Something has happened.

Something most decidedly not good.

I sit here today trying not to think about this choice that I've been given. Not that it's much of a choice. I already know what my decision is. I only had to think about it for maybe two seconds after it was presented to me.

I know what I'll do. I'll do what's right. Not right for me, and not right for her, and not right for us. But what's right nonetheless.

So, I said the words.

I said the words and it wasn't enough. She wanted proof.

I cannot prove that I love her. Not the way she wants.

But I can, I can prove something else.

I can prove that, at my core, I am a good person.

She should have already known that.

She shouldn't need proof.

Got to Rich O's early last night. 7:30 or so. It's one of my quirks that I like to watch hot girls come in, and HatGirl had said that they'd be in on Saturday so I went early to give myself the best chance of getting a seat with a good view. HatGirl and LuckyFucker typically keep early hours at Rich O's.

Ideally, I'd have grabbed the throne, but there was some stranger sitting there, and his date was on the loveseat. I don't know why but they looked like they'd be the annoying type, so I sat at the island instead of joining them.

I ordered a Smithwick's (786) and just kind of vegged out for a while. The place was pretty dead, and I don't think it was because I was early. Some people have these things called lives and so they sometimes go to places besides Rich O's on long holiday weekends.

ElPresidente came in and told me about some PBD campout or some such thing that's in a couple of weeks. I reminded him that DaveFest would probably still be going on so I doubted that I'd be doing any camping.

At 8:30 or so, SpoonsGirl came in with her brother VegasDude. He's in town for the graduation of SpoonsGirl's son. So we sat and talked and I tried a couple of times to make beer recommendations.

My second beer was a yummy Avery The Reverend (120). I went ahead and ordered a 20oz pint of it instead of the usual 10oz glass.

So we sat and talked for a couple of hours about nothing much. Stories of their childhoods, Las Vegas, and crazy women drivers. TallLady came and joined us, and I became concerned that there'd be no place for HatGirl and LuckyFucker to sit if they came in.

This fear was realized when TallLady invited a couple of Daytonians to join us, but by then it was 9:30 and I'd started to suspect that my friends wouldn't be coming after all.

At 9:38 I got a text message from HatGirl that they'd be in "shortly."

At 10:38 I sent HatGirl a text message asking if she'd changed her mind.

At 10:45 HatGirl and LuckyFucker came in.

HatGirl!

Yay!

I'd already told SpoonsGirl and her brother and the Daytonians that I'd be leaving them once HatGirl arrived, and that's what I did. I moved down to the red room table where we talked about TV and similar exciting topics.

My last beer was a Guinness (1217).

A little after 11:00, DooRagGirl came in and sat with us.

DooRagGirl!

Yay!

It turns out that DooRagGirl has never seen the show Lost! and so HatGirl, LuckyFucker, and I spent some time urging her to correct that injustice.

Once the bartenders started giving everyone their bills (their subtle way of saying get the fuck out so I can go home) the place cleared out fairly quickly. I sat for a few extra minutes with DooRagGirl while I finished my Diet Coke, then I went to White Castle then came home.

It was a nice night.

I guess I could be imagining things that aren't really there, but I don't think so.

I speak to you, when I'm able, and I hear the strain in your voice. I look at you, when I dare, and I see it in your eyes.

I see the same thing in myself. That constant struggle to censor yourself, to say and do the right thing, it wears at you, drags you down.

And you feel like you can't discuss it with anyone because it makes you seem weak. Because then you would be exposed as the human being that you are. Flawed, just like everyone else.

I'd like to say that, in the end, this war you wage within yourself will be won. That it will be, in the end, worth the stress that you feel right now.

I'd like to say that but it would be a lie. I don't know how it's going to turn out for you. When searching for ourselves we don't always find what we expected. When battling our inner demons the good guys don't always win.

I don't like the way things seem to be turning, but all I can do is wish you well. I can't really help you with this. I could never be objective enough to give you untainted advice.

So I'll just wait, and I'll cross my fingers, and I'll see what happens.

For some reason I woke up right at the crack of ridiculous this morning. It wasn't because of my fancy alarm clock though. Probably one of my cats doing something loud.

Anyway, I'm up. So I guess I'll write about last night.

On the way to Rich O's I stopped at the haunted Burger King for a quick bite. They have these new flavor packet thingies that you're supposed to shake onto your fries. Maybe I'll try those one of these days. I like spicy things.

Rich O's was fairly crowded, but SassyGirl and TacoBell had arrived early and they'd managed to secure the island. I sat with them and ordered a Cone Smoker (1846).

SassyGirl and I talked about DaveFest and t-shirts and just generally got caught up because we hadn't seen each other in a million years or so.

CoffeeDude joined us for a bit. He also expressed an interest in a DaveFest shirt.

Everybody seemed to be in a shitty mood. Except me. I was fine.

So we were sitting there talking about nothing much and LuckyFucker came in an sat in the living room area. I gave him a quick wave and wondered where HatGirl was.

About a thousand years later, HatGirl came in.

Yay!

She also sat in the living room area.

Boo!

So I gave her a wave as well and tried to remember if I done anything to piss those two off.

My second beer was a Smithwick's (766).

After what seemed like another thousand years, HatGirl came up and talked to us.

Yay!

Then SassyGirl and TacoBell left and I had a few blessed moments alone with HatGirl. We talked about DaveFest. Then LuckyFucker came over and joined us.

Everybody seemed to be in a shitty mood, like I already said.

My mood was fine, though it was getting worse because of all the grumps.

So HatGirl and LuckyFucker left after just a few minutes with me. I checked my deodorant. It was working fine.

I was alone at the island for a minute or so, until WomanRepellant moved over to join me. He, at least, seemed to be in a good mood.

My third beer was a Gulden Draak (160).

I suppose that's about it, except that this one chick came in that looked like a porn librarian. I drooled at her from afar for a while. WomanRepellant moved over to the throne to get a better look, and I came home.

I just remembered.

I'm supposed to be freaking out.

I guess I should get started.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Went and got my haircut today, and HaircutLady told me about how she'd taken six puppies into the vet this morning to get wormed and to have their first vaccinations.

She loaded them back into the carrier and brought them home.

By the time she got home all six puppies were dead.

This is hopefully the saddest thing I hear about today.

She had her son stick one of the puppies in her freezer so the cause of death can be determined. I suggested that she might want to consider a different vet to perform the autopsy.

Poor puppies!

I see that, as of this writing, I'm number 6 (out of 2,220,000) in the google results for the search term drunken rambling.

On the left, my lovely self, trying to make SassyGirl regret taking my picture.

On the right, the DaveFest t-shirt design.

Uncanny, isn't it?

I could have done without the jowls, but I've got my likeness on a t-shirt, and that's more than I ever thought would happen to little old me.

If you don't know what all this is about, you can go here and read Roger's explanation.

I'm going to be all famous and shit.

T-shirts will be available over the Internet to any of my readers that have nothing else to wear. When I find out pricing I'll post it. I'll pay for shipping on Internet orders.

If you have GIF animations disabled, then this won't make much sense.