I was going to write some long rambling crap just now, but I changed my mind.

My happiness inertia is running out. I need another push.

You ever just happen look at somebody from a certain angle, in just the right light, and just have something click inside you? Like, you knew that person was attractive, but all of a sudden, click! And you find yourself suddenly and powerfully attracted to that person?

Yeah well, me too. It's not a sin, it's just human nature.

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I've been in a fantastic mood for five straight days. This is definitely a record, and I'm very impressed by it. But I still hope to break that record tomorrow, with a sixth day.

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I touched her today. It was all very innocent, but my body couldn't help but remember the last time I'd touched her. I wonder, did her body remember it also?

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I kinda wanted to go to this folk festival thingy in Madison on Saturday. But I'm on-call, so I really shouldn't go. There's not much cell phone coverage in Madison. Or at least there wasn't last year.

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I thought I'd have more, but I was wrong.

So this HarpO guy tagged me to participate in this eight things about me meme that's making the rounds at JournalSpace. And I'm stumped. I've been trying to come up with eight things that (a) I've never mentioned before, and (b) are at least halfway interesting.

And, like I said, I'm stumped. So I'll skip the interesting requirement, and I'll just list eight new things about my lovely self.

1. I've had a lot of different cars in my life, but when I dream about a car, it's always the same one. My 1979 Pontiac Firebird. It was the second car I ever owned.

2. When my ex-wife and I bought a mobile home, and had it moved onto the base where I was stationed, I set the entire thing up by myself. I leveled it and hooked up all of the utilities by myself, in the rain. All I had to help with the leveling was a 4-ton hydraulic jack.

3. When I was in eighth grade, this one seventh grader had a crush on me. I thought she was very cute and nice, but she was an outcast. I succumbed to peer pressure and I broke her heart. She got the last laugh on me by becoming smoldering hot in time for the next school year and then never speaking to me again.

4. I'm pretty sure that the first girl I ever had sex with is a lesbian now.

5. I haven't heard from HatGirl in about a million years. I'm well beyond my normal freak-out point, but I'm still doing okay. I don't like it that I'm still okay.

6. NotHideousGirl told me today that I'm really good at putting out the friend vibes to women. I can't decide if that was supposed to be a compliment or not.

7. A while ago I almost threw $6,000 into the Ohio River, on purpose.

8. Last night I was watching Lost and I got the idea to write an entry about the five best and the five worst moments of my life. But then I realized that I could come up with a million worst moments, but only a couple best moments, so I gave up on that idea.

I think I'm supposed to tag eight people to do this, but I never tag anyone for this kind of stuff, and I see no reason to start now.

I have never in my life been able to climax from a blow-job. Not even close.

There.

Now that I've got my sisters to stop reading this entry, I'll continue.

I was in a fight with one of my sisters recently. Not a real fight, but an email argument of sorts. I don't want to get into the details because it's nobody's business, but I think I can safely summarize by saying that she thought I was the worst person on Earth, and I disagreed.

I bet though, if I was the worst person on Earth, there'd be ways to make some pretty good money out of it. Even if it was just charging people to not hang out with them. Or maybe I could do school assemblies and give a moving don't grow up like me speech. Or a political party could pay me big bucks to endorse someone from a rival party. Like I'm pretty sure that Jesse Jackson must be on the Republican party's payroll.

The possibilities for wealth are almost endless.

And it must be easier than being the best person on Earth, because nobody has ever accused me of that.

Malheur Dark Brut
Malheur Brut Reserve
Gouden Carolus Grand Cru
Gouden Carolus Classic
Malheur 10
Abbaye d'Aulne Triple Brune
Gouden Carolus Triple
Konigshoeven Quad

Except for the Koningshoeven, these are all new beers for me.

Rogue Ten Thousand Brew Ale
Allagash Curieux
Rodenbach
Rodenbach Grand Cru
Ommegang Three Philosophers
Avert The Reverend
Three Floyds Behemoth
Canaster Winterscotch
Cassissona
Delirium Tremens

All new to me except The Reverend and Delirium Tremens.

And I actually have even more waiting to be enjoyed. I just didn't want to post a picture of everything because I didn't want people to think I was a freak.

I've been having these stupid little fantasies. They're really nothing special, unless you contrast them with reality. And of course I do that, a lot.

So I fantasize about stuff. All the time. I'm doing it right now as I type this sentence.

I think that the thing that really hits me in the proverbial face with the proverbial baseball bat, when I allow my mind to wander like this, is that those things that I fantasize about - I've already experienced them. I've already lived the dream.

And what did I do, back when I had everything?

I wanted more, or I wanted less, or I wanted something else entirely.

I'd completely lost sight of what was really important. I'd completely forgotten what it was like to be a happy person. So much that I didn't recognize happiness even when I was smack in the middle of it. I guess that a part of me thought it was a trick, some cruel joke, some evil scheme designed to lure me out into the open where I'd be vulnerable.

And so now, years later, I fantasize about regaining those things which I have lost. And I wonder if I'll be able to do better the next time, if there indeed is a next time. Can I be less afraid, should an opportunity for bravery miraculously present itself?

There are things that I know, deep down, things that I know should be handled differently. Things that should be said. Truths that should be told. Gestures that should be made. Oaths that should be sworn. I know these things as surely as I know my own name.

I know that I must do things differently, should the opportunity arise.

I know this.

So I wonder, why am I still so afraid? And what is it, exactly, that I fear?

Even though I make statements to the contrary all the time, I'm really not stupid, you know.

What I am, and there's a big difference, what I am is ignorant.

About a lot of things, and especially about a lot of people.

But, because I'm not stupid, I'm perfectly capable of learning from past mistakes and misjudgments. If I feel like it, and if it's not too late.

Those are pretty tough things to do sometimes. To recognize a wasted effort for what it was. To accept that some deeds cannot be excused, some words cannot be explained away. To come upon an insurmountable obstacle and then to simply turn and walk in another direction. Not because it's the preferable thing to do, but simply because it's either that or stop dead and wait and hope for the impossible.

I forget where I was going with this.

Oh, yeah.

A few months ago, I learned that I was wasting my time. Much more recently, I put that knowledge to use. I was quite happy with my decision, when I made it.

I mean, why squander even more time and effort than I'd already wasted?

Oh, yeah.

Because sometimes, situations change. And sometimes, people change. And sometimes, obstacles crumble.

I'm still sticking with my decision though. I do, after all, have facts to back it up.

Unless those facts are no longer true.

If that turns out to be the case, then I'll have made yet another mistake. But it will have been out of ignorance, not out of stupidity.

Meanwhile, I'm still in the best mood I can ever remember experiencing. It's faded a little bit since Saturday, as should be expected, but it's definitely still there. I think I could grow to like this, smiling all the time. As long as my face doesn't crack and fall off. Because that would be gross.

At first I thought that maybe NotNideousGirl's sleepiness was rubbing off on me. She was pretty tired at lunch, and then after lunch I started feeling exhausted. But her sleepiness couldn't have rubbed off on me because there was no rubbing.

Then I thought that maybe my sleep deprivation from the weekend was just hitting me harder than it usually does. I mean, I was so tired by 5:00 that I declined a dinner invitation from BadPickleGirl. After work I went to Rich O's to pick up the painting I'd bought the other day, then I came home and went to sleep for ten hours.

And now I think that maybe I slept too much, because I feel like shit. I hope it's just from too much sleep, and not because I'm coming down with some new Springtime variant of the Kentuckiana Death Flu.

I have a problem with toes. Whenever I see bare toes, I become very concerned that I'm going to accidentally step on them and crush them. I don't know if this fear is because of some tragic and long-repressed event from my childhood or what. I just know that I have a real fear of stepping on bare toes. Shoes, and even socks - they don't bother me at all. This is especially an issue at Rich O's because (a) a lot of the people there are hippies who wear sandals even in the Winter, and (b) There isn't much space between the coffee table and the sofa and loveseat.

Speaking of Coffee, if CoffeeDude decides that it's once again time to lecture LaptopGirl on the realities and hardships of life and make her cry, well I might have to think of something to make CoffeeDude cry. Like maybe I'll buy a big expensive bag of coffee and then flush it down the toilet or something.

An excited girl is not a problem that must be solved. It's not a plague upon the land which must be eradicated. It's not a boil that must be lanced. It's not a fire that must be drowned. It's a good thing, even a great thing when it makes the girl's eyes light up like LaptopGirl's were lit up last night.

Speaking of drowning, I don't know how much water plants are supposed to get. My sister is on vacation and yesterday and today were my days to feed the cats and water the plants. I was really hoping for rain so I could skip the latter task, but nooooooooo! It's been beautiful all weekend. Damn my luck.

So I probably gave the plants too much water, and they'll die soon. Or I might not have given them enough, and they'll die soon. Either way, I'm sure they're going to die soon. But at least the cats are okay. I can deal with cats. I know cats. Plants, not so much. Or not at all.

Speaking of plants, today while I was driving home from Dina's, my pretty girl radar went off. I looked to my right, and there was BadPickleGirl, browsing around this plant stand in front of a convenience store. So that was cool. I stopped and talked to her for a bit. She's nice.

Speaking of nice, BigWheelGirl was actually nice to me last night. This was noticeable because she usually tries to disintegrate me with the laser beams she shoots out of her eyes. Shit, last night, I actually made her laugh and grin. One of each, I think.

Speaking of laughing and grinning, that's what I did all night long on my swing. I laughed out loud at the universe which had tried so hard to destroy me. I grinned so big and so much that I half-expected an attorney from Lewis Carroll's estate to show up with an injunction.

You can get cramps in your facial muscles. I didn't know that before. It hurts.

Speaking of learning something new, I also learned that it's a lot more fun for me stay awake for 38 hours because I'm happy than to accomplish the same feat because I'm sad. It's still not that much fun though.

My face hurts so much right now.