I have now been told, by three different people, that the girl in this beer poster at Rich O's looks uncannily like Hatgirl.

I can no longer ignore these observations. So I figured I'd post this entry and let those readers who know HatGirl decide for themselves.

Above is the full poster. I will admit a slight resemblance if I ignore the fact that HatGirl no longer wears glasses and her hair is now much shorter than that.

Here's a close-up of the facial area of the poster:

Okay, it does seem to look like HatGirl. Except HatGirl's horns are not nearly so pronounced. This chick certainly has that hot librarian look that HatGirl is so famous for.

Here's a close-up of the assial area of the poster:

I, of course, would never ever look as HatGirl's ass. She's much too pure and sweet for me to sully her in that way. But, if I were to look at her ass, I'm pretty sure that (a) it would be even nicer than what is portrayed here, and (b) there would be no tail.

Anyway, NABC's artist Tony Beard does a heck of a job, doesn't he?

I ended up burning a day and a half of vacation Thursday and Friday. Still had to work several of those hours, but at least I got to work from home and I didn't have to put clothes on. Except when my sister came over Friday morning. I wore clothes then.

Let's see, Thursday night I got to Rich O's very early. My time sense was all out of whack because I'd left work early. I remember being excited because it was Thursday night and the usual group of weirdoes wasn't there. I pointed this out to MusicalYuppieDude, and he pointed out that it wasn't time for the weirdoes yet. What a buzz-kill.

Sure enough, the weirdoes all showed up for their 7:00 circle jerk. But they stayed in the red room, so it was okay.

I spent most of the night talking to FirstGirl's legs. I think FirstGirl was there too. Yes, in fact she was, because we talked about why so many women's shoes have such pointy toes. I think they look like elf shoes.

At about 9:00, suddenly and desperately looking for any distraction from a violent craving to bother LaptopGirl, I started texting and emailing everyone else under the Sun. A few people even replied, thank you very much. So that was cool. Except HatGirl didn't reply, so that sucked. And my craving subsided, so that was cool.

I had an NABC Cone Smoker (3297) and then about a bottle and a half of Rogue Chocolate Stout (2487). The Rogue was particularly yummy.

Friday night started out pretty loud. When I first arrived, I sat at the island where ExBartender was sitting with a couple of other dudes. Now, ExBartender is generally a fairly loud person. But I'm used to that, and it's part of his charm or whatever. What I wasn't used to was sitting with three people who were basically screaming at each other. Not screaming in anger, just with the joy of life or alcohol or something.

So I only put up with that noise for about 10 seconds before I picked up my shit and moved to the bar. I finished my Cone Smoker (3317) and then had a Regenboog Guido (42) for the first time in a few years.

I texted HatGirl again. Still no reply. So I'm officially freaking out and becoming convinced that HatGirl is mad at me for some reason. I can't imagine what that reason might be, though. Maybe my awesomeness is making LuckyFucker look bad in comparison.

(I'm kidding. Really. Maybe if I rag on you two you'll come to Rich O's and defend yourselves.)

TremensGirl had said that she'd be in, but there was no sign of her. So I texted her that this one blonde chick she knows was there. You know, in case I wasn't cool enough on my own to lure TremensGirl in.

About ten seconds passed, and TremensGirl came in and went to sit with the blonde chick.

Several million years passed, during which I accomplished taking a piss and moving to the sofa. But finally LaptopGirl came in. After I had established that we weren't fighting (I had to ask) we sat on the sofa and talked about various stuff like how my brain works. Or doesn't work. Whatever.

I felt a little bad because I'd texted TremensGirl to invite her to come in, but by the time she'd got around to me, LaptopGirl was there and everyone else blipped off my screens. But then MrPopular came to the rescue and kept TremensGirl company except for this one tense moment when she almost tried to pick a fight with LaptopGirl over politics.

(There. I used your new nickname. Your life is now complete.)

By the time LaptopGirl went home, I'd finished a second glass of the Guido (54) and a couple of glasses of Diet Coke. I'd been thinking about maybe going over to Louisville, but instead I just came home.

I spend a lot of my spare time, such as this time right now while I wait for the dryer to ding, playing this Euchre game on my computer.

I'm not going to try to explain what Euchre is except to say that it's a card game. If you already know the game, then no explanation is necessary. If you don't already know what it is, and I try to explain it, you're inevitably going to exclaim, "Oh! It's like Spades!"

And then I'll have to kill you.

It's not like fucking Spades.

Anyway, I play this Euchre game a lot. Me and a computerized version of my cat Happy partnered against computerized versions of my cats Buddy and Nugget.

Shut up, I am so not gay.

I must have played this game a million times. Way more than I've played it with actual humans. This might be a good thing.

See, Happy keeps pissing me off. He's constantly leading trump on defense. I think this strategy scored a point once, back in 2001 or 2002, but it had never worked before and it hasn't worked since. I'm constantly cussing out my computerized partner for this folly, but he won't listen. Because he isn't real.

I'm pretty sure that, if I ever have an actual human partner, and he or she leads trump on defense, I'll just have to kill him or her.

Okay, so the red X is about where I was standing, just outside the building where I work. To the left of the X, directly across the street and about 50 feet away, is the 21C Museum/Hotel. So, imagine my surprise when two girls, who were walking around looking lost, stopped and asked me how to get to the 21C Museum/Hotel.

Nice guy that I am, I gave them directions. "Go South and turn left at the light, then go East and turn left at the light, then go North and turn left at the light, then go West and turn left at the light, then go South. When you get back to this exact spot again, go across the street."

Then I had to get back inside to work.

I hope they found the place okay.

Meanwhile, I keep writing. I don't post much of it, but I do keep writing.

I pour myself onto this keyboard, and then I censor almost every word. I protect the people I care about from the truth. What a fucked-up situation it is, that I keep feeling compelled to hide the most important parts of myself from the most important people.

I keep getting these fucking thoughts in my head. Not random thoughts, though they seem to come at random times. From some dark place inside me that I'd rather didn't exist.

But the dark place exists. The thoughts exist.

I am actually angry right now.

As if I have any right to be angry. As if I have any reason to be anything but deliriously happy. As if my life isn't a million times better than it was a few short months ago. As if I didn't get the two seconds I'd wanted, and a whole lot more.

As if I did anything wrong. As if this is somehow my fault.

This is not my fault, dammit!

So why am I so angry at myself?

I didn't feel like taking very good notes tonight, because I'm kinda in the middle of this bullshit preemptive depression thing. But I noticed enough to make this entry.

Contestants 1 through 9: zzzz, zzzz, wtf, blah, zzzz, blah, blah, wtf, blah

David C: Fucking awesome (100 points)

Okay, so I was just stung by a wasp. Right on my neck.

What's that vital artery in the neck called? The Get Stung Here And Die Artery, maybe? That's where I just got stung.

So, just in case I drop dead in the next few minutes - I love you all.

Except those of you whom I hate - You suck.

UPDATE 7:35 AM - I will apparently live.

Every now and then someone will make a statement, and nobody really pays much attention to it. Maybe they dismiss it as simple conversation.

But perhaps they should pay close attention, lest they miss something important. Something immortal even.

Like these words of MisunderstoodGirl, from March 2005.

Man, it's really pouring down snow out there.

I guess I'm starting to get a little nervous. That's probably not the correct word, though. Whatever the word is, I've found myself in a pretty deep funk for the last couple of days.

I need a good word for preemptive depression. I bet such a word exists.

Wait, I suppose it could have been the 48 hours of relentless rain that dampened my mood.

Nope, I'm sure it wasn't the rain. It was the stuff that caused it. The fucking stuff.

A hint now, a mention then, an insinuation every so often. That fucking stuff.

Nothing certain. Nothing that couldn't be rescinded if circumstances changed. Though I don't think anything that formal would ever happen. That would be really out of character. I think that the hints and the insinuations and the mentions would simply stop.

I'd take that. Easier for everyone involved to just pretend that the stuff never happened.

And if it doesn't stop? If the stuff continues and the thing really and truly takes place?

Well, that will suck. But only for me. And I keep saying that I'm not important. Maybe, by the time the thing happens, I'll even remember why I keep saying that.

I have other stuff to write about, but for now, the chance to make OddlyFamiliarGirl feel envious of me, of all people, is just too good to pass up.

After I got home, I sat on my swing and had a lovely Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier (2357). It was yummy, and though the wind made it a little chilly, it was well worth it.

So, ha ha!

I think that, too often, I manage to see only the good in people. Then, when they reveal their true nature, I take it as a personal attack.

I think that, too often, I see only the bad in people. Then, when they reveal their true nature, I ignore it and soon forget that it ever happened.

This might not be the best way to live my life. Seems kinda lopsided, if that makes any sense.

---

I was thinking about sweetness tonight, as I enjoyed a Fastenbier (376), which had magically reappeared on tap even after FutureDude had told me it was gone. I think FutureDude is pissed at me for some real or imagined reason.

Anyway, I know two girls who I would absolutely characterize as sweet. Not particularly nice, perhaps, but definitely sweet.

Shut up. There is too a difference. A huge difference.

There is just something special about a sweet girl. I wish that I knew more of them. But alas, they are very rare, at least in the world that I inhabit.

I think that's why I'm so drawn to sweetness.

I'm not saying that no other qualities matter to me, because they certainly do. But sweetness trumps everything else.

---

I'm not even sure that I could describe what the fuck I'm talking about.

---

I am tired now.

I couldn't think of anything to write about, so I just figured I'd cheat and post this picture I took yesterday when I was waiting for AlliGirl to drag her ass out of bed and call me.

If I was a kid again, I would totally climb that shit.

This is not an entry with humor about assholes. If you came here excitedly expecting to read poop and fart jokes, I'm sorry.

One of the big conversation topics at Rich O's lately, for most of the area bars in fact, has been that the local New Albany High School basketball team was (a) undefeated, (b) ranked number one in the state, and (c) quite possibly the greatest basketball team in the history of the entire universe.

I pretty much stayed out of those conversations because (a) I went to a rival high school, and (b) I didn't care, and (c) basketball sucks.

Anyway, Saturday night PearlGirl came in and joined us in the red room for a bit. She very quickly informed us that New Albany had lost it's playoff game, and that they were therefore eliminated.

I said, "They lost? Well maybe people can shut up about them now."

Undeterred, PearlGirl then started talking about the game itself. "It was a really good game!" she offered.

"Or maybe not," I remarked.

Now, a couple of people chuckled at my remark. And I began to wonder why. I mean, did they understand and agree with my sense of humor, or did they completely misinterpret my words, and still find them chuckle-worthy?

There are two ways to interpret what I'd said:

1. I was suggesting that it must not have been that good of a game, because New Albany lost.

2. I was postulating that perhaps people wouldn't be able to shut up after all.

For the people who know me well enough, it's trivial to know that the second interpretation is the correct one.

This is asshole humor. It is my forte.

I wonder how many people understood that, and how many people thought I was actually being sympathetic to the losing team and its fans.

I had this brilliant idea today. I was going to do something and make someone smile. Not just anyone, mind you, but one certain person.

I drove around and looked around and asked around for what seemed like years, and I couldn't find what I was looking for.

I don't know if, as the saying goes, it's really the thought that counts. I certainly don't know if, in this particular case, learning the tale of my valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful quest was enough to bring a smile to a certain face. But, I like to think that it might have done just that. Just maybe.

That would be cool, if I brought a smile to that face.

Last night my afternoon nap ran a little longer than I'd planned, so I was late getting to Rich O's. I was so late, in fact, that NotHideousGirl commandeered somebody's phone to call me and make sure I was on my way.

It's nice to be missed.

When I finally arrived, a little before 9:00, I was quite dismayed to see several hundred weirdoes in the living room area, with NotHideousGirl reigning supreme in the throne. I also saw MusicalYuppieDude, HairDude, and UPSDude sitting over in the red room.

I ended up sitting in the red room. There was no seat available in the living room area. Plus there were weirdoes there.

I already mentioned that, Friday night, I'd had several sips of LaptopGirl's Moinette Brune. Those sips, evenly distributed between offered and pilfered, were all pretty good. So that was the first beer I had when I sat down:

Moinette Brune (15)

(draft) Cloudy dark brown, with a large tan head. Aroma of dark fruits and something else - maybe caramel? The flavor was much more subdued than my earlier sips had led me to expect. The beer tasted a little flat and/or one dimensional. Not really anything wrong with it, but not worth having again.

New Holland Night Tripper (12)

(draft) More than black, this beer absorbed all light from within a radius of several feet. The tan head was fairly impressive as it lasted until the glass was empty. A light aroma of roasted malts, with a touch of coffee and chocolate in there as well. Flavor was almost all roasted malts, though the beer somehow managed to stay very well-balanced. Extremely yummy.

The Dragon's Milk had me particularly excited because, as soon as I heard that it was available, I texted HatGirl and told her the news that one of her all-time favorites was finally available. I was excited myself, but the thought of an actual possible HatGirl appearance nearly made NotHideousGirl wet herself with excitement. Actually, she may have wet herself; I neither asked nor checked.

But alas, the visit was not to be. HatGirl wasn't feeling well, and so she probably won't make it to Rich O's until next weekend. I have serious doubts that Dragon's Milk will still be available then. My excitement will, however, be undiminished.

Besides talking with the guys in the red room, and enjoying the occasional visit with NotHideousGirl, and trading text messages and picture mail with HatGirl, I did what I always do. I watched the door and waited to see if LaptopGirl would make an appearance.

By the time she finally showed up, I'd almost given up on her for the night. I'd moved to the throne (most of the weirdoes had left by then) and I was just starting to allow myself to relax for the first time all night.

Then the emails and the text messages started pouring in. A couple of the former from LaptopGirl, and about a million of the latter from WeirdGirl. It seemed that I would need to do some damage control with WeirdGirl, but it was going to have to wait, because LaptopGirl came in a little after 11:00. Yay!

The only seat available was at the far end of the sofa. After I glared at some weirdoes and intimidated them into vacating, I was able to go sit with LaptopGirl and talk to her for a bit. Fantastically surreal, as always.

At some point during the night, the plan had been established that NotHideousGirl and I would go to Sluttopia so she could sing at least one song to honor her deceased friend. Well, the situation with WeirdGirl looked like it was going to prevent me from going. In fact, everyone else left for Sluttopia, and it was only after a couple of phone calls to WeirdGirl that I felt right about going myself.

Sluttopia was pretty much like normal. Not to write about except that I got to introduce NotHideousGirl to my Uncle Wayne, who runs the karaoke shows in there.

At 2:00 or so, everyone else had gone off to do whatever it is that they do. I myself came home and talked to WeirdGirl on the phone for a while, then I went to sleep.

First, back a long time ago, my aunt and uncle, even at the time older than sin and dirt respectively, surprised everyone by having another child - my youngest cousin.

Yesterday I went to Long John Silver's to grab some lunch and get some to reheat later.

While I waited for my order to be filled, I saw a girl young woman sitting in a booth with a boy who was somewhere between six and ten years old.

That young woman was the aforementioned cousin, the baby of my generation. I assumed that the child with her was her son.

I hate it when kids do that annoying thing where they keep growing all the time as part of their evil plan to make me feel old. I hate it even more when that plan works.

The moral of this story is that Long John Silver's has yummy food, but that trying to reheat it later becomes an adventure in soggy mediocrity.

I had a semi-interesting conversation last night.

The gist of it was, Blah blah blah feelings blah blah. Blah blah you want more blah blah blah.

I think I'm lucky that I was in a somewhat somber mood. Lucky that I didn't start laughing at the absurdity of the implication that this latest round of bullshit had been caused by yet another unwarranted assumption.

So, instead of laughing, I just repeated the same things that I'd already said, on at least three different occasions, spread out over at least a year and a half. I kept my face straight, so that the honesty written thereon might be more readily easily recognized.

The moral of this story is that sometimes some people only hear what they expect to hear, see what they expect to see, discover what they expect to discover, encounter what....

Well, you probably get my meaning.

Was it what you expected?

I figured that, while I wait for my houseguest to rise from the dead, that I'd catch up on some beer reviews.

There's this high-alcohol festival going on at Rich O's, called Gravity Head. It's their biggest festival every year. I usually manage to have a few of the strong offerings, but I don't bother trying to sample them all.

Anyway, here are the new high gravity beers that I've had over the last couple of weeks.

Alvinne Podge Belgian Imperial Stout

(draft) Black in color, with a thin tan lacy head that faded quickly. Aroma of malts and light chocolate and dark fruits. Medium mouthfeel - not quite syrupy. The flavor is fairly tame, mostly malts and chocolate. I like this. Dangerous though, because the high ABV is hidden very well.

(draft) Clear dark amber. Good long-lasting head. No detectable aroma. The mouthfeel is a little watery, and the flavor is mostly roasted malts. A decent beer, but kind of a waste of time. The alcohol was hidden very well, a little too well, I think.

(draft) Hazy brown in color. Minimal head that lasted. Strong aroma of hops and alcohol. Flavor more of the same. I can see how most people would really like this beer, but it's not a style that I care for. Decent is all I can say.

(draft) Hazy dark brown, with no head to speak of. According to JauntyGirl, this smells like hairspray. I myself would say that it smells of roasted malt and alcohol. Fairly thin mouthfeel, with the flavor of roasted malts and overriip cherries. No alcohol burn at all. Pretty darn good.

(draft) Clear amber in color. No head at all. Zero. Smells a little bit like laundry detergent, of all things. Mounthfeel is meduim syrupy. The flavor is a little weird to me - as with all barleywines. There is a noticeable alcohol burn at the finish. Decent.

(draft) Very dark red, with a light pink head that shrank but lasted. There was some discussion as to what the aroma was, and it was decided that this smells like Luden's cough drops. Flavor is cherries and cranberries. No alcohol burn at all. Quite good, but also quite strange.

(draft) Clear dark orange in color, this beer didn't seem to have much of an aroma. So I was surprised to find such a funky and citrusy flavor. To be fair, this beer may have clashed greatly with the chocolately porter I'd had earlier, but I don't think I'd have liked it all that much anyway. I only drank a few sips, then I gave the rest away.

(bottle) Black with tan head. Aroma and flavor of coffee and light chocolate. Not much of a bourbon flavor, but a lingering alcohol burn that was bourbony.

(draft) A fairly standard imperial stout, though I was disappointed to find not even the slightest hint of chocolate. This thing was all coffee and roasted malts. Not my favorite by a long shot.

(draft) Hazy golden in color, with a large head that shrank quickly. Fairly standard aroma and flavor for a Belgian of this style - so pretty good. There was a tiny bit of unexpected creaminess as it swirled in my mouth. The finish was a little drying, but not so much as to be obnoxious. A pretty good beer.

I guess I'm having the same problem this morning that I had a couple of Sundays ago. I think about the previous night, and writing an entry about it just seems too daunting a task.

So, that Saturday Beer Report from a couple of weeks ago never got written, and this Friday Beer report will probably end up being a brief one, though the night itself certainly wasn't brief.

First, while it's on my mind and while I'm sitting at my keyboard, two Saturdays ago, I went to Rich O's and was greeted with the question, "Did you see SassyGirl?"

I replied that I had not, and I was told that she was sitting out front.

I ran out front and, sure enough, there sat SassyGirl!

Yay!

She and JauntyGirl had come into town that day. She hadn't called to let me know, because she'd wanted to surprise me at Rich O's.

Well, that plan certainly worked. I was definitely surprised.

The timing of their visit was close to perfect, as Saturday through Tuesday were pretty stressful for me, and those girls provided a lovely distraction for several hours of those days.

Anyway, a bunch of other stuff has happened between then and last night, but it seems like it would be hard to write it all down. So, I won't. I'll just skip to last night.

I arrived at Rich O's at 6:00, that early hour determined by the fact the my sister Dina and her husband Kenny were there. We talked until 7:30 or so, when they had to get home for some basketball game or something.

I ate a pizza and sat at the island by myself. There was a couple sitting at the other end of the island, but I didn't talk to them much. Mostly, I just watched the door and waited for LaptopGirl.

She arrived at 9:00 or so. I got to help her fact-check an article she's writing. That was very cool. It's nice to feel useful.

We talked for a while until EuchreDude came and horned in on sat with us. I because invisible for an hour or so, until after they'd moved to the living room area. I followed mostly because to remain where I was would have felt slightly more awkward.

Eventually, I managed to get LaptopGirl's attention again. Mainly by plopping myself down on the coffee table two feet in front of her. We talked for another hour or so, but eventually she had to go home.

Oh yeah. Beer.

Let's see, my first beer was a yummy Schlenkerla Fastenbier (308), which has made it's brief Spring appearance. My next two beers were NABC Flat Tyre (749), though I did have a few sips of LaptopGirl's Moinette Brune. It was good, and the next time I have some I'll write a proper review.

That number for Flat Tyre above is an estimate, because LaptopGirl had several sips from my glass as she waited for news from her homefront.

Once LaptopGirl had gone, I went and sat at the kiddie table and talked to WomanRepellant for a while. Then NotHideousGirl came in. She was sad, because her cat had died. Poor kitty.

We somehow got to talking about karaoke, and she suggested going to Sluttopia. I called, and they said that they had a band instead.

Well, we ended up going to Sluttopia anyway. WomanRepellant followed us there, but most of the crowd just went to this Jack's bar closer to Rich O's.

NotHideousGirl became even more sad when, upon our arrival, she was told that one of her friends from there had died a couple of days ago.

The band sucked big hairy ones. I did my best to distract myself from the racket by drinking a Newcastle (9071) and talking to WomanRepellant and NotHideousGirl until they started kicking everyone out at 3:00 or so.

Then I came home.

Then, despite my staying up until after 4:00, my stupid circadian rhythm woke me up at 8:00. And here I sit, looking forward to the wonderful nap I'll get to take in a few hours.

Hmmm, I guess this wasn't as brief as I'd feared.

I remember that, tonight as I stood outside Rich O's enjoying the cool Spring air, I remember thinking that I seemed to be a pawn in some twisted game. The game was called, I decided, How Stupid Is Dave?

And, I freely admitted to myself, I really sucked at that game.

I was, it seemed, being manipulated by a master player. The best player ever, perhaps. I was fooled, and then I was jerked around, and then I was given false hope, and then I was misled, and then I was fooled again.

And, through it all, I played the part of the pawn perfectly. Fuck, I even liked being a pawn. Because it was better than being nothing, and I'd had enough of that, thank you very much.

But that was about 9:00, when I was thinking those things. By 10:05 by my watch, everything had, once again, changed. My perception shifted, or reality shifted around me. I'm not sure which, and I don't really care. All I know is that the game revealed its true name even as it shifted to my favor.

The real name of the game is How Patient Is Dave?

And, let me tell you, that's a game that I'm a master of. Because the value of patience is directly related to the value of the desired. I realized this a long time ago, at about the same time I figured out that if desire is infinite, then so must be patience.

I'm so happy right now.

I'm happy because my patience paid off. Though Wednesday was tough, and the first part of Thursday was even tougher, I did have the patience that was required.

I'm happy that my patience paid off, but most of all, I'm happy because the desired and the realized, for a while there, they fucking merged. For a while there, I wanted nothing more than what I had. For a while there, I waited for nothing.

And, the thing is, I could have waited for a million years. A billion years. A trillion years. Use whatever long period of time that you wish. It doesn't matter how long it is.

As long as it took, it would always be, will always be, worth the wait.

It was worth the wait.

And now, back home, I start to wait once again.

But that's okay. I can wait.

I have plenty of patience.

I wonder, how long it would be, this imaginary entry that I will never write?

If I somehow managed to shut down or at least suppressed all of my inhibitions, and I just started writing, how many words would it take before I was finally finished? Before I'd finally written everything there was to write?

Most people, I daresay, most people who read the thing would never speak to me again.

But the others, the ones that stuck around, they'd be with me forever, I think.

And I'd never doubt them again.

A week or so ago, I ran across this article. I've seen similar articles before. It seems like they pop up every year as St. Patrick's Day nears.

Then today I saw this article. This is just another rehash of the standard pets reduce stress story that news organizations use when Britney hasn't done anything crazy lately.

Anyway, for those keeping score at home, (a) I enjoy an occasional alcoholic beverage, and (b) I own not just one, but three cats.

I am, therefore, invincible and I will live forever.

When I see your great-great-great-great-grandchildren, I'll tell then you said, "Hi."

I was talking with my sister yesterday. She told me about how she'd been sitting out on her deck Friday night, trying to enjoy the snowfall, but it had become too cold and windy for her comfort.

So, she ran back inside her house.

I guess she ran quickly. Furthermore, I guess she ran too quickly.

Because she startled one of her cats.

The cat hauled ass out of the room to hide, but not until it had deposited two turds onto Dina's kitchen floor.

I think that cat was pretty smart. I think it deliberately shit on Dina's floor to provide a distraction while it made its escape.

I like that idea. I like that idea so much, I'm going to steal it.

In the unlikely event that my ex-wife ever sets foot into Rich O's, I'm not just going to haul ass out the back door. Nope, I'm going to drop my pants and shit on the floor first. That little distraction should buy me enough time to get away.

This plan should also work for other unwelcome intruders; my ex-wife is just the first one who came to mind.

I think most people around here are pretty excited this morning. I know I'm pretty excited, and I'm a grumpy old man.

We're having the biggest snowfall we've had since December of 2004. You could even call it the only snowfall we've had here since then. I'm looking out my office window, and I can't tell how much snow I have out there. It's blowing and drifting around too much. I will guess that there's at least 10 inches of snow.

And it's still snowing, though that's not expected to last for much longer, I don't think.

Anyway, it's pretty cool, but I'm ready for Spring now.

A lot of things seem random, until they're over, and then not so much.

Earlier today I was having an email conversation with RockGirl, as I'm wont to do, and I said that I couldn't remember the last time that I was utterly happy with my life. Not happy with just one particular aspect, but happy with the totality of my existence.

I wrote to RockGirl that perhaps I'd been happy during that brief time when MysteryLady and I were together. Even as I wrote it, I knew it wasn't true. There had been other times. More recent times. But I couldn't remember what those more recent times had been.

Then tonight, I watched a movie. I picked it at random from my shelf. At least I thought I picked it at random. I've seen it before. Several times, actually. It's one of my favorite movies. It's genius.

And, as I watched the movie, I remembered something. Something important.

Probably about the fifth time I watched this movie, back in the middle of 2005 - I think that was the last time that I was totally happy. Because I watched it with MixedSignalGirl. It was well after all the bullshit had started to destroy our relationship, but on that night, for whatever reason, none of the bullshit mattered. We just enjoyed each other's company. We sat on my loveseat, I had my arm around her, and we just fit together.

I remember, during the scene where the guy vomited all over the alley, MixedSignalGirl averted her eyes from the TV, and she buried her face against my chest. To this day, I don't know if she was laughing, or if she was disgusted, or if it was combination of both. What I do know is that I leaned over, ever so slightly, and I kissed the top of her head, and she sighed when I did it, and our souls merged.

I defy anyone, anywhere, from anytime past or present or future, to ever produce a more perfect moment than that.

I was completely happy with my life, right then and right there.

I'm pretty sure that was the last time.

(I will award 1,000,000 points to the first person who knows what movie I watched tonight. The title of this entry is a hint. Those 1,000,000 points may be redeemed for one beer, should we ever meet in person.)

I can envision a time, probably not to far removed from the present, when this blog will have become nothing but memes and inane reports like this one. When that times comes, I may finally see this as the waste that it is, and I may finally be able to stop.

Anyway, like last week, I didn't get around to watching these until Thursday night. So, four of these people have been eliminated by the time of this writing. I don't know who. Unlike last week, this week I bothered to write down my thought about the guy singers as well.

Luke: An incredibly gay performance. This guy sings very well, but this time he was just way over the top. A crappy start to the night. (50 points)

David A: Cool name. A very good performance. I'm a huge fan of this kid. (80 points)

Danny: Stupid song, but I can't fault the singing at all. This kid's very good. Too bad he's such a dick - I took off 10 points for that. (70 points)

David H: Cool name again. Great song, great job. (85 points)

Michael: Darn, I usually like this guy, but not tonight. Stupid song choice, and way too much bouncing around. He screwed up several notes. (60 points)

David C: Okay, how come I've never noticed all these fucking Davids before? Anyway, A good job. (85 points)

Jason: Stupid song. Way too kum-bah-yah for my tastes, so I didn't really listen except when he butchered this one note and cracked my glasses. (40 points)

Jacuzzi: He sucks, so I went and peed instead. My pee scored: (55 points)

---

Asia'h: Okay, but boring. I took off 10 points for having an apostrophe in her name, then I gave 5 points back because she looked hot. (75 points)

Kady: I never heard this song before. I thought she did a good job, but I'm biased when it comes to Kady. I gave 10 bonus points for being smoldering hot. (85 points)

Amanda: A one-trick pony, and that one trick isn't all that impressive. Painful. She needs to get off my TV now. (40 points)

Carly: A lot better than last week. She's such a good singer. (90 points)

Kristy: Good song, and she countrified it, and she did it brilliantly. Awesome. I gave 10 bonus hotness points. (95)

Ramiele: Another great song. A pretty good performance, but she seemed a little distracted. One of the backup singers tried to ruin the performance, but I think they managed to gag her early enough. (80 points)

Brooke: A pretty cool folksy arrangement of a Pat Benatar classic. I thought she did a fantastic job, and I also gave her 10 bonus hotness points. (95 points)

Syesha: She still seems very full of herself. She's also awesome, even with such a stupid fucking song. (79 points)

Because I seem to be incapable of caring enough to write anything original, I'm just going to answer these questions and pretend that it's the same as writing.

1. Initials:
DSS

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Cindy Crawford

3. Favorite fruit?
Nanners

4. For or against same sex marriage?
To each his own. Seems to me, though, that it's the word "marriage" that causes most of the controversy.

5. Are you allergic to anything?
Penicillin, coconuts, maybe bee stings

6. Are you bisexual?
Nope

7. Have you ever slept in someone else's clothes?
Don't think so

8. How many U.S states have you been to?
37

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in?
8

10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S?
Not really

11. Name something physical you like about yourself?
Yeah, right

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself?
I'm funny sometimes

13. Do you have any pets?
Three kitties

14. What is your dream car?
Like I care

15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
Antarctica

16. Are you bipolar?
Yes. I mean, no.

17. What dream car do you want your husband/wife to drive?
Like I care.

18. Where would you want to go on a first date?
Wherever we can talk

19. Would you date the person who posted this before you?
Apparently not

20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yes

21. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes

22. What was the last text message you received:
HatGirl apologizing for forgetting my birthday

23. Have you ever bungee jumped?
Yes

24. Have you ever white water rafted?
Kind of

25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Yes

26. Are you racist?
Nope

27. What song are you listening to right now?
Nothing

28. What's your favorite song at the moment?
It varies. I've been into David Gray lately.

29. What was the last movie you watched?
Saw

30. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Rich O's

31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Nope

32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Unfortunately

33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
General body shape

34. What's your fav. body part on the opposite sex?
Eyes

35. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I don't go to Starbucks

36. Say something totally random about yourself:
57084237540

37. Do you have an iPod?
No

38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yes, but she was drunk.

39. Do you have freckles?
Sure

40. Are you comfortable with your height?
I suppose

41. Do you love someone right now?
Yes

42. How tall are you?
Obsessed with height, aren't we?

43. Do you speak any other language other than English?
Also un poco de Espanol

44. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yes

45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Too many times

46. Do you watch MTV?
Nope

48. What's something that really annoys you?
Cruelty

50. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I haven't paid any attention to him/her/it in about 20 years.

51. Have you ever surfed?
No

52. Do you know how to pump gas?
Duh

53. Do you drive?
Duh

54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out?
Forever

55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
Not really. Afterwards I've realized that there have been close calls.

56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No

57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
Yes

58. What's your favorite state to live in?
Denial

59. What color is your hair?
Blonde

60.What color are your eyes?
Blue

61. Do you have any special talents?
Yes

62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Diet Vanilla Pepsi

63. Favorite city?
Juneau, Alaska was pretty cool.

64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
If by "ridden" you mean "fallen off of" then yes.

65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be?
The dude in the crow's nest.

66. Who do you live with?
My cats

67. Last thing you watched on TV?
I don't know. It's been several days.

68. Do you wear glasses or contacts?
Glasses

69. Have you ever taken a roadtrip?
Duh

I'm supposed to write my Saturday Beer Report one of these years, but it will be a long one, and so I keep putting it off.

Besides, I've become painfully aware, over the last three or four hours, that there's a good chance that my future happiness is about to be decided. And not by me. All I can do is wait and hope. Wait to see if any of my past has been worth the effort, and whether any of my future will warrant any effort whatsoever.

Hold on a second, maybe I can do more than just sit and wait. Maybe I can go to Sluttopia and drink. That would certainly be the normal thing to do. Maybe I'll do that. Act like a normal person for a while.

Last night was the first night of the NABC Gravity Head festival at Rich O's. The busiest night of the year, I'm sure. And the crowd certainly didn't disappoint. Only once, on the first night of Gravity Head a couple of years ago, have I ever seen so many people crammed into that space. It was standing room only, and even finding a stable spot to stand was a daunting task.

But, stand I did. For the first hour or so. I stood at the end of the bar, talking alternately with some dude I sort of recognized, and a half-dozen or so Gravity Head virgins who, for some reason, decided that I would make a good sommelier.

Oh yeah, FirstGirl was there. She's making a pendant out of my rock. She says that she's got it finished, and that I might get it back Saturday night. So I'm very excited about that.

My first beer was a new one for me.

Alvinne Podge Belgian Imperial Stout

(draft) Black in color, with a thin tan lacy head that faded quickly. Aroma of malts and light chocolate and dark fruits. Medium mouthfeel - not quite syrupy. The flavor is fairly tame, mostly malts and chocolate. I like this. Dangerous though, because the high ABV is hidden very well.

Dark Horse Scotty Karate Scotch Ale

(draft) Clear dark amber. Good long-lasting head. No detectable aroma. The mouthfeel is a little watery, and the flavor is mostly roasted malts. A decent beer, but kind of a waste of time. The alcohol was hidden very well, a little too well, I think.

The second interesting thing was that LaptopGirl emailed me to inquire about the crowd. Then a little bit later she came in, and the crowd faded into obscurity. LaptopGirl and I had a pretty weird conversation. Weird, but still good. Always good.

For my next beer, I had myself a Mad Bitch (296). It was very yummy, and it was the real Mad Bitch, not the oak-aged abomination that has been the only version available at Rich O's for the last million years. I enjoyed it a lot, in part because I knew that it would have to be my last beer of the night.

After LaptopGirl left, and the crowd rematerialized around me, I moved up to the kiddie table and talked to SpoonsGirl and her imaginary hot friend for a bit. I watched NotHideousGirl get up and leave without even a glance in my direction. Eventually I just sat and talked with SpoonsGirl about various stuff.

I went to White Castle and then came home at 12:30 or so.

Things were weird.

I caught myself, several times, saying things. Things that were the absolute objective truth, but at the same time things that I absolutely did not believe. Because I found that I could no longer be objective. Basically, I lied my ass off, because I was less afraid of lying than I was of saying what I really thought.

I doubt that any of that makes any sense. It barely makes sense to me, and I'm the one who wrote it. Whatever.

I've written several times, in the past, that the right thing isn't always, or even often, the easy thing. Tonight, I think that statement caught up with me a little bit. I found myself doing the easy thing, saying the easy words, suggesting the easy path.

I know why I did what I did, said what I said, suggested what I suggested. And I also know that I was wrong when I did those things. And I knew all along, even while it was happening, that I was wrong. I knew, all along, that I was taking the easy way out because it was, at that time, expected of me.

It was a weird feeling, kind of a shift in perspective that really took me by surprise. It surprised me so much that I let the inertia of expectations control me for the entire conversation. While I tried to come to grips with what I wanted to say, I continued to say those things that I was expected to say. I stuck with the script.

It was easier that way. But it wasn't right. Not right at all. The truth can be the truth a million times in a row, but if it's ever revealed to be false, I should acknowledge it as such.

I screwed up. I'm human, apparently. Sorry about that.