I know, I know. I'm two days late with this entry. Blame my TiVo for making it so easy to watch Tuesday's episode whenever I want.

I also didn't take notes, so I've probably got the order all fucked up here.

JD: I hate this guy. (30 points)

Ty: Moved away from the R&B thing he's been doing and now he's doing gospel. I really really like his voice, but he seems to be trying to differentiate himself too much. I don't think he's right for INXS. (60 points)

Marty: Wow. That was fucking awesome. The best I've ever heard anyone sing that song. (100 points)

Jordis: Hate the song, but her performance was just amazing. She's also got one of the prettiest faces, and one of the most beautiful voices, that I've ever run across. (100 points)

Suzie: Hate the song, or at least parts of the song. She did well though. Plus, she's quite hot. (85 points)

Mig: I really don't remember his performance, so it must have been just average. (50 points)

It's not that I don't have anything to write about. Really. I just don't have anything that seems worth the effort.

I think I'd rather be funny. Funny people can always write worthwhile things. People like me, pathetic and whiny people - we have a much more difficult time of it, I think.

Firstly, we have to be in a mood that leads to the mental ramblings that can lead to interesting writing. Secondly, and this is the tougher part for me, we have to care enough about whatever the subject is to make the whole process seem worth the effort. Finally, we have to be willing and able to put it all out there for the world to see. Like those dreams we all had when we were kids - we have to be willing to go to school without our pants on.

I'm having a hard time meeting any of these objectives lately. It'd be a lot easier if I was funny.

Then I could write about, say, these dudes that came into Rich O's yesterday. I could call them The Ballcap Bunch.

Five guys, all in what looked to be their mid-20s, all wearing baseball caps. There just has to be a funny story there somewhere. And then, a sixth guy joined them, but he had no cap!

What's up with that?!?

Had he lost his cap? Had it been stolen? Perhaps he was new to the Ballcap Bunch and hadn't completed his initiation yet.

These are the things that capture my interest when I'm not busily feeling sorry for myself.

Wheeeeee!

That is all.

Twice today, I reached out to someone else.

That's pretty much my normal weekly quota, used up in a two-hour period.

And the odd thing is, I don't expect anything in return.

Hell, if I had expected a reaction, I probably wouldn't have reached out at all.

But still, this is progress that I'm making here.

Slowly but surely, I am becoming a person again.

Okay, I'm told that I have to write something, even if it's boring.

So I will. Write something boring.

Today after work I went by Rich O's and ordered myself a SmithWick's (480). While I was drinking that RealTrainGirl called and said she was coming up. So I ended up ordering some food and then I had a Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier Dunkel (120) while I waited.

Once RealTrainGirl and GreenBeerDude arrived we just bullshitted for a while. We split a bottle of this Italian beer:

Panil Barrique (Sour) (5)

(bottle) Does weird necessarily equal good? If so, then this is a very good beer. Very sour in both aroma and flavor. Supposedly oak-aged and stuff but I couldn't detect anything beyond the sourness. Fairly decent, but I cannot imagine ever having more than a single small glass.

So I didn't get home until about 9:30 - way past my normal nap time. I'll try to hang in there until midnight to keep myself on a regular schedule.

Oh yeah that asshole dipshit fuckhead was at Rich O's when I got there. I didn't say "Hi" to him. The fucker.

how much do you stalk me?

Didn't do much of anything today. Went grocery shopping. Watched some movies. Shot some pool. Did a couple loads of laundry.

Spent about an hour trading text messages back and forth with a couple of girls. Nice enough girls. Pretty enough too. One that wants too much from me, and another that wants too little. Doesn't matter though, 'cause I don't think I have enough left in me for either of them.

They always initiate these conversations. For whatever reasons, they're bored, or lonely, or whatever. Today they both happened to be bored or lonely or whatever at the same time. So I spent, like I said, an hour juggling two different conversations, neither of which I really gave a shit about.

Because you see, the person I really want to hear from - I told that person to leave me alone. Told her that she was hurting me. Told her in a text message, because to have told her in person would have required more willpower, and more bravery, than I could muster.

Today I watched this movie Hitch which is just completely full of all these cheesy lines about love and happiness and heartbreak. Incredibly sappy stuff, but there was one line that struck a bit of a chord in me:

I waited my entire life to feel this miserable.

But not now.

Now there's just this numbness that I kind of wish would go away.

This Saturday beer report encompasses two different venues, and it's still pretty much a waste of effort. You have been warned.

First there was the Brew at the Zoo. After I'd spent a few hours walking around and feeling sorry for all of the caged and penned animals, the event opened up and the approximately 3 zillion people waiting in line were allowed in.

This was the first one of these that I'd gone to, so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Beer and food I guess. That's what the flyers said.

Funny how the flyers didn't mention the incredibly long lines and the nearly total lack of places to sit.

You got this little 4 oz. tasting cup with your admission, and this ended up being the root of the problem I had with the event.

I'd wait in line for an eternity, get my little beer sample, and it'd be gone in about 2 minutes. Then I'd get in another line and repeat.

So I ended up drinking just three beers at the Zoo. The first was a Bell's Porter (64), which I've had before.

Next I had this:

Broad Ripple Stout (4)

(draft) I think there was something wrong with this beer. It actually tasted skunked. I hope it didn't taste this way on purpose.

And then this:

Bluegrass Smokey the Beer (4)

(draft) First off, what a stupid name. Secondly, I could detect no smoke in this beer, either in the aroma or in the flavor. Just an intense roasted malt flavor. Not very good, but I once said the same thing about their regular porter, so I will try this again someday.

After this third beer I walked over to another tent, but when I saw how long the line was for the Cumberland Brewery I just kept walking all the way to my car.

After a nap I went to Rich O's.

You know, this is boring me to death, writing about last night.

I had myself a Delirium Tremens (317) and then a Baltika "6" Porter (100). Nobody interesting was there and I came home fairly early.

Here are the pictures I took at the Louisville Zoo yesterday before the Brew at the Zoo thingy started.

Please keep in mind that I'm not a professional nature photographer.

The other day, on the way to Rich O's, I found myself thinking about someone.

Someone else.

I found myself thinking about someone else!

Now to anyone that knows me, either personally or through reading this 'blog for anything more than a few months, this probably comes as a big shock.

I know it came as a big huge ginormous shock to me.

Shit, for over a year and a half, there was only one person that I thought about as I went to Rich O's. At first I'd hope she'd be there. After a while I'd hope that her ghost would be there. Then I started hoping that she wouldn't be there.

Rich O's had become, because that's where we met, and because that's where we became whatever the fuck we became, and because that's where I missed her the most, Rich O's had become pretty much synonymous with her.

Until the other day, when I found myself hoping that someone else would be there.

I'll say it again because it feels so good to say it.

Someone else!

Some of you are probably, right now as you're reading this, trying to figure out just who I mean. Some of you already have a theory, I'm sure. You're probably wrong, and I'm not going to say who it is. It doesn't matter, and I'm not going to repeat every mistake I've ever made. I'm capable of learning from my mistakes. Really.

The point I want to make is - it doesn't matter who it is, just that it's not....

Well, everyone knows who it's not.

This is a huge fucking deal! Not that I chose this particular person to think about, but that I finally became capable of choosing anyone at all. It was never a choice before. At least not a conscious one.

Like everything else, I don't expect this to last. I know that my heart will slip back into its comfort zone eventually.

It's like the changing seasons. You have some warm days and some cold days and then eventually Summer is upon you, and Winter is over. I know that more cold days are coming, but maybe, just maybe, this long Winter is finally coming to an end.