. Now I have to wait for it to hit the internet.
Wow, I'm just physically and emotionally drained tonight. I'm actually feeling my age for once.
I'm still going, though. Oh yes, I'm definitely still going.
It's the something else that keeps giving me stupid hope.
Pondering apathy vs cruelty vs stupidity vs something else.
Oh goody, that one whore is here.
I should put myself first for a while. I probably won't, but I should.
The 1970s called, and they want their mirrored sunglasses back.
mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

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